Knowing What You Know

I'm still reading The Custodians: Beyond Abductions by Dolores Cannon and have reached the part that deals with not getting information until you are ready for it. I'm finding it hard to read this book. When ever I pick it up, I like what I read, but I can only read a part at a time before I have to put it down again. I find it very intriguing over all, and some of the interactions between Dolores and the entities that she talks to are very cool.

For instance, there is one conversation that halts, in mid sentence, for a long pause. The woman who's facilitating the conversation can see some kind of meeting, but can't hear what's going on. Eventually a new, female, personality appears and explains the the other entity was called away because of a .... "situation" and she would be continuing the conversation. Perhaps I'm just a sucker, but I love that kind of detail. It puts me in the story so much more than a dry conversation.

I've had a few times in my life where a story appeared to me while I was watching something. The first time, I was watching a documentary about classical Greece. The host was walking through the forum of a classical Greek town that had been abandoned and, somehow, survived to the present day. Usually the marble from that era was "harvested" by later periods. (The cathedral at Pisa, for instance, contains blocks still showing their original, Roman, inscriptions.) While I was watching this, I had the strong feeling of what it was like to be there, back in the day. Nothing specific, but the feel of the grass and columns, the feel of the air. The hot sun on your back and the dirt on your feet as you exercised at the gymnasium. It suddenly made the entire program much more interesting.

The section of the book I'm reading now has a long section about releasing information only when the recipient, and the world in general, was ready for it. They didn't say this in so many words, but I really got how information delivered too soon could cause fear, not enlightenment. They were concerned that "negative forces" would be able to use the information to our detriment, if we weren't properly prepared. There was another issue as well, one that wasn't clear, and perhaps, couldn't be made clear because it deals with issues we don't understand yet.

I'm fairly sure that information at the wrong time can have consequences beyond just not understanding or misunderstanding. We all know that giving a child the wrong information can confuse and frighten them, even if the information is absolutely true and correct, but I think that there is other damage it can do. The entities are pretty vague about this, or maybe they're explaining it as clearly as possible but I just don't have the background to make sense of what they are saying.

I suspect that is why I'm only able to read this book a piece at a time: I have to absorb each piece before I can move on. If you think about this, there are massive implications about how much we really know about what's going on around us. For instance, at one point, they tell Dolores that certain information she has received is not to be published until a certain time. Shortly after getting the information, she wanted to transcribe the tape it was on, for safekeeping, and she couldn't find it. That tape remained missing for ten years, despite several attempts to locate it. Then, at the appointed time, it appeared in her desk drawer, right where she remembered putting it.

Yes, I know that there are many prosaic explanations of these events, including it was a complete fabrication, but I tend to accept it as presented, if only because similar thing have happened to me. In both cases, mine and Dolores', there was another 'knowing' going on that made it clear to us that this wasn't just a random event. In my case I knew that someone was sending me a message, letting me know they were there and they could mess with me, if they wanted to.

I see I'm beginning to drift into another topic, so I'll end this here. Dolores' books contain a wealth of information that you can only digest when you are ready. If anything I've said calls to you in any way, get one of her books and start reading.

Research

I just finished Spook by Mary Roach. A humorous romp through the evidence for life after death, she takes a wide and shallow look at what science has to say about the subject. Although the book appears shallow, her research may not have been, for the lack of detail in some areas could have been result of trimming for space and only choosing a representative sample of what she unearthed. But it does seem that, in several cases, she made broad generalizations from a very small number of examples. Despite that, it seemed a relatively balanced view of the subject, including, what I call, the "smirk" factor. Which sums up the reaction you usually see, in polite circles, when this kind of research comes up.

In her final chapter she says "I guess I believe that not everything we humans encounter in our lives can be neatly and convincingly tucked away inside the orderly cabinetry of science." and "I believe in the possibility of something more--rather than in any existing something more (reincarnation, say, or dead folks who communicate through mediums). It's not much, but it's more that I believed a year ago." I draw a certain amount of heart from the idea that someone, who isn't invested in a particular religious or scientific paradigm, can be persuaded to say, "Huh, there's something here we can't explain." And that opinion gets on the bestseller list.

It gives me hope that our society, and perhaps the world, can finally get that not only is there a long view, but we all are going to participate in it. That we are the children that we are preserving the world for. That every person will have to live, for generation after generation, with the choices they make, or allow to be made, today. 

This is part the research I'm doing to get me a feel of what's actually going on, out there in the fringe, and what it looks like to the average bloke. I've been cruising the internet, but it can be difficult to get a cross section that way: Everything is pretty much given equal weight. You will find the nuttiest ideas right next to the stodgiest, but no real way to tell which is which. Maybe that "nutty" idea is actually some mainstream, though obscure, bit of scientific exploration, while the stodgy idea is some recycled bit of religious dogma, disowned by all the major religions. It's hard to tell without seeing what the mainstream's reading.

Next up: Mirage Men, by Mark Pilkington. So far it's been an interesting peek into the history of UFOs. It's good way to put some of the weird stuff that I have hear about, from time to time, into an overall context. More on that later.

What has this got to do with spirituality? Well, it's all part of our cultural mythology. My search is a combination of knowledge and insight. I could spend all my time meditating, but that's not me. I could work entirely from knowledge, which is my usual method, but this is an area "knowledge" and the written word is only partially useful. When I comb through pages and hours of writing and speaking, I find some parts that resonate with me. These parts are like poking at a hidden area of my subconscious that I didn't know was there and bringing it to light.

Most of what I read is of no use. It's either silly, paranoid, or comes across as total fantasy. Over time, I've come to the conclusion that most of it is useless (to me). But useful parts can be hard to tease out from the religo-babble, because information that I'm not ready for is only slightly different than the noise. Clearly, too many people out there have nothing original to say, and what they do say is too often elaborated or misinterpreted in various ways that hide the original intent. It takes a level of discernment to tease out what I need to know, and not be tempted by the stuff that seems logical but won't get me anywhere.

The Abraham-Hicks Connection

Here it is, 1:26 in the morning and I can't sleep. I woke up a while ago and there's no going back to sleep. This is Thanksgiving night. This was a very different Thanksgiving. We got together with my wife's family, which is what we usually do. The group consisted of her parents, our kids, one of her brothers and his three kids.

Let me set the stage a little bit here. My wife's family isn't particularly close.We live about 30 minutes from her parents and see them about once a month, and pretty much all the major holidays. Her three brothers are scattered about the world and we see them maybe once a year, and when we do see them, we don't have a lot to say to each other. One of her brothers live about 30 minutes from us but we don't see them much more often than that. They often don't show up for holidays, despite living so close. And I've never really connected with my nieces or nephews. We just never seemed to have anything to talk about, and I never felt like I should try a force myself on them, since they seemed a bit uncomfortable around me. I've never been super happy about that but, what can you do?

So this is the context where my oldest nephew comes up to me as soon as we arrive at my wife's parents house, and insists I tell him about "all the stuff I've been posting on Facebook." He's in his early 20s, and always seemed focused on sports. At first I had to figure out what he was talking about, But once I got that he was interested in my posts about the theater I've doing, the conversation took off. I was a bit taken aback because, to my knowledge, none of the boys in that family had the slightest interest in music or any arts at all. My niece did some dance and cheerleading, but that was it. I've been posting pictures from musicals and concerts on Facebook for some years now, and but no one on my wife's side of the family had liked or showed any interest in any of it.

Just recently, however, I had seen postings about my nephew playing in a band and wining a Battle of the Bands competition. That was so unexpected that I didn't know what to make of it. I mean, it takes time to learn an instrument, right? When did all this happen? Why had nobody said anything?

It turns out that he had learned to play bass, well enough for the competition, in, if I got this right, in about two months, and he had done it simply because a friend, completely out of the blue, had asked him. This is with no prior music background or training at all. We ended up having a long conversation about music and theater over most of the evening. Such a shock when usually we say no more than hello and goodbye at family gatherings. He kept saying "I want to come see your next show." (I hope he won't be disappointed, they are community productions after all!) But we'll see what happens. I quizzed him a closely about what it was like to perform in the competition and he seemed so unaffected by the pressure that he just seems to be a real, natural talent. It was very nice to finally connect with one of my nephews!

Just a co-incidence that this all all started right after I refocused my life with a new sense of direction and purpose? Maybe. Or maybe I was putting out stronger vibrations about living your life the way you want to and attracting more joy, and he got caught up in that. A bit of an ego perhaps? We'll see.

I have been stumbling on Abraham-Hicks videos on youtube for a while, but I really didn't understand what they were all about.  They just seemed a bit weird, so I've been ignoring them. But recently I started listening to them, more and more.

Most people doing these kind of seminars have their story on their web site that explains how they got started and what they're doing. But not these people. It's all rather nebulous, but it sounds like a form of channeling. They say it not, or it's sort of like channeling but not. I don't know. Abraham sound like a, not spirit, but entity of come kind. As I say, it's not all that clear.

Anyway, it took me a bit of listening to get what they/she is/are saying. Then I started to get it and ran into a lot of resistance about accepting it. Now I'm accepting it on an intellectual level, but I feel like I have to bend my mind into a pretzel to really get it and put it into practice. It's not only my mind, it's my emotions and my body as well. (Maybe it's my energy body that's resisting?) It's really hard to explain what it's like to hold these concepts, to be these concepts. That's why I give them a lot more credence than I otherwise might. I mean, they just sound like wishful thinking. But if that's so, why do I feel like I'm rewiring my brain when I try to embody them? My body reacts in odd ways as well: When I try on holding space for these ideas, I feel strange energy flows all through my body, odd aches and pains, and weird discomforts. I can't help but think there's something to what they are saying.

So that's why I think I'm remodeling my world, slowly. but ut's happening as fast as I can conceive it happening. It would be nice if it was faster, but I believe it's as fast as I can handle, maybe even pushing my limits a bit, so I try not to push too hard. So, sure, in my mind it's perfectly possible that I'm reshaping the world around me into something I like a whole lot more. Kidding myself? Maybe. But why not feel happy and in control of your life? Being happy regardless of circumstances means your are always in control of your happiness regardless of what happens to you. That puts you in control of your life, and who doesn't want that?

Woo Woo Taboo

The psyche’s attachment to the brain, i.e., its space-time limitation, is no longer as self-evident and incontrovertible as we have hitherto been led to believe.… It is not only permissible to doubt the absolute validity of space-time perception; it is, in view of the available facts, even imperative to do so. – Carl Jung, Psychology and the Occult

A while back I posted one of Radin's videos, DEAN RADIN - TABOO WOO WOO SCIENCE?
 on my Facebook page and asked for comments, the only two people to respond were in-laws. One insisting that there was no taboo, people simply "choose not" to do certain research. He never explained why, they just didn't. The other wouldn't address the issue of taboo at all, instead asserting, rather vigorously, that psychic phenomena didn't exist. (I'm not sure what that has to do with anything) He almost seemed proud to say that he had not read any of the research and "did not have time" to read any in the future. Understand, both of these people have graduate degrees and one teaches about science and technology at one of our prestigious institutions of higher learning. So, I have to ask, why are these people willing to stand up in public, in front of all their Facebook friends and colleagues, and make argument that, in one case, are just plain silly, and the other, to take a huge stand while admitting that he has no idea what he is talking about?

I took me a while to figure that out. My conclusion is the their primary motivation is to distance themselves from their Woo Woo brother-in-law, using whatever means necessary. It didn't matter how stupid they may have sounded, it didn't matter as long as it was clear that they were on a different side of the table from me. And they had to do it as quickly as possible, in their minds anyway.

Another reason the didn't care is that "debunkers" have pretty much a free hand. As long as they come to the right conclusions, no one will question their methodology. For instance, in this paper was published  in 2001: Storm & Ertel (2001). Doman (1999). Does Psi Exist? Lack of Replication of an Anomalous Process of Information Transfer.in this Finding Or Imagining Flawed Research?, conclude that the analysis psychic research done in this paper is invalid: Milton & Wiseman (1999). Does Psi Exist? Lack of Replication of an Anomalous Process of Information Transfer. The paper by Storm & Ertel ignited a firestorm of controversy about flaws in their work. A partial list, easily found with Google:

Radin (2007). Finding Or Imagining Flawed Research?

Ganzfeld Telepathy Research and the Wiseman & Milton controversy

The Milton and Wiseman meta-analysis of Ganzfeld experiments 1999

Abstracts of the Storm & Ertel paper that reverse their conclusions:

Abstract of the Storm & Ertel paper from the US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health.

Abstract of the Storm & Ertel paper from APA PhycNET, American Psychological Association

It seems that despite the large number of admitted flaws in that paper, it is still used by skeptics to support the none-existance of psi. (Again, numerous references can be found with Google) All this together makes it pretty clear that the debate over psychic phenomena has little to do with science and everything to do with faith. Just ask the creationists and the climate deniers, no matter what the science says, there's always a way to call into question any data and any conclusion.

My feeling is that these people are finding themselves increasingly isolated. So many more people know the way it is, than are fighting against it, that the shift has to come, soon. It is shifting, just some people don't know it, and won't know it, even when it's over. And that's ok, we can live in the light without them, if necessary.

Truth is a Harsh Mistress

Truth is a harsh mistress. I took that from the title of Robert A. Heinlein's book 'The Moon is a Harsh Mistress'. I loved that book when I was a teenager. I figured that the phrase wasn't completely original, but a google search revealed that "Harsh Mistress" was actually made famous by that book. "Cruel Mistress," on the other hand, dates back a ways, along with other variations. I use it here as an alternative to the more colloquial "Truth's a bitch." Which is my way of saying the living in truth, with honesty, or being authentic, is a difficult path to walk, full of illusions, false trails, beautiful dead ends disguised as clever solutions.

Truth is a slippery concept. Notice I didn't say The Truth. Truth isn't about one answer, or even a group of answers, it's something that evolves, moment-by-moment, throughout every day. Some people call it "Being true to yourself," others call it "Being authentic," and still others call it "Being in the Vortex." But in all cases, it involves finding the right action, or inaction, to every circumstance in life, so that you stay aligned with your values and goals. This is difficult precisely because we find it so easy to delude ourselves about what the 'correct' response to a situation might be. Fortunately, mistakes in this area are rarely fatal, so the trick is to learn to recognize when you're doing well and when you're not and, hopefully, do more of the former and less of the latter.

I my life this played out in two recent instances. One, where I realized that someone that I have known for about a year, was someone I have known in several past lives. The other was when I was confronted by the necessity of growing my business.

In the first case, I faced the question, should I say anything? My first impulse was to keep quiet for it's simply not a good idea. But as time went on I was getting the strong impression that there was something we needed to complete. Then I started thinking about subtle ways to get to know them better to gauge what I should say, when and how. I almost started a conversation a few times, but something stopped me. I wanted to believe it was just fear and I needed to confront my fears and trust in the result.

For days I kept coming up with different scenarios about how to work into the conversation. All of them felt wrong. It took me about a week to get that the whole idea was wrong, that I was talking myself into something that was just a bad idea all around. It turns out that my ego and sense of superiority was leading me down the primrose path. Lucky for me I as able to catch on, before I actually put any of my plans into action. Looking back, I see my initial misinterpretation was that we needed to complete something. The truth that I needed to complete something was hidden under a confusing tangle of wishes, desires, and willing misrepresentations of what was right in front of me. Lesson: When something feels wrong, or just doesn't feel right, don't do it.

In the second case, I had read about other practitioners leaving their cards in bookstores. Now I'm not too sure what they meant by that, but initially I thought that they were leaving them on appropriate shelves or in books. That gave me the idea to leave my cards in libraries. Seems like a cool idea right? Just leave a few cards laying around and the right people would be 'guided' to find them and use them. So what if most of them end up in the trash, a few would find their marks and people would find the help they needed. Right?

Well, what I'm thinking now is that the other practitioners left their cards at the front desk, with permission. That's the key. Whether or not there is really anything morally wrong with sticking card in books, doing it behind the backs of the staff is wrong. So you better ask first. Afraid to ask, then don't do it. Again, I had to sit on this for a while before I finally got it right. I was so willing to justify my idea, and it seemed so perfect, that it was really hard to give it up.

These cases happened one after the other. While they were going on, my "happiness quotient" took a significant nose dive. I began questioning my decision to start this new career and thinking about alternatives. That's the true consequence of being inauthentic, straying from the path, you quickly lose your satisfaction in life, your perceived options narrow, then you start getting desperate to get back to where you were and stray even further. This time, once I noticed the red flags waving in my face, I could drop my silly ideas and then things start clicking again. I felt better and I started having new ideas that are much more alined with my goals and I'm sure that they will play out better than the two clinkers I just talked about, no matter what happens.

Maybe someday I'll just 'know' the right actions from the get-go, but until then I need to really watch for the signs that something isn't right. Keeping a weather eye out for the slightest thing that tells me that I've misstepped somewhere so I can correct it before the ship gets too far off course.

A Lesson From Prehistory

Todays' exploration took me into prehistory. The images were confused at first: I saw a high-country hillside, no trees in sight, just lichen and low flowers and scrub, no more that a few inches high. I had quite a view down into a valley but there were no trees, anywhere. When I tried to see myself, I saw different sets of legs and feet, some with beaded moccasins, some with simple hide boots, some bare. I saw a beaded skirt or long shirt, leggings, and bare, hairy legs. For a brief time I was a native american with beaded buckskins and long black hair.

It took a while for the image to settle down, and all that time I kept seeing a pair of legs, sometimes in legging, sometimes bare, perched on a ledge on a wall of blue ice. I could not see any higher than the waist. That picture repeatedly showed up in the background, as the foreground details shifted.

Finally the image settled down. I was a middle-aged man in firs, with bare, hairy legs and feet. I was standing on the same mountainside covered with rocks and stones and small, upland plants. I was standing, tired, leaning heavily on a staff or wooden spear, looking back down to the valley in anger. I was too old and useless. I wasn't wanted any more. I no longer had any family. I never had a mate or children and I suppose any parents or siblings were also gone. I was of no use and was walking up the hill to die. I had no choice, I had to leave, but I was still angry that they made me go. I could have helped them in other ways than just hunting and physical labor, but that didn't matter. They considered me a waste of food.

After that scene, everything went gray, I was dead. I asked what that purpose of that life was, and got "patience." I'm still pondering that. He spent his whole life waiting for something, and it never arrived. I wonder what he was waiting for? I wonder if he knew? Waiting to recognized maybe, recognized for talents that were different than the rest of his group? I sense that there was something different about him. He was big, but not too quick? Maybe he had the ability to learn and remember, but the group was too near starvation to value those qualities. I sense that he was alone, within his group, and in a very lonely world.

I see a parallel here with my current life. I spent most of my time suffering under the delusion that if I knew enough of the right things, I would be useful, respected and be happy. It took me nearly 50 years to figure out that neither knowledge nor things make you happy, and knowledge only makes you useful until the next smartass comes along who knows a little more than you do.

I'm still trying to find my footing in a world where having is not important. Doing and being seem to be what matters. Actually, it's being, and then the doing that naturally flows out of that. I'm still getting used to the idea that a seemingly minor positive word can cause people to react in surprising ways. I think I was always afraid of saying something because I was worried that it might look like 'sucking up,'  or phony. Complements don't need to be fancy or carefully worked out. A simple "nice job" can mean more than the most eloquent complement, not delivered, or delivered insincerely. A simple, honest, good word, is all that is necessary.

I learned a few more things today also. One was that I tend to hang onto energy and not let it out, so that when I do energy work, it comes out in strange, physical, ways. My job now is to learn to let it flow through me, to heal or do whatever else needs to be done. I'm thinking that's why I'm cold around the edges sometimes. It comes from keeping the energy bottled up in my core so it can't flow out to my hands and feet. I'm afraid that if I let some go, I might not get enough to replenish it. As though I had any real control over that anyway.

That makes me think that's why energy healing never worked well for me, I just couldn't let the energy flow. I have a feeling that the energy has to come from somewhere, to go somewhere, and so I need to store it up, to be safe, for there might be a shortage. Seems silly, but it really fits with my mentality, so it bears looking into. I know that I don't have say in where the energy comes from or where it goes, that I'm more like a lens that a battery, but, deep down, my old, materialist, nature sees everything in it's dualistic, one-to-one, cause and effect way. And that is something I need to address every day, as I peel back it's metaphorical fingers, one by one, to loosen it's grip on my nature so it can shine and do good work my small corner of the world.

Careful What You Wish For?

As I was thinking about Marisa Ryan's story, I could help but think, why her? Why do some people have these things happen and some don't? Lots of us wish something cool would happen to us, and many who do have psychic talents wish they would just go away. Perhaps it's like any talent, if you grow up with it, it doesn't seem special, and you need to work, just like anyone else, to make living at it. Haven't we all heard the stories of, now great, writers, artists, philosophers even mathematicians, who were told from a early age to "get a real job," or "you'll never make any money doing that," had to struggle to be recognized for who they were.

Of course, begin psychic isn't just unpopular, it carries it's own special stigma. Every famous psychic today seems to have a story about how they had to hide who they were growing up, lest people call them crazy or worse, instrument of the devil. (Isn't it odd that when people are different, it's always something from the devil or "God's punishment." Why not God's gift?)

Seeing the world differently seems to be part and parcel of what it means to be unusually talented. No matter what are the talent is, it depends upon being able to look at the same world everybody else sees and finding something different. Being able to see relationships nobody else does, between colors, sounds, shapes, numbers or concepts, that allow you to assemble them in surprising new ways. Begin a genius carries it's own weight, but with most talents there is a body of knowledge to draw upon. You can learn from people who went before you. There are teachers, books, videos and lessons to help you get started and understand what is happening. But if you have a psychic talent, you have to deal with it on your own and I can't help but think that could be much more challenging, and potentially frighting, than any of the others.

"Be careful what you wish for." I know two psychics that have used that phrase, and there are probably many more. Both had wished for some kind of sign and both got life-changing events that turned their worlds upside down. It's so easy to watch the hero struggle to overcome impossible odds, when you know how it's going to turn out. It's a very different story when you're the one faced with the impossible choices and you don't know how it's going to turn out.

I am as guilty as anyone else for wishing something would happen, that I would have some "special power." Always forgetting that, no matter what you have, it's an all-the-time, every hour, day in day out, kind of thing that becomes, just, ordinary. No genus is a genus to herself, she's just who she is. I have been called a genus from time to time, my SAT scores and other tests were really high, but I don't feel like a genus. What does a genus feel like anyway? About all I can say is that some subjects, like math and computer programming, seem really easy, and I've always been a bit puzzled about why everyone makes them out as being hard. I imagine being psychic is like that, you see things most people don't, but it's always that way. Why doesn't everybody have to make such a fuss about it? They are just there, like that chair or that desk, and the real problem is, why doesn't anyone else see them?

There's a song about racial inequality which I don't know the name of, but I still hear it on the radio from time to time. The chorus starts with "That's just the way it is," and there's a line that goes "Did you really think about it before you made the rules?" Who decided that psychic powers don't exit? Who wrote the unwritten law that all psychics are either fakers or crazy? I don't to belittle the plight of the disfranchised groups, but, no matter how bad things for them are, nobody denies the fact that they exist. The poor exist. Blacks exist. Trafficked children exit. But real psychics do not, at least according to our polite society, judicial and legal systems, or our scientific establishment. And that's a pity. How much richer a society would we have if our social norms, government and legal systems acknowledged that simply amassing wealth, for any individual or entity, is not an acceptable goal. Is it any surprise that we have a system where wealthiest entities in the world are truly amoral and soulless: corporations?

Life in Mexico

I have been guided to do a series of meditations/regressions on the discomfort I have in my stomach and lower abdomen. Today’s regression had some features I haven’t seen or heard of before. Though, frankly, the unusual seems to be usual these days.

My first impression was of a wooden desk chair, oak, in a small office. The office was mostly empty except for the chair and a desk. The light was dim and dusky. The one window had venetian blinds that were closed, with light leaking around them. The desk had on it a blotter, some papers, a stapler and some water, (a glass?) The time seemed early 40’s. It was all very Guy Nior, complete with a dame. She was sketchy, like a half completed drawing in colored pencils, and was mostly out of the frame. That scene hung on for a little while, then zoomed away. Not super fast. The image just moved away until there was nothing but blackness, everywhere.

Next I heard jingling, a quiet jingle. Like jewelry, Spanish jewelry, dangling earrings. Now I was seeing a young woman’s ear. Her face was turned away from me and all I could see was her ear and neck. Her black hair was tied up and decorated, with flowers, I think. She was wearing elaborate gold earrings the tinkled gently as she moved.

I looked down. The floor was dark wood, very shiny. I was wearing boots and tight, elaborately decorated pants and a short bolero jacket. A wealthy Mexican caballero from, 1700’s? I had short black hair. I think my outfit was dark green, but it was hard to tell in the candlelight. The woman was my wife and she was dressed in dark red, full skirt with ruffles and low cut bodice, typical of that era. We were both young and had two children, a girl and a boy. My son was there. He looked to be about 4-5 years old and was dressed in a smaller version of what I had on. I didn’t see my daughter.

There was a party going on. I heard people talking. To my left I saw a set of French doors that were closed, but I could only see darkness on the other side. I had the impression that there were other French doors that were open and led to a garden. There were lights outside and people were walking around, enjoying the warm night.

Skip forward to a dinner scene. I’m seeing a long table with large, silver, candelabras, filled with dishes and food. My father is at the head of the table, the part furthest away from me. There are lots of people around the table they all seem to be talking and having a good time. To the left of the table is a large fireplace, richly carved. There is something odd about this image, it’s fuzzy and dreamy looking.

I realize that I’m looking down on the table from a second-floor balcony. I’m thinking that it’s odd for a dinning room to have a balcony going around three sides with doors going into bedrooms. More like an entry hall. Then I notice that the floor I’m standing on is not well made, with poor quality wood, weathered, and warped. In fact the whole room looks old and dirty, with the wood gray with age. Then I get that the dinner party is not real, at least not any more. It’s a image from another place and time, and all the people there that I cared about are now dead. I was seeing it in my grief over what I had lost and my inability to move on. That was all there was. I left that person standing on the balcony, crying.

When I asked why I was seeing this, I got that I had left my heart with those people and have never yet reclaimed it. Now it was time to do so. That thought gives me chills even now. Also, my wife in that life is someone I know now. I don’t currently know her very well, but I knew there was some connection. It’s always a question about something like this, should I bring it up? I don’t think so, not unless something changes.

During the last section, I experienced distinct physical reactions. Starting with tingling and chills running up my back to strong jerking and waving motions of my arms and head. And some tears as well.

Pretending

I stumbled on this video yesterday. It's about a woman who one day, when she was 27, started seeing spirits. It happened in a very dramatic fashion, with a murder victim that appeared in front of her and would not leave her alone until she went to the police.

I know a lot of people will just breeze right by this as another spiritualist/fake nutcase. But I listened all the way through and saw something different. I saw someone helping police to solve a nasty murder.

My wife is moving to a new place of work. She works at a local community college and, due to construction, they have been moving her office around. It's new location is an old Victorian farm house which was on the land before the college was built. She was telling me a few days ago about how her and her boss watched as a heavy clip and papers slid across her bosses desk and onto the floor, for no apparent reason. They say that the house is haunted. And they say it with a straight face.

But, everybody knows ghosts aren't real, right? That's what everyone says. That's what every textbook will tell you. That's what every scientist will tell you, "There's no credible evidence." Ghost stories are just fantasy to scare children and the weak minded. That's. What. Everyone. Knows.

I am really beginning to appreciate just how weird our society is. What we have is a situation where we are all expected to ignore what's right in front of our own eyes because it somehow became "educated" and "reasonable" to say that it doesn't exist. As a result, we have a society split in three parts, part one sees the supernatural as part of their daily lives, part two, materialists, dogmatically insists that it doesn't exist, and part three, which is by far the largest, largely agrees with part one but keeps it's mouth shut to avoid the wrath of part two. How in the world did we get here, and how did the materialists get all the power?

The long answer is, well, long, but I think I can sum it up like this: As far as science is concerned,  "supernatural" equals "superstition" (with overtones of religious dogma) which is what science has been fighting against since it began. But why, you might ask, don't we just treat the paranormal just as something we don't understand yet? Why aren't important scientists studying this stuff instead of dismissing it out of hand? The answer to that lies at the intersection of arrogance and ego.

Science has been looking down it's nose at the paranormal for over a century. Many people have built their reputation and living around debunking the paranormal, which means there's way too much money and ego on the line to back down now.

So, for the time being, we are stuck with pretending.

I Can Express Myself Better

I have been setting up my new web site, and when I transferred my blog content, I noticed how angry I sometimes sounded. Usually when I was talking about how Science treats psychic phenomena. Not just angry, but like one of the conspiracy theory, left wing, way out wackos. Or, perhaps, like those right wing, conservative, science-hating wackos like Rush Limbaugh. The verbiage was the same, once you changed a few nouns and verbs around. I was tempted to remove or rewrite them, but I decided that is where I was then, and I should leave it as a chronicle of my journey. I’m not saying that my views have necessarily changed, but that I expressed them poorly, in a way that I wouldn’t pay much attention to either, if didn’t write them. I can do better, and I will, later. Though I will probably just link to others who have said it better and add a little context.

Getting angry at these people is like getting angry at politicians. It doesn’t matter which side you are on, you will see them stand up and make the outrageous statements, in public, and are never held accountable. It’s funny how I never really noticed until recently how bad it was, they all act like we’re too dumb to know the difference, and I guess there must be some truth to that since they keep getting elected. The fact is there’s as much politics in science as there is in, well, politics. As Dr Roberd Bussard said in his Google Talk ‘Should Google Go Nuclear? Clean, cheap, nuclear power (no, really)’ about why his fusion power project was always starved for funding, “People tend to protect their rice bowls.” (His concept, called Polywell fusion, is still in development. They recently released this paper http://arxiv.org/pdf/1406.0133v1.pdf showing that the project is still on track.) Think, just for a moment, what would happen if psychic phenomena were accepted as real, no matter how small the effect was. Can you imagine how much research funding would be sucked away from other projects as everyone jumped in to get the patents and the Nobel prizes? If that wasn’t enough, how embarrassing would it be for all those scientists who have denied it, forever, to suddenly turn around and admit they were wrong, in order to get research funds? Nope, all those important people who very publicly staked their reputations on denying the existence of psychic phenomena will not be able to back down, no matter what the data say. And the data is saying a lot.

If that wasn’t enough, scientific confirmation of psychic phenomena would step in a lot religious toes. Just about every religion in the world lays claim to the unseen, immeasurable, parts of the human mind. Scientific acceptance of even the relatively mundane psychic phenomena like telepathy, remote viewing and healing, would call into serious question many claims of divinity for saints and holy men of all stripes. If there is one thing that all religious leaders, worldwide, can agree on, it’s that they don’t want science poking it’s nose into their miracles.

But times, they are a changin’, and those who try to hold back the tide get drenched. The unthinkable will probably be achieve de facto acceptance within my lifetime. Though, like evolution, the fight will be long and hard, and, in the end, a large segment of the population will never accept it. There will be the hard-core materialists, and there will be those that are offended because whatever science uncovers doesn’t fit their religious beliefs. Recent polls say that the majority of Americans still don’t believe in climate change, and I’m sure that this will be even harder to swallow, even as people make use of the practical results that come out of it. And I’m sure practical results will come, once the scientific community stops fighting over whether it exists and puts it energy into figuring out how it works.

The three stages of scientific denial:

1. There ain’t no such thing.
2. Oh, yes. It exists but the effect is too small to matter.
3. I knew it all along.