WWI Past Life

Tonight I went to a past life regression MeetUp. I went as a participant, because I really felt the need to find out a few things.

Lately I have been realizing that I had no direction. At least I didn't *feel like I had a direction. For quite some time now, I have doing simply what had to be done, or running entirely on instinct. I had no real feeling about what I should be doing or where I was headed, I just knew what needed to get done and did it, without really caring, one way or the other. But in the past week I have reached the end of that road and was staring into the face of…nothing. Make no mistake, I have a path forward and, objectively, everything looks on track. But I just didn't see any particular reason to keep going, all the passion and drive and any reason to get up in the morning, were gone. So I got that it was time to reach out to others for help.

As an aside that show how completely I am not the person I was a few years ago, hear this: A few days ago I was having a really bad morning. I was having problems that I just couldn't make any headway with, problems with my phone and dentist and health care, all at once. I went into work feeling really, you know, ARRG! But, the real funny thing is, that by the time I finished lunch, I was feeling much better. Talking to customers actually got me out of my funk and lighted my day considerably. This was so not me a few years ago, when hiding in a book, by myself, was the only cure for a funk.

I went to something last night, that I thought was a psychic class, but turned out to be readings from a psychic. Surprise! My reading turned out to be helpful, because she told me to let go of the idea that the decisions I make now have to be my best and final ones, for good. I hadn't realized that I was putting so much weight on my choice of where to live and what I do next, that is was just overwhelming me. I got that I can just put my money into a house for investment purposes, and sell it in a few years, if I want, and move somewhere else. There's really no "long run" to worry about. The decision just needs to be "good enough" for now.

In that frame of mind, I went to the past life regression with the intension of getting an answer to the question of "What do I do now, what is my goal?" I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that I didn't an answer to that question.

The leader started us with a few warm-up exercises, and I couldn't get my head out of my daily concerns and I was worried that the whole session would be a bust. No worries. It turned out to be the best session I've had so far.

My past life opened with me flying a WWI airplane. I don't know which kind, but I noticed that there was one machine gun in front of me. It was dark, which is odd since they generally didn't fly at night in those days. There were clouds below, and flashes in the clouds that I first took to be lightning, but then supposed to be artillery fire. I was old, for a pilot, maybe 23-24, and tall enough to be awkward in the tiny plane. I think I had just finished some kind of action, because I seemed wounded and the plane had bits of lose canvas flapping in the wind. I was numb, and tired, and I think I had been in the war too long and just didn't care anymore. The next thing I remember was nosing over into a dive. Perhaps I passed out.

The next thing I saw was of two shinny boots, and then green uniform pants. It took me a bit to figure out that I was lying on the ground, on my left side, in the mud staring at a pair of boots of someone standing next to me. I raised my head slightly and then dropped it back as I passed out again. The next thing I was was a young girl looking at me sideways. She was wearing a dress and had long, light brown hair that hung down as she turned her head sideways to look into my face.

In the next scene, I was lying in a bed in, what I took to be, a farmhouse with white plaster walls. There was an older man there and the girl, and they were taking care of me. This part was blurry and indistinct, and seemed to go on for a while. Skipping ahead, the death scene of that life started with a picture of a single candle. I was still in the same room, I don't know how much time had passed. It seemed like a long time but the girl looked unchanged. I found out why later. As I was lying in bed, the girl seemed to move in a blur from one place to another, or just, magically, pop from one place to another. At times she seemed transparent.

The girl seemed to know when it was time for me to die, for she held my face in her hands as I left my body. I looked down at her holding my face for a short while, then she rose up with me and we both ascended into the light. On the way, she transformed from a girl to a being of light, and then left me, for parts unknown, as soon as we reached our destination. I got that she was a helper and a guide, but her job was now done and she was off to a new assignment.

Next, I met with a fellow that was a counselor, of some sort. I couldn't hear what I was trying to tell me, and then got that I didn't want to hear what anyone told me. That was what I took away from that life: Don't listen to anyone! They will convince you to commit yourself to some stupid cause and throw away your reason and your life in a war on the other side of the world. When I realized that, the fellow smiled and nodded vigorously. That was the answer I wasn't looking for. I have been going through my life, not committing to anything, not joining anything, ever, because I was afraid of what that commitment might "trick" me into. Now, if I want a future, I have to "join" and commit to the community I want to be a part of. You can't commit to being a "sort-of" healer. Either you are or are not. I need to make a decision and then, once I've decided, go for it and stop hedging my bets and being halfhearted about it. Ouch! I get that, but it still scares me. But, it's time to take some concrete steps. We'll see how that goes.

During the part with the counselor, I noticed that the left side of my face seemed "heavy." I'm thinking that had something to do with the plane crash. interestingly, for the past year or so, I have noticed issues with the left side of my body, especially my left leg, but my left shoulder and arm as well. Most of the issues seem to be "spiritual" since, physically, there's nothing wrong. My own investigations pointed to something from an earlier life, especially something mangling my left leg, but I was never able to pin it down, perhaps, this was it.

Opps, I almost forgot, but there's one more thing: Tonight I got that the reason I've had so much trouble getting results for myself in sessions is because I don't trust other healers. It's like, if they help me, they'er better than me and that makes me look bad. I don't trust them with my information, so I keep it hidden, even from myself. Time to do some healing around that.

These two sessions have lightened my mood considerably. For that I'm thankful. I seem to have been avoiding meditating for the past weeks, with all the moving and all. The new place and circumstances just seem to make it difficult. I am now committing to getting myself back on a regular schedule, or at least making time for it when I'm not otherwise busy. Things are looking up, so getting out of myself and seeking help and input from others was definitely the right thing to do. There is also something about picking the right people to go to, but that, I think, will be the subject of another post.