In the library

I haven’t written in a while, life has gotten in the way. I’m one of those people who have trouble thinking and writing when my life is up in the air. I feel that, without some kind of anchor, some fixed point that can be the foundation that I can stand and build on, I can’t do anything. Like floating in mud: There’s nothing I can push against. Right now, nothing is constant, and that makes it very difficult to focus on anything fun or just relaxing; there’s just too much I “should” be doing. I know some people thrive under these conditions, but not me. But I have the time, and some things seem like they need to be said, so I’m hiding out in the library and seeing if I can get it down.

Thing number one. A woman has come to my paranormal MeetUp a couple of times. Most of the people ended up avoiding her, because she talks non-stop and spouts every vaguely spiritual factoid and conspiracy theory, from ancient to modern, as gospel truth. I’m sad to say that, while I spent a couple of hours talking to her, I focused almost exclusively on the content of her beliefs, not on why she believed them. I was able to uncover some of her history, and she apparently underwent a near death experience, or two, and other things in her life that have caused her to crack wide open and accept everything that comes down the pike. I seems pretty amazing that she can hold a job, but she does.

Thing number two. A large part of my work is getting people to open up and accept new ideas. Just yesterday I wrote and response to a comment on one of my posts. The comment said, somewhat forcefully, that, since physics doesn’t allow for spirits or the paranormal, they don’t exist. My response was to point out that physics is entirely neutral on the subject. Physics, and science in general, is neither complete nor entirely consistent: New discoveries are being made and old theories are being overturned on a fairly regular basis. And that there are plenty of scientifically recognized phenomena that are not currently explained, Dark Matter and Dark Energy, for example. The scientific method, by definition, says nothing about phenomena that have not explained, or what might yet be discovered. I doubt what I said made any difference to the writer of the original comment, he or she will continue to believe that science “disproves” any possibility of the paranormal, and no amount of logic or evidence will convince him or her otherwise otherwise.

This is a case of the absolutely closed mind. What’s surprising about most closed minds is the utter flimsiness of their arguments. They believe their position is so unquestionable that there is no reason to construct a reasonable argument for their position. Not airtight, mind you, just reasonably logical and in line with current science. Their belief is primary and supporting evidence or logic is not required or even necessary.

What does this have to do with the woman at the MeetUp? Well, the thing is, they are very much the same, only the content of their beliefs is different. They both use their version of science to support their views, and neither one has any interest in any factual errors or inconsistencies in their arguments. But, while serious scientists may roll their eyes at the naivete of the physics guy, the MeetUp woman is “crazy.”

That’s one of the issues of stepping outside of the lines: how far do you step? Being psychic or having paranormal experiences doesn’t mean you can toss away logic and throw all caution to the wind. Yes, researchers have worked out that psychic phenomena don’t play by the same rules as physical ones, but there’s no reason to assume that don’t exist, it means that we must we practice great discernment in what we accept and reject, until we discover what those rules are.

I am generally very circumspect in what I accept, for, once I step outside of personal experience, the waters get muddy pretty quickly. I put a lot of things on the shelf labeled TBD, with varying degrees of prejudice. For instance, I put anything to do with Ancient Aliens on that shelf as “Not Proved,” but, at the same time, I recognized that there are quite a few historic anomalies that have yet to be explained. They also go on the shelf ,as “Unknown.”

In my opinion, the MeetUp woman is suffering from a spiritual crisis and needs spiritual help. A good therapist could help, as long as they don’t try and drug her into acting “normal.” For her, right now, all the barriers, are down, all filters off, and everything is accepted as true. I expect she is a case where solid material worldview has been shattered by an undeniable experience, and now all bets are off. This happens when too much spiritual growth happens too fast, and the person loses touch with the ground. I don’t want to say “lose touch with reality” here, because it’s not about “reality,” it’s about maintaining enough grounding in the common gestalt to be able to communicate and function in daily life. The problem here is that what we consider “real” is more a matter of where you were born, what church you go to, your political party, and your education level, than it is of concrete facts you can measure in a laboratory and we all can agree on. (There are someplaces in the world where not believing in a supernatural being (Allah) might get you hanged.) Our personal and collective concepts of reality are actually made up of an arbitrary hodgepodge of beliefs, assumptions, and some facts, held together with blind faith. While that structure provides some flexibility, and anomalous event of sufficient power can shatter the whole system, leaving the person with no yardstick to use when evaluating new information. Most of the time, the belief structure re-constitutes itself, but some times it can take weeks, months, or even years.

I was warned about this kind of thing from the very start of my spiritual education and told stories about people who took on too much. Usually it’s minor, we get sick or we feel emotionally weird for a week or so. But occasionally it’s much worse. I know how it is, once we discover there’s a new world out there, we want to grab it all, as fast as we can, but be careful. Just like jumping into too much physical activity, too fast, can injure you physically, and throwing yourself into school or work too completely and burn you out mentally, too much spiritual growth, too fast, can make it difficult or impossible to function in the everyday world. If this happens, you need to take time to step back from what you’re doing and rest. Take a vacation from spiritual stuff for a little while. I know that this stuff can be very exciting, and hanging “out there” is so much more interesting than going to work, but you need balance. And you need to eat.

Sometimes the event is not the result of anything the person did, it just comes “out of the blue.” Interestingly, most of the time this happens, the incident is suppressed and the person has no conscious memory of it. Their life, personality and feelings can still go sideways, they just have no idea why. It’s only if they go to the right kind of therapist that they recover the memories. Then begins the process of dealing with the trauma, for those memories were suppressed for a reason, but it’s the only way to get their lives back.

This woman’s issue is not about having psychic experiences, it’s about her unquestioning acceptance of everything she reads as absolutely true, with an “all or nothing zeal.” If I was working with her, we would spend some time uncovering the event and what it was about her belief system that fell apart so completely. That, plus some basic spiritual counseling should put her on the path of healing.

I am sad that I didn’t try to understand what was going on with her. I was too busy invalidating all her beliefs to think about it. I have no idea if I could of helped her, without taking her on as a client, but I should have spent more time on the issues and less on the symptoms. Lesson learned.

I have been uncovering several things about myself lately that I really don’t like much, that was just one of them. The main one right now is that, without external validation, and the right kind of pats on the head and kudos, I don’t want to do anything. My job, writing, anything. And, if that wasn’t enough, what was good enough yesterday is not good enough today. “Yeah, but what have you done for me lately?” is always there. Ug. There’s nothing new here, and now that I see it, it’s obvious that it’s been going on all my life, and caused me a lot of trouble at work and in my relationships. I don’t know if this can ever be “cured,” but I have been working to uncover and release hidden beliefs around this, and, now that I’m aware of why I feel like I do, I can mindfully change my behavior, which can’t hurt, and can, hopefully, lead to some more openings.

A Question of Time?

I was talking to a potential client last night and she asked me how many sessions it would take to solve her problem. The stopped me. I ended up saying “just one,” but now, I’m not so sure. I hear other practitioners talking about clients that they see, regularly, for months or years. Most of my clients seem to get finished up in one session, and then I never hear from them again, and I always took that as a good sign. But I'm thinking now that different people, with different challenges, will probably need more time.

It’s dawned on me that many people need both education and treatment. Hypnosis sessions are good for uncovering what's behind the issues they face, but then what to do about it is up to the client. They will often get instructions about what they need to do to resolve the issue, but that still can leave them facing the same reluctance to act that created the issue in the first place. Knowledge is helpful, but the necessary next step is to understand what to do with that knowledge. In a couple of cases, I've had clients that discovered that the habits they wanted to get rid of, like smoking, or over eating, were a direct consequence of seemingly unrelated choices and their core values. In one case, an inflexible core of self-sacrifice forced an "somethings got to give" response from the subconscious, resulting in the habit, as compensation. These clients choose not to re-examine their beliefs, so they left with nothing changed. I hope you now have an understanding why simply laying on "good" suggestions and positive affirmations often don't work all that well.

Hypnosis is a powerful tool that allows us to uncover the source of challenges, and to release emotional charge around them. This often causes a shift in the client without them being consciously aware if it. They know something's up, but don't know what it is, and that can be confusing and frighting. The intensity of these feelings are directly related to the size of the shift. When I went through my shifts, it felt like the world had rewritten itself around me. Everyone was acting so differently towards me! Slowly I realized that what I was experiencing was due to both changes in how I acted, and how I interpreted other people's reactions. It would have been nice to have someone me navigate these strange waters, and guide me through the rough patches. I strive to offer my clients both relief and guidance.

So, what do I say when someone asks me “How long is this going to take?” It’s a valid question. If it was me, I sure would like to know what I’m signing up for, too. But I'm just not sure what to say, other than “It depends.” For people with just a "single issue," like to do one long session, which includes some counseling at the end, followed by a couple of short, followup sessions, as needed. For people who are on a path, or have a number of issues, we can work as long as they feel the need. I encourage clients to work as the feel the need and to quit when they're ready. When I was in therapy, and when I was working with any teacher or program, I knew when I was "done." I knew when I had reached the point where I got all I was going to get and it was time to move on. I want my clients to feel the same.

I don't think that any professional in this area really knows how long something is going to take. Every client is different, they work differently and have their own path. There really are two distinct types of clients, the ones that just want something "fixed," and those that recognize that life's a journey and that hypnosis is one effective tool to remove blocks and help clarify their path. In the best case, the "fixers" will evolve into "seekers," as they use the tools that I teach them, as they begin uncover and fulfill their life's purpose.

Take Off the Mask!

“Take off the mask!” That’s what one of my clients said a few weeks ago, and I have been thinking about it ever since. I keep wondering about how I would do that and what it would feel like. What I have noticed is that, without really, or consciously, trying to, I’m giving up pretending everything is alright, when it’s not. It feels funny to do that. I’m sure that I’ve always thought that I should keep bad stuff to myself, sure that nobody wants to hear about my problems or feelings.

I learned that lesson early on. But, perhaps, I got the wrong message. Nobody wants to listen to someone always complaining about life, the universe and everything. I’m sure that I wasn’t the happiest person to be around in my early years, I was quite depressed and I’m sure I was a real downer. So I took that to mean that I should keep my mouth shut and pretend everything was fine, which had the side effect of me not having anything to say. I’m pretty sure that that really didn’t fool anyone, a depressed person is a depressed person, whether they talk about it directly or not. Which probably explains why I have always had few friends, and no close friends, for most of my life.

Things seem to have changed. Maybe it’s because I absolutely have to, or it’s the result of all the personal exploration I’ve been doing, but I am starting to accumulate friends. People who I can relate to and we have significant things in common. We can talk about stuff that matters to me and to them, and, this is really important, it’s not about complaining about stuff. I can tell you, it’s so refreshing to have conversations not based on mutual dislikes, or on superficial things that really don’t matter.

I can’t say for sure, but does seem like I’m acting differently, more honestly. It’s so hard to judge my own behavior because I am my own yardstick. I mean that if my values change, then my perception shifts as well as my behavior. It’s like having a ruler that continually changes size: It seems like all the stuff in the world keeps changing size, when in reality it’s your ruler that’s changing. I don’t think that is really all that important, other than to be aware that it happens. Otherwise you can get pretty confused when people start acting strange: Maybe they’ve changed, or maybe you’ve changed.

I also notice that I’m handling my clients differently. I’m more direct, less likely to be tentative about what I really think, more willing to ask personal questions and dig deeper. It feels to me like I’m able to focus more on the client, when I’m less concerned about myself.

Wow! A perfect case in point: I just had a conversation with our mail-person who needed me to sign for a package. I met her for the first time just a couple days ago, when she came to our garage sale. But now she wanted to talk about how we’d never met before, even though I’ve lived here for 20 years. Next thing I know we’re talking about sewing and she’s offering me and my family “free stitching!” In that vein, I offered her my services and gave her a few cards. That was something I would not have done one year ago. Perhaps I am learning what it means to “take off the mask” and be who I really am!