Power and Control

A little while ago, someone remarked that she’d never understood the phase “Holding space” for someone, everybody used it, but no one explained it. Another agreed, and added that “Stepping into,” as in “Stepping into your power,” left her blank as well. I get it, nobody explains this new age-y speak, you’re just supposed to get it, get with the program, don’t ask lame questions! <ironic emoji> (Not so “new” any more, since it dates from the late 70’s!) I think I’m as qualified as anyone to explain, considering that I’ve spent a few decades wallowing fairly deeply in this new age-y, self-help, world.

Let’s start with “holding space:” You hold space for someone by believing in them, supporting them, and expecting them to accomplish some specific task. But it does not include pushing or driving them in any way.

I believe in you, is a bit passive and abstract, while I’m holding space for you, can be very visual, active, and real. Imagine saving a chair for someone at dinner, or at a concert. You’re holding a place for them, and you’re expecting them to be there, sooner or later. In a general sense, you hold space for someone when you expect them to do something so strongly that, as far as you are concerned, it has already happened, and you’re just waiting for them to arrive at that conclusion themselves. The chair is already there, you just need to come and sit in it.

Creating from the future. Some people believe that the best way to finish a difficult task is to assume that you have already done it, and now, all you have to do is figure out what you did. Authors say that the book is already written, athletes say the game is already won, and scientists say the discovery has been made. For people who are struggling, holding space for them places their goal within reach, gives them encouragement and expectation, without nagging or pushing, and they can move at their own speed. When done right, holding space creates an attraction to the goal, and a sense of welcome when you reach it.

“Stepping into” is fully embracing a characteristic of your choosing. When you step into, you take on, or assume, whatever role or way of being you’re talking about. For instance, when you step into your power, you are assuming that your personal power exists, and you just need to put it on, like a set of clothes. Superheroes are all over this. Superman, Batman, Ironman all put on their special suit to go fight crime.

We all play different roles in our life, child, parent, student, worker, boss, commuter, driver. Many of these roles are chosen for us, being a child, for instance, and others we choose. But there are the roles we only grudgingly accept, or actively resist, and those we with we had. With the idea of stepping into, we can learn to embrace roles we currently resent, but cannot change, but we can also create new, more fulfilling, ones. And, once we get that, we can always step in, or out of, any role, whenever we wish, gaining control over our lives.

As always, feel free to comment and question. I am absolutely a work in progress.