I had a client recently that was very attractive, and, in a way, I kinda didn’t notice. Well, I noted it but I didn’t feel any response, and that struck me as odd. She certainly seemed pleasant enough, but there was absolutely no reaction inside me to her prettiest smile.
Another practitioner mentioned something like this, in passing, a while back. She had noticed that, as she worked her way up the “spiritual ladder” so to speak, she reacted less and less to the world around her, and people thought her cold. I am also beginning to notice something like that, but I would amend it to say that I react less and less out of habit, and to things I don’t care to react to. But in areas that matter to me, I feel more deeply, and more profoundly than ever before.
I think it’s a matter of removing all the triggers and habits, and “ought toos,” so that I’m free to care about only what matters to me. And it’s a matter of being comfortable with who I am, knowing what I’m about, what I am and am not, so I don’t get all flustered and flattered when a pretty girl smiles at me. It’s kind of nice to realize that I’ve reached a level of maturity where my ego doesn’t run around like a hyper-active dog, humping everything in sight, unable to resist any sign of approval, from anyone.
The downside is that some people may consider me unfeeling, or think that I just don’t care. And that’s ok. I’ve also learned that if I want people to know what I’m committed to, I tell them. If people can’t get that it’s possible to be passionately committed to something, without all the desk-pounding, hyperbolic, over-heated rhetoric, that stands in for intelligent discussion these days, then that’s ok with me. People either get me or they don’t, and since I have no control over how people’s beliefs will cause them interpret me, I no longer worry too much about it. Not needing the approval of the masses is a wonderful freedom.
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