Today I did a house clearing for a friend of mine. I’d been at over her house a few days ago to help her fix her shower. Afterwards, she fixed me a little lunch and we sat and talked. for a while. After a while, something she said made we wonder if she was being influenced by something. Maybe something in the house? So I checked, and, sure enough, I detected something in the house. It didn’t seem particularly harmful in any way, it was just there. At first I thought it was male, but later I got confused and just couldn’t tell much of anything about it. I mentioned this to my friend and we talked about it, but I couldn’t get anything more, so where wasn’t much to say about it.
I contacted my friend, later, and got her permission to have a remote look-see. I wanted to find out more and see if there was anything to be done. I contacted another friend of mine who had demonstrated some talent in this area, and we set up a time today to look into it.
Why don’t I look into it myself? Ah, I just don’t trust myself in this kind of thing. In my personal view of things, it seems to always work best if we have two people doing the work, one to be the sensitive and one to be the guide. I feel that this allows the sensitive to “be sensitive” and be with whatever they’re getting, without having to strategize about how to best help the entity we are in contact to. As an added bonus, having two people allows the session to be recorded. I didn’t record it this time, though I wish it had because it was interesting.
This subject goes under quite easily, so I just sent her to her a “Happy place”, a real or imaginary place where she feels most comfortable and at peace. I usually ask several questions to get them completely orientated and absorbed into the sights, sounds and details of the places, as much as possible. This all went pretty much by the book, until I had the inspiration to ask: “What else is there?” For some reason, I just thought that she wasn’t alone. (I didn’t say “Who else is there,” because I didn’t want to plant any suggestions. If there was someone else there, I wanted her to come up with that on her own.)
Right off, she described an native American woman, a Mexican woman, then she corrected that to say that she seemed to be from Guatemala. She was dressed in traditional clothes and sitting on a blanket. We called her Maria. There also seemed to be a “garden gnome” sitting some ways away. It was never clear why the gnome was there. Later it faded into a charred tree stump, whatever that means. Maybe it was just there to observe?
It seemed that Maria was there to help with the house, but she wanted to do something first, materialize something that looked like a medicine rattle. As my friend described it, Maria held up her hand, as though there was something in it, and there appeared an outline or impression of the rattle, but it never fully formed. She apparently gave up on that after a while and we moved on to the house. Again, I told my friend as little as possible about the house, I wanted her to have no preconceived notions about what she might find there. I just gave her the first name of the owner of the house and roughly where it is located.
My friend picked up little about the house itself, just the general placement of the kitchen and dining room in relation to the front door. The spirit seemed to be located just off the dining room, right about where I was sitting when I first noticed him. The spirit was of a man, in his forties, wearing a cowboy hat. A pleasant fellow, but he was confused. He was stuck and couldn’t find the place he was looking for, everything looked different.
Apparently, he had lived in shack in that location in 1916 [estimated 100 years ago], had left, died, and had spent considerable time in a kind of limbo state. Not too long ago, no more than a few years, he got out of the limbo and wanted to return to the place where he felt the happiest, but he had trouble finding it since nothing looked the same. He had been stuck and confused ever since.
My friend had the idea to show him the progression of time, from when he left this area until now, I assume to get him to understand just how much time had passed. She watched as the shack slowly deteriorated, and fell apart. At one point, people came by and wrapped up pieces for their own uses. Eventually, nothing was left and the area returned to nature for a long time, until the developers showed up, started building houses, and turned the area into a subdivision.
Maria tried to get him to leave, with no success. I asked after people he missed, in the hope that they would lead him on to the light, and some people appeared: A native Indian woman, two children and two men. They were smiling and happy, especially the woman. He was now ready to leave the house, but first, my friend had to create a door because he refused to walk through the wall.
Once outside, we ran into another problem. He had exited in a different direction than his friends, so he couldn’t find them. When he did join up with the others, it turned out that they weren’t “real” after all. My friend noticed that the “friends” didn’t seem to have any energy associated with them, they were just animated cutouts, so to speak. He had made them up. We where stuck again, but at least he was out of the house. Maria took some energy from my friend to lend herself more power and authority. I have no idea if that helped or not.
My next idea was to ask him to look up for The Light. He didn’t see anything above him, but he did see something through the trees. He walked with Maria toward a glimmer in the forest, and soon came to a clearing where the light shown down brightly and his friends, the “real” ones this time, were waiting. It didn’t take much now for him to go with his friends and fade away. My friend waited for the portal to close and the light to fade. We thanked Maria for her help and ended the session.
Afterwards, my friend told me, “I think 'Maria' is what I would call a 'rescue guide', one who spends her time coaxing people out of stuck places. No doubt she appears in different guises according to what's needed.” She also said that Maria was businesslike and professional but also compassionate. We speculated about why she appeared as someone from Guatemala: Maybe all the local, native American spirits were busy? (That’s a joke, by the way.) That’s just one of the many things about this work, we always seem to have more questions than answers.
Before Maria left, she gave my friend a parting gift, she described it like this, “I feel very cheerful, light-hearted, peaceful and sure of myself.” Not a bad outcome for a job well done, I think.
Showing posts with label hypnosis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hypnosis. Show all posts
Friday, November 4, 2016
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Spirit Under Glass
Those who know me know that I go to a lot of MeetUps. Sometimes up to six a week. Hey, it gets me out of the house, it's generally fun, and I've now met enough people that I usually know someone wherever I go. A few months ago I made a new friend with an unusual problem and this post is about that problem. This is a cautionary tale, it ended well, but it pays to be aware that there might be "extra features" included when you buy stuff at flea markets and thrift stores.
There is one MeetUp that I'd been meaning to go to since I first came here, and then I finally found the time to go. When I showed up, only one other person was there, aside from the host, and it seemed like the host had suffered a mild stroke or something and didn't seem functionally present, so we pretty much talked between ourselves the whole time.
The MeetUp was a discussion group around the book Fringe-ology, and the other person was a older woman who had considerably less exposure to the paranormal than I had, but was curious. She had published a novel that included past lives and she thought she might have a spirit in her house. Long story short, I visited her house to pick up a copy of the book and immediately felt the presence of a spirit there. That was very unusual for me, I have never before have I felt such a strong presence. And it was centered around the stairs that lead to the second floor. At some point, I'm not sure when, I realized that the presence was actually focused at a glass display case at the head of the stairs.
We talked for a while and I did an exploratory session with her that established that she was a very good subject, going under quickly and with good visualization skills. We set up an appointment for a few days later to work on this entity. She was worried that it might be the spirit of her dead partner, who had died in the house, and wanted it gone. My plan was to use her as a surrogate to communicate with the entity, and find out what I needed to persuade it to move on to the light. Best laid plans and all that.
When the day arrived she slipped easily into trance, and readily contacted the entity. The session was short, so I've included the full transcript below, along with a post-session conversation where she told the story of the "figures," set of Kachina dolls, that she had bought at a flea market in Denver, and added further information about the entity that didn't come out in the session. I like having the full transcript because it provides the flavor of the session and how the information was uncovered.
I've cut out most of my instructions where they didn't add to the story. My words are in italics.
Start of trance session.
"I think he was…he performed, or he participated, in these ceremonies. He may have been one of the figures.
He’s not a great talker.
He’s not showing me very much. He’s saying that the most important thing is just to be.
What is his purpose in being here?
He didn’t have anywhere else to go.
Why is that?
He’s been cutoff, somehow…from his life.
So, what happened?
He had to leave. Something awful happened. He wasn’t thrown out, but there’s something he can’t forgive.
Where was he?
Somewhere down where there’s sand, a desert. He says it’s a place where I’ve been. He’s telling me, “You know the place.”
Can he show you that place from your own memory?
He says I drove onto it. Oh, it’s somewhere near Santa Fe. No, no, he says, “You drove onto the reservation.” I’m seeing the reservation houses. They’re all sandstone buildings, and there’s no landscaping around them. They don’t landscape at all. I remember driving on to that reservation. Acoma, Acoma Pueblo.
What was it like when he was there?
Things don’t change.
What were the people like?
He says they were already breaking apart.
In what way?
They were leaving, they were going their separate ways. They weren’t coherent. Not as it had been when he was growing up.
How old was he at this point?
I not seeing…he’s not showing me that. No ideas are coming into my mind.
Ok. What was he purpose at that time?
He went out to catch an eagle. He was very much into the culture, and the traditions.
Oh, it changed. It changed a great deal when Los Alamos was started. He says that’s when it started. The Los Alamos project put a lot of people…strangers…and things are not the same. I see Santa Fe, as it was, [can’t understand]. He’s showing me Santa Fe, I can see it. There’s still horse carts on the road. And there’s the hotel. And everything’s adobe, it looks very different.
What was being lost?
[can’t understand], the sense of who they were. They sold out. He’s saying that they sold out. And he spoke up, in meetings. He said that they were selling out. But they wanted the money, they wanted the development. He said, “Is that who we are, sitting outside the governor’s place selling jewelry? Is that who we are?” He said, “What are you going to do next? Are you going to sell tickets to the festivals?” And so he left.
Where did he go?
He took a construction job. He went to Denver.
Then what happened?
I think he was killed. I think he was killed in a accident. And no one know who he was. And they took the things he had brought with him…and they were sold.
What are those things?
He had ritual things. He had sacred feathers, and pottery, and sand painting. And he had the kachinas. But there were more. And he says he doesn’t want to go back.
The post-session discussion starts here.
Start of recording
"Do you want me to tell the story of where I got those dolls from?
Yeah.
It was in an antique mall in Denver. It was a big one, the biggest one in Denver. So you can just imagine the size of it. And, I walked in and, the only way you can systematically do something that big is to just walk the aisles. And, as you go by these places, where the people have their stuff out, you just, sort of get a quick idea of what is there. You don’t have to stop at all. And I got down to this one particular place and, just something about it, it was very jumbled, and something about it sort of said, “You should come in and look.”
And so I sauntered in and looked around, and for the most part, there was no rhyme or reason to it. Just all sorts of things thrown together. Then all of a sudden I caught a glimpse of one of these Kachinas, down in the corner. In this cabinet and to the back. And there were actually four of them, and I only took three. And, something called me very much to them. And so I had to go get the guy, the manager to come and unlock the case, so I could pull them out and look at them.
Initially I only took two. Then when I got them home, there was sort of a sense of incompletion. So I felt very called. I had to drive clear across Denver to go back. The other two were still there, and I took the third one of them. I didn’t care as much, I didn’t feel drawn to the forth one so, it still may be up there. That’s how I got them.
I brought them home and I cleaned them up and replaced the feathers on MudHead, and they came down from Denver and have been part of me ever since. That’s how they came into my life. But I only started realizing that there was something going on with them when I brought them here. (She currently lives in Vancouver, Washington) Particularly when [her partner] died, that was back in December, that was when I realized that there was something going on with them. They’re very much a powerful influence.
Yeah, the strongest I’ve felt, personally.
And he (the spirit we call the Teacher) is not angry, he’s not upset, he’s just passionate. He’s passionate about what he believes. He’s passionate about the importance of it. And he wants to do something…what did he tell me…something…
Wonderful…?
Something important. And I don’t think it really involves me, it’s more I’m hosting him, providing him a place to collect himself.
Or a platform to…if it’s…telling his stories and getting his information out there is part of the process. Perhaps when certain people see it, perhaps they might be drawn to it.
Well I think I will still see if I can send his Kachinas back. Because he is, despite his feelings, he is part of that. That pueblo. He may have left them and he may deny that he is, but he is. And if I can send them back then, perhaps, that will bring him some peace. But I think that even if I send them back, that he is going to leave. He’s found a comfortable and congenial place because I value the same things he does. And as long as he finds it meaningful, I’m not going to object too much to it.
But I can tell him that I would like that if he is the one that showed me that cavern, with the carved figures…when I did my own…
[instructions]
Generally I’ve tried to meditation, but I have so much static, so many people coming at me, that I don’t always really get through to that place of calm.
What do you mean, so many people coming at you?
I’m aware of presences, as I start to go down. I’m aware my husband’s talking to me, I’ve got my mother, I’ve got all sorts of wild things going through my mind. It’s very difficult to get beyond them. And this time that I did, I was shown the picture of a large eye. You know, the third eye?
Yeah, Ok.
And that when I went through that eye, into what was beyond, I think I told you there was someone with me, who was showing me? I found myself going through the light, going into a huge cavern, where there was…it was infinite. You couldn’t see the beginning or the end or anything. And I was taken into a side room, and it was almost as if somebody had a flashlight, or something was illuminating the walls. Because I thought that if this was the Akashic records…I was expecting them to be books, and in English. And it wasn’t.
All of the walls were intricately carved, almost like alabaster or marble, intricately carved with…it looked like Indian art. You know those three-dimensional friezes where they have all these figures? You know, east Indian, real India. You got these three-dimensional friezes of figures, often quite sensual?
Ok
And the whole wall, and the ceiling…you couldn’t see the ceiling, everything was covered with these intricate carvings, and I was told, this is your soul group. This is where you belong.
And that has always been an issue for me. Where do I belong? And so, essentially they’re telling me, “Stop worrying about where you belong, in the earth plain, this is where you belong. This is your group, so to speak. And that was very comforting. And the fellow that was with me, very reticent, very quite. I asked his name, and I got the message, “You’re not ready for this.” If that was him, then he could help me, if he wants to teach, then take me back. Show me, show me what is there. Because apparently he can also go backwards or forwards as he wishes.
End of recording
I think it's fascinating how the spirit taught her though pictures, even though she didn't know he was there. In the end the spirit left on it's own. He left her the understanding that she wasn't the person he needed to fulfill whatever purpose he had in mind.
This instance ended well, with the spirit comfortably gone and the dolls are now just regular dolls. It doesn't always happen that way: objects with energy or attachments of various kinds are out there and can cause significant trouble. Sometimes they can be cleared, but other times it's just better to get rid of them. One options is to send them to one of the Paranormal Museums that know how to handle and store these kind of objects in a safe manor. If you think you may have a haunted or cursed object, contact me and I'll see what I can do for you: AQuestioningSpiritTherapy@gmail.com.
There is one MeetUp that I'd been meaning to go to since I first came here, and then I finally found the time to go. When I showed up, only one other person was there, aside from the host, and it seemed like the host had suffered a mild stroke or something and didn't seem functionally present, so we pretty much talked between ourselves the whole time.
The MeetUp was a discussion group around the book Fringe-ology, and the other person was a older woman who had considerably less exposure to the paranormal than I had, but was curious. She had published a novel that included past lives and she thought she might have a spirit in her house. Long story short, I visited her house to pick up a copy of the book and immediately felt the presence of a spirit there. That was very unusual for me, I have never before have I felt such a strong presence. And it was centered around the stairs that lead to the second floor. At some point, I'm not sure when, I realized that the presence was actually focused at a glass display case at the head of the stairs.
We talked for a while and I did an exploratory session with her that established that she was a very good subject, going under quickly and with good visualization skills. We set up an appointment for a few days later to work on this entity. She was worried that it might be the spirit of her dead partner, who had died in the house, and wanted it gone. My plan was to use her as a surrogate to communicate with the entity, and find out what I needed to persuade it to move on to the light. Best laid plans and all that.
When the day arrived she slipped easily into trance, and readily contacted the entity. The session was short, so I've included the full transcript below, along with a post-session conversation where she told the story of the "figures," set of Kachina dolls, that she had bought at a flea market in Denver, and added further information about the entity that didn't come out in the session. I like having the full transcript because it provides the flavor of the session and how the information was uncovered.
I've cut out most of my instructions where they didn't add to the story. My words are in italics.
Start of trance session.
"I think he was…he performed, or he participated, in these ceremonies. He may have been one of the figures.
He’s not a great talker.
He’s not showing me very much. He’s saying that the most important thing is just to be.
What is his purpose in being here?
He didn’t have anywhere else to go.
Why is that?
He’s been cutoff, somehow…from his life.
So, what happened?
He had to leave. Something awful happened. He wasn’t thrown out, but there’s something he can’t forgive.
Where was he?
Somewhere down where there’s sand, a desert. He says it’s a place where I’ve been. He’s telling me, “You know the place.”
Can he show you that place from your own memory?
He says I drove onto it. Oh, it’s somewhere near Santa Fe. No, no, he says, “You drove onto the reservation.” I’m seeing the reservation houses. They’re all sandstone buildings, and there’s no landscaping around them. They don’t landscape at all. I remember driving on to that reservation. Acoma, Acoma Pueblo.
What was it like when he was there?
Things don’t change.
What were the people like?
He says they were already breaking apart.
In what way?
They were leaving, they were going their separate ways. They weren’t coherent. Not as it had been when he was growing up.
How old was he at this point?
I not seeing…he’s not showing me that. No ideas are coming into my mind.
Ok. What was he purpose at that time?
He went out to catch an eagle. He was very much into the culture, and the traditions.
Oh, it changed. It changed a great deal when Los Alamos was started. He says that’s when it started. The Los Alamos project put a lot of people…strangers…and things are not the same. I see Santa Fe, as it was, [can’t understand]. He’s showing me Santa Fe, I can see it. There’s still horse carts on the road. And there’s the hotel. And everything’s adobe, it looks very different.
What was being lost?
[can’t understand], the sense of who they were. They sold out. He’s saying that they sold out. And he spoke up, in meetings. He said that they were selling out. But they wanted the money, they wanted the development. He said, “Is that who we are, sitting outside the governor’s place selling jewelry? Is that who we are?” He said, “What are you going to do next? Are you going to sell tickets to the festivals?” And so he left.
Where did he go?
He took a construction job. He went to Denver.
Then what happened?
I think he was killed. I think he was killed in a accident. And no one know who he was. And they took the things he had brought with him…and they were sold.
What are those things?
He had ritual things. He had sacred feathers, and pottery, and sand painting. And he had the kachinas. But there were more. And he says he doesn’t want to go back.
Go back where?
To where he started. He doesn’t wish to return.
His home? Where he was born?
Yeah, he doesn’t want to go back to the desert where he was born.
Perhaps it’s time to return to the Source?
He opening up his arms, to the sun.
Is there someone he knows and trusts, that has past on before him?
He said himself, he’s made a promise to himself. He says I cannot help him.
Help who?
Him. Whoever this person is. That’s why he…he says he is the wanderer.
What is his purpose?
I don’t think he knows.
What is the promise he made to himself?
Meaning. He’s looking for meaning. He thought he knew. He says, what he liked about me, is that I’m looking for the same thing.
Is he attached to all his old possessions?
He says, some of them are long lost. Some have been destroyed. These were the only possessions that came into the hands of someone who understood them.
What do you want to do now?
He wishes to do one, he says, one glorious thing. Something, that when he talks to the elders who have gone before him, something he can present to them that gives some purpose to his life.
What kind of thing might that be?
He wants to teach. He wants someone to understand the old ways. Because he said they are sacred, beautiful, ways. He says I cannot help him, but I can be useful to him.
How would he do his teaching?
He says he has already started.
Good. Who is he teaching?
He has attracted…He’s attracted to the ceremonies. That is all he’ll tell me. He says these are the sacred mysteries. He is in this house because it is a safe, supportive place for him, while he pursues the things that give him joy and make it possible for him. He means no harm.
..., how comfortable are you having him here?
I feel rather blessed.
Is there anything he could do to make it a little more comfortable?
Tell me tales. When I sleep, tell me tales. Tell me the stories that you would have told the children. He told the stories to the children, when they sat in the kivas. I can see now, the ladder coming down. And the smoke, you climb down through the purifying smoke. And the children, sitting cross-legged around him in a circle.
Coyote. He’s telling stories of Coyote…Coyote and the jackrabbit…"
End of trance session
To where he started. He doesn’t wish to return.
His home? Where he was born?
Yeah, he doesn’t want to go back to the desert where he was born.
Perhaps it’s time to return to the Source?
He opening up his arms, to the sun.
Is there someone he knows and trusts, that has past on before him?
He said himself, he’s made a promise to himself. He says I cannot help him.
Help who?
Him. Whoever this person is. That’s why he…he says he is the wanderer.
What is his purpose?
I don’t think he knows.
What is the promise he made to himself?
Meaning. He’s looking for meaning. He thought he knew. He says, what he liked about me, is that I’m looking for the same thing.
Is he attached to all his old possessions?
He says, some of them are long lost. Some have been destroyed. These were the only possessions that came into the hands of someone who understood them.
What do you want to do now?
He wishes to do one, he says, one glorious thing. Something, that when he talks to the elders who have gone before him, something he can present to them that gives some purpose to his life.
What kind of thing might that be?
He wants to teach. He wants someone to understand the old ways. Because he said they are sacred, beautiful, ways. He says I cannot help him, but I can be useful to him.
How would he do his teaching?
He says he has already started.
Good. Who is he teaching?
He has attracted…He’s attracted to the ceremonies. That is all he’ll tell me. He says these are the sacred mysteries. He is in this house because it is a safe, supportive place for him, while he pursues the things that give him joy and make it possible for him. He means no harm.
..., how comfortable are you having him here?
I feel rather blessed.
Is there anything he could do to make it a little more comfortable?
Tell me tales. When I sleep, tell me tales. Tell me the stories that you would have told the children. He told the stories to the children, when they sat in the kivas. I can see now, the ladder coming down. And the smoke, you climb down through the purifying smoke. And the children, sitting cross-legged around him in a circle.
Coyote. He’s telling stories of Coyote…Coyote and the jackrabbit…"
End of trance session
The post-session discussion starts here.
Start of recording
"Do you want me to tell the story of where I got those dolls from?
Yeah.
It was in an antique mall in Denver. It was a big one, the biggest one in Denver. So you can just imagine the size of it. And, I walked in and, the only way you can systematically do something that big is to just walk the aisles. And, as you go by these places, where the people have their stuff out, you just, sort of get a quick idea of what is there. You don’t have to stop at all. And I got down to this one particular place and, just something about it, it was very jumbled, and something about it sort of said, “You should come in and look.”
And so I sauntered in and looked around, and for the most part, there was no rhyme or reason to it. Just all sorts of things thrown together. Then all of a sudden I caught a glimpse of one of these Kachinas, down in the corner. In this cabinet and to the back. And there were actually four of them, and I only took three. And, something called me very much to them. And so I had to go get the guy, the manager to come and unlock the case, so I could pull them out and look at them.
Initially I only took two. Then when I got them home, there was sort of a sense of incompletion. So I felt very called. I had to drive clear across Denver to go back. The other two were still there, and I took the third one of them. I didn’t care as much, I didn’t feel drawn to the forth one so, it still may be up there. That’s how I got them.
I brought them home and I cleaned them up and replaced the feathers on MudHead, and they came down from Denver and have been part of me ever since. That’s how they came into my life. But I only started realizing that there was something going on with them when I brought them here. (She currently lives in Vancouver, Washington) Particularly when [her partner] died, that was back in December, that was when I realized that there was something going on with them. They’re very much a powerful influence.
Yeah, the strongest I’ve felt, personally.
And he (the spirit we call the Teacher) is not angry, he’s not upset, he’s just passionate. He’s passionate about what he believes. He’s passionate about the importance of it. And he wants to do something…what did he tell me…something…
Wonderful…?
Something important. And I don’t think it really involves me, it’s more I’m hosting him, providing him a place to collect himself.
Or a platform to…if it’s…telling his stories and getting his information out there is part of the process. Perhaps when certain people see it, perhaps they might be drawn to it.
Well I think I will still see if I can send his Kachinas back. Because he is, despite his feelings, he is part of that. That pueblo. He may have left them and he may deny that he is, but he is. And if I can send them back then, perhaps, that will bring him some peace. But I think that even if I send them back, that he is going to leave. He’s found a comfortable and congenial place because I value the same things he does. And as long as he finds it meaningful, I’m not going to object too much to it.
But I can tell him that I would like that if he is the one that showed me that cavern, with the carved figures…when I did my own…
[instructions]
Generally I’ve tried to meditation, but I have so much static, so many people coming at me, that I don’t always really get through to that place of calm.
What do you mean, so many people coming at you?
I’m aware of presences, as I start to go down. I’m aware my husband’s talking to me, I’ve got my mother, I’ve got all sorts of wild things going through my mind. It’s very difficult to get beyond them. And this time that I did, I was shown the picture of a large eye. You know, the third eye?
Yeah, Ok.
And that when I went through that eye, into what was beyond, I think I told you there was someone with me, who was showing me? I found myself going through the light, going into a huge cavern, where there was…it was infinite. You couldn’t see the beginning or the end or anything. And I was taken into a side room, and it was almost as if somebody had a flashlight, or something was illuminating the walls. Because I thought that if this was the Akashic records…I was expecting them to be books, and in English. And it wasn’t.
All of the walls were intricately carved, almost like alabaster or marble, intricately carved with…it looked like Indian art. You know those three-dimensional friezes where they have all these figures? You know, east Indian, real India. You got these three-dimensional friezes of figures, often quite sensual?
Ok
And the whole wall, and the ceiling…you couldn’t see the ceiling, everything was covered with these intricate carvings, and I was told, this is your soul group. This is where you belong.
And that has always been an issue for me. Where do I belong? And so, essentially they’re telling me, “Stop worrying about where you belong, in the earth plain, this is where you belong. This is your group, so to speak. And that was very comforting. And the fellow that was with me, very reticent, very quite. I asked his name, and I got the message, “You’re not ready for this.” If that was him, then he could help me, if he wants to teach, then take me back. Show me, show me what is there. Because apparently he can also go backwards or forwards as he wishes.
End of recording
I think it's fascinating how the spirit taught her though pictures, even though she didn't know he was there. In the end the spirit left on it's own. He left her the understanding that she wasn't the person he needed to fulfill whatever purpose he had in mind.
This instance ended well, with the spirit comfortably gone and the dolls are now just regular dolls. It doesn't always happen that way: objects with energy or attachments of various kinds are out there and can cause significant trouble. Sometimes they can be cleared, but other times it's just better to get rid of them. One options is to send them to one of the Paranormal Museums that know how to handle and store these kind of objects in a safe manor. If you think you may have a haunted or cursed object, contact me and I'll see what I can do for you: AQuestioningSpiritTherapy@gmail.com.
Thursday, August 4, 2016
Taking Care of Family
I regularly go to a hypnotherapy MeetUp where I learn new techniques, and every time I do, I ask for volunteers to practice on. I usually get a couple of takers. This is one of those sessions.
The new techniques are for quick inductions, like you see in hypnosis stage shows. But this client really didn’t need anything because she, as long as I have been working with her, she can go under with a single command, but I got my practice in anyway.
The client wanted to get completion with her older sister, call her A, who had died a few years ago. In the process she ended up visiting another sister and some other people as well. The client is female, in her 70’s, and had two sister, one which was very psychic and one that was staunchly atheist/materialistic and thought all that paranormal stuff was pure bunk.
The induction went fast, and she when directly to a beautiful place: “I found myself sitting on a stone floor in front of a stone throne that was two steps up from where I sat. Behind me was an almost life-sized Buddha figure. The room was ringed with small stained glass windows with Christian themes. The stone floor and throne setting seemed very old and had a roughish, primitive appearance. The floor, though, was very smooth and comfortable. The room seemed to me to represent various faiths that I had encountered and the idea that I had accepted parts of each one and the room illustrated that. I think I laughed out loud several times as I found the room quite delightful.”
She did laugh, and cry, many times throughout the session.
When she finished describing the room, I asked A to join her: “I had a very hard time not seeing her as a dead body, but gradually bits and pieces of her personality began to come through. She said to me, laughing ‘I can sparkle and (?) for you if that’s what you want, but you know we don’t really need that.’ Not her exact words, but that was the general idea, that if I needed to see her as lively and ‘lifelike’ she could do that.”
“I had felt that I had let her down as she was dying by not impressing on her that she should look for the light, a guide, etc., but she had turned to a standard form of religion not long before she died, and I realized that I hadn’t felt right about ‘imposing’ my beliefs about the afterlife on her at that point.”
“We ‘talked’ for a while, and she reminded me that we both knew there were no boundaries and that we could communicate without outside support. I gave her permission to ‘drop in’ whenever she felt like it.”
The client laughed and cried during this conversation. She then said her “so longs” to A (No Good-Byes here, they would be talking again!). Something she said made me suspect there might me more to do here, so I suggested that she see if there was someone else she wanted to talk to:
“Then I looked for my other sister. Call her B. She died a few months after A. I had felt really bad that I was unable to understand what she was saying the last time we spoke, as her voice was very rough and she was sort of mumbling. I felt worse that I had no idea whether the last words I spoke to her conveyed anything of my feelings about her. We never did address that in this session, but it didn’t seem to matter.”
“When I first saw her in this session she was sitting in a sort of office – a small room with books, papers, a computer. She said she knew she was dead, but thought she might just as well stay in her little room as she didn’t believe there was anything else out there.”
I was looking for a way to get B to consider leaving the room. B had said that she was writing letters, so I asked something like, would the people they were addressed to ever read them. That gave B pause, she had never considered that. Somehow in the conversation, the fact that one of her sons had died, came up. A suggested the client go with that: “I asked her if she knew that one of her sons had recently died. At this point, Rod asked me to encourage her to open the door of her room, and when she did, the son was standing there. They eventually walked off happily together.”
Then the client switched back to A: “She more or less brushed off all my apologies, conveying to me that it wasn’t important, that what I had or hadn’t said to her didn’t impede her in any way. Our Dad came to get her, and the two of them walked off together. I just realized that it didn’t occur to me to try to speak with my Dad. He said to A that, although he had never actually said it to her, he hoped she knew that he had always loved her very much.”
“While she and I were talking, I felt that I wanted to hug her or touch her in some way. I realized that we had never been ‘huggy’ with each other, but we did have a very strong bond. She was very lighted-hearted and laughed a lot, which was typical of her in life.”
“Rod brought me back to the original room.” (The “Chapel”) “I felt much more peaceful that I had at the beginning.”
I had a “Ah Ha” moment during this session. There was one point where it felt like I had lost focus, or my mind had wandered. This has happened, from time to time, and I usually just feel bad and double my efforts to stay focused. This time I got something totally different, because I realized that it had happened right after I had the client to give a suggestion to one of her sisters. What had actually happened is the that energy of the room had shifted, which I believe meant that the sister we had been talking to had had an insight and we were making progress!
When I read this, I can’t help but think that there are some important points that are missing, but I just can’t remember them. Lesson learned: I need to start recording all my sessions.
The new techniques are for quick inductions, like you see in hypnosis stage shows. But this client really didn’t need anything because she, as long as I have been working with her, she can go under with a single command, but I got my practice in anyway.
The client wanted to get completion with her older sister, call her A, who had died a few years ago. In the process she ended up visiting another sister and some other people as well. The client is female, in her 70’s, and had two sister, one which was very psychic and one that was staunchly atheist/materialistic and thought all that paranormal stuff was pure bunk.
The induction went fast, and she when directly to a beautiful place: “I found myself sitting on a stone floor in front of a stone throne that was two steps up from where I sat. Behind me was an almost life-sized Buddha figure. The room was ringed with small stained glass windows with Christian themes. The stone floor and throne setting seemed very old and had a roughish, primitive appearance. The floor, though, was very smooth and comfortable. The room seemed to me to represent various faiths that I had encountered and the idea that I had accepted parts of each one and the room illustrated that. I think I laughed out loud several times as I found the room quite delightful.”
She did laugh, and cry, many times throughout the session.
When she finished describing the room, I asked A to join her: “I had a very hard time not seeing her as a dead body, but gradually bits and pieces of her personality began to come through. She said to me, laughing ‘I can sparkle and (?) for you if that’s what you want, but you know we don’t really need that.’ Not her exact words, but that was the general idea, that if I needed to see her as lively and ‘lifelike’ she could do that.”
“I had felt that I had let her down as she was dying by not impressing on her that she should look for the light, a guide, etc., but she had turned to a standard form of religion not long before she died, and I realized that I hadn’t felt right about ‘imposing’ my beliefs about the afterlife on her at that point.”
“We ‘talked’ for a while, and she reminded me that we both knew there were no boundaries and that we could communicate without outside support. I gave her permission to ‘drop in’ whenever she felt like it.”
The client laughed and cried during this conversation. She then said her “so longs” to A (No Good-Byes here, they would be talking again!). Something she said made me suspect there might me more to do here, so I suggested that she see if there was someone else she wanted to talk to:
“Then I looked for my other sister. Call her B. She died a few months after A. I had felt really bad that I was unable to understand what she was saying the last time we spoke, as her voice was very rough and she was sort of mumbling. I felt worse that I had no idea whether the last words I spoke to her conveyed anything of my feelings about her. We never did address that in this session, but it didn’t seem to matter.”
“When I first saw her in this session she was sitting in a sort of office – a small room with books, papers, a computer. She said she knew she was dead, but thought she might just as well stay in her little room as she didn’t believe there was anything else out there.”
I was looking for a way to get B to consider leaving the room. B had said that she was writing letters, so I asked something like, would the people they were addressed to ever read them. That gave B pause, she had never considered that. Somehow in the conversation, the fact that one of her sons had died, came up. A suggested the client go with that: “I asked her if she knew that one of her sons had recently died. At this point, Rod asked me to encourage her to open the door of her room, and when she did, the son was standing there. They eventually walked off happily together.”
Then the client switched back to A: “She more or less brushed off all my apologies, conveying to me that it wasn’t important, that what I had or hadn’t said to her didn’t impede her in any way. Our Dad came to get her, and the two of them walked off together. I just realized that it didn’t occur to me to try to speak with my Dad. He said to A that, although he had never actually said it to her, he hoped she knew that he had always loved her very much.”
“While she and I were talking, I felt that I wanted to hug her or touch her in some way. I realized that we had never been ‘huggy’ with each other, but we did have a very strong bond. She was very lighted-hearted and laughed a lot, which was typical of her in life.”
“Rod brought me back to the original room.” (The “Chapel”) “I felt much more peaceful that I had at the beginning.”
I had a “Ah Ha” moment during this session. There was one point where it felt like I had lost focus, or my mind had wandered. This has happened, from time to time, and I usually just feel bad and double my efforts to stay focused. This time I got something totally different, because I realized that it had happened right after I had the client to give a suggestion to one of her sisters. What had actually happened is the that energy of the room had shifted, which I believe meant that the sister we had been talking to had had an insight and we were making progress!
When I read this, I can’t help but think that there are some important points that are missing, but I just can’t remember them. Lesson learned: I need to start recording all my sessions.
Monday, February 8, 2016
Friends and Changes
This week I continued my education by starting in class in Ericksonian hypnosis techniques at HCH Institute. I found out right away that it’s a bit different than I thought, and it takes a lot more skill and practice than I realized. Frankly, I don’t think a four week seminar is going to teach me anywhere near enough to use it well. I expect that I’ll end up with a good idea of what I need to practice and some resources to explore further.
What’s really tricky about the Ericksonian technique is that you don’t have any direct feedback from the client. I always had the impression that the Ericksonian practitioner was pretty much, ‘flying blind’, but that’s not it at all. What the practitioner is really doing is constantly modifying his script, based on subtle physical queues from the client, and intuition too, I suppose. The trick, of course, is learning to read those queues and also having a ready supply of things to say, at your fingertips. That may be my biggest challenge.
At the break, I got to connect with two friends from previous courses. That was very cool cause I feel very close to them. It would be nice to see them more often, but I’m getting that would not be the best idea right now. Which leads me to thinking about relationships again.
I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever really ‘get’ relationships, especially with women. I suppose that I don’t worry about my relationships with men because it’s easy to take ‘em or leave ‘em. It would be nice to have friends to hang out with, but I know if I know what that means. What do these thinks look like from the inside? I don’t know. I do know it feels really awkward to ask anyone to hang out or get a beer or something. “Hanging” always ends up feeling awkward, unless there are other people there, or there’s some definite purpose for the meeting. The whole idea of “dating” just feels weird. I think my issue comes from the fact that, when I was younger, dates were all about sex, and now that has be pushed way to the background I have no idea what to replace it with.
I think my problem revolves around not being any good about having friends. I’ve spent most of my life getting people to like me. Now that I don’t really care about that any more, what else is there? I expect that I will, eventually, meet the right people with the right personalities and enough common interests that we have things to do together. I have spent so much of my life being the significant other, the plus one, the friend, the hanger on in somebody else’s group, that I never found, or built, a place for myself. A place where I was me, not somebody’s attachment. Finding those groups and building those relationships takes time, especially at my age. On of the blessing of my age is that time passes quickly. Days, weeks, and almost months, go by before I notice them. So, waiting isn’t really all that hard.
My life is so much more positive now and good things keep coming my way, so I have high hopes that “this too shall pass.” That the present difficulties and awkwardnesses will work themselves out. I’m only focusing on those few things I have to do, like work, taxes and finding a place to live, and letting everything else be a game. I psychic told be recently that I need to stop worrying so much about making the “right” decisions, decisions that will last me another 20 years. I can kick back, relax, cruz, have fun and take my time. It’s still hard to completely let go of that feeling that I need to fix and solve everything right now, but it’s important that I do. “Marry in hast, repent in leisure,” applies not just to marriage.
I’ve spent a lot of time “trying on” different kinds of relationships in my meditations. I find that everything I imagine doesn’t work very well when placed in the context of my real life. I think that’s telling me that my fantasies are a bunch of crap, and reality, when it shows up, will be something very different. So I don’t know what to expect and that’s a good thing. Life would be a lot less fun if I knew everything ahead of time, good and bad, so let’s raise a cold one to the unexpected. My it keep us on our toes and nimble of mind and heart.
Friday, January 1, 2016
A Question of Time?
I was talking to a potential client last night and she asked me how many sessions it would take to solve her problem. The stopped me. I ended up saying “just one,” but now, I’m not so sure. I hear other practitioners talking about clients that they see, regularly, for months or years. Most of my clients seem to get finished up in one session, and then I never hear from them again, and I always took that as a good sign. But I'm thinking now that different people, with different challenges, will probably need more time.
It’s dawned on me that many people need both education and treatment. Hypnosis sessions are good for uncovering what's behind the issues they face, but then what to do about it is up to the client. They will often get instructions about what they need to do to resolve the issue, but that still can leave them facing the same reluctance to act that created the issue in the first place. Knowledge is helpful, but the necessary next step is to understand what to do with that knowledge. In a couple of cases, I've had clients that discovered that the habits they wanted to get rid of, like smoking, or over eating, were a direct consequence of seemingly unrelated choices and their core values. In one case, an inflexible core of self-sacrifice forced an "somethings got to give" response from the subconscious, resulting in the habit, as compensation. These clients choose not to re-examine their beliefs, so they left with nothing changed. I hope you now have an understanding why simply laying on "good" suggestions and positive affirmations often don't work all that well.
Hypnosis is a powerful tool that allows us to uncover the source of challenges, and to release emotional charge around them. This often causes a shift in the client without them being consciously aware if it. They know something's up, but don't know what it is, and that can be confusing and frighting. The intensity of these feelings are directly related to the size of the shift. When I went through my shifts, it felt like the world had rewritten itself around me. Everyone was acting so differently towards me! Slowly I realized that what I was experiencing was due to both changes in how I acted, and how I interpreted other people's reactions. It would have been nice to have someone me navigate these strange waters, and guide me through the rough patches. I strive to offer my clients both relief and guidance.
So, what do I say when someone asks me “How long is this going to take?” It’s a valid question. If it was me, I sure would like to know what I’m signing up for, too. But I'm just not sure what to say, other than “It depends.” For people with just a "single issue," like to do one long session, which includes some counseling at the end, followed by a couple of short, followup sessions, as needed. For people who are on a path, or have a number of issues, we can work as long as they feel the need. I encourage clients to work as the feel the need and to quit when they're ready. When I was in therapy, and when I was working with any teacher or program, I knew when I was "done." I knew when I had reached the point where I got all I was going to get and it was time to move on. I want my clients to feel the same.
I don't think that any professional in this area really knows how long something is going to take. Every client is different, they work differently and have their own path. There really are two distinct types of clients, the ones that just want something "fixed," and those that recognize that life's a journey and that hypnosis is one effective tool to remove blocks and help clarify their path. In the best case, the "fixers" will evolve into "seekers," as they use the tools that I teach them, as they begin uncover and fulfill their life's purpose.
It’s dawned on me that many people need both education and treatment. Hypnosis sessions are good for uncovering what's behind the issues they face, but then what to do about it is up to the client. They will often get instructions about what they need to do to resolve the issue, but that still can leave them facing the same reluctance to act that created the issue in the first place. Knowledge is helpful, but the necessary next step is to understand what to do with that knowledge. In a couple of cases, I've had clients that discovered that the habits they wanted to get rid of, like smoking, or over eating, were a direct consequence of seemingly unrelated choices and their core values. In one case, an inflexible core of self-sacrifice forced an "somethings got to give" response from the subconscious, resulting in the habit, as compensation. These clients choose not to re-examine their beliefs, so they left with nothing changed. I hope you now have an understanding why simply laying on "good" suggestions and positive affirmations often don't work all that well.
Hypnosis is a powerful tool that allows us to uncover the source of challenges, and to release emotional charge around them. This often causes a shift in the client without them being consciously aware if it. They know something's up, but don't know what it is, and that can be confusing and frighting. The intensity of these feelings are directly related to the size of the shift. When I went through my shifts, it felt like the world had rewritten itself around me. Everyone was acting so differently towards me! Slowly I realized that what I was experiencing was due to both changes in how I acted, and how I interpreted other people's reactions. It would have been nice to have someone me navigate these strange waters, and guide me through the rough patches. I strive to offer my clients both relief and guidance.
So, what do I say when someone asks me “How long is this going to take?” It’s a valid question. If it was me, I sure would like to know what I’m signing up for, too. But I'm just not sure what to say, other than “It depends.” For people with just a "single issue," like to do one long session, which includes some counseling at the end, followed by a couple of short, followup sessions, as needed. For people who are on a path, or have a number of issues, we can work as long as they feel the need. I encourage clients to work as the feel the need and to quit when they're ready. When I was in therapy, and when I was working with any teacher or program, I knew when I was "done." I knew when I had reached the point where I got all I was going to get and it was time to move on. I want my clients to feel the same.
I don't think that any professional in this area really knows how long something is going to take. Every client is different, they work differently and have their own path. There really are two distinct types of clients, the ones that just want something "fixed," and those that recognize that life's a journey and that hypnosis is one effective tool to remove blocks and help clarify their path. In the best case, the "fixers" will evolve into "seekers," as they use the tools that I teach them, as they begin uncover and fulfill their life's purpose.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
What's a Metaphor Anyway?
We did a class exercise that explored the idea of characterizing a particular personal issue as a house, and then exploring and working with that house as a way of exploring and learning about the issue.
The last three days of classes have been intense. I presume it’s because the things we’re studying are bringing up a lot of personal issues for me, and I needed time to process them. This is good. The last thing you want is to have a client trigger issues in the therapist that he don’t know how to deal with. Ideally, of course, us therapists will have cleared out all our “stuff” before we start working with clients, but we’re human, so, there you are.
Now I see why it makes sense for the classes to be spread out the way they are, for you really need time to practice and process between intensives. For me, some of these issues are long-standing and heavy, and I would be really nice to get them out of the way. But, the way this deep stuff works, I won’t really know what’s going on until I get right down to it. I just know that something’s there and it’s messing with me. These techniques continue to bring different aspects of it to the surface. A piece at a time makes it easier to handle.
For my issue, I choose “being blocked.” I’ve been dealing with a feeling of being blocked for quite some time now, it’s like there are certain memories, abilities, and even, perhaps, emotions, that I don’t have access to, and they are manifesting physical issues and behaviors that I’d like to get rid of. So that’s where I went.
The process is to have the client (in a trance) imagine a house, as representing the issue they want to focus on. In my case, I saw a massive red brick edifice with only a single, small, black, door, smack dab in the middle. There were no windows or decorations of any kind. From the outside, I saw this huge, rectangular wall in the center, that was rock-solid, surrounded by, on either side and above, extra turrets and extensions that were faint, fuzzy and were constantly shifting and flickering in and out of view.
Going inside, I saw a medium-sized room in almost total darkness, with no furniture that I could see. The walls were a very dark red wood with black decorations. The decorations were very difficult to make out. In front of me was a long hallway with a bright light at the far end. The walls of the hallway were the same as the room. When I went down the hallway, I discovered that the bright light was a yellowish-white, glowing, sphere that was much bigger than the hallway and completely blocked the exit. At that time, I could not go into the sphere.
Turning back, I attempted to fix, clean or renovate this “house.” At first nothing happened, then it was like a massive, silent explosion. What was left, when the dust cleared, was just the stubs of walls, in the rectangular shape, filled with deep drifts of dust or sand. The only things left standing were the solid wall with the front door in it, and the yellow sphere. It seemed I was still trapped inside the ruined walls, between the door and the sphere.
At one point, I attempted to tear down the front wall by knocking a hole in it with a sledgehammer. When I did, I saw more yellow-white light on the other side, and something, kind of like a fist, came through the hole and punched me. Unfortunately, we had to leave it there because it was a class exercise and we were time-limited.
These things alway bring me surprises. I truly was not expecting to find that brick house and yellow sphere, but I’m sure it tells me something about who I am and what’s going on inside my head. At this point, everything seems to point to some, significant, trauma when I was five years old. But you never know with this work. It may turn out to be all about something completely different, and what looks like trauma, may turn out to be completely different. We’ll see. In the meantime, I have plenty to chew on in my meditation sessions.
The last three days of classes have been intense. I presume it’s because the things we’re studying are bringing up a lot of personal issues for me, and I needed time to process them. This is good. The last thing you want is to have a client trigger issues in the therapist that he don’t know how to deal with. Ideally, of course, us therapists will have cleared out all our “stuff” before we start working with clients, but we’re human, so, there you are.
Now I see why it makes sense for the classes to be spread out the way they are, for you really need time to practice and process between intensives. For me, some of these issues are long-standing and heavy, and I would be really nice to get them out of the way. But, the way this deep stuff works, I won’t really know what’s going on until I get right down to it. I just know that something’s there and it’s messing with me. These techniques continue to bring different aspects of it to the surface. A piece at a time makes it easier to handle.
For my issue, I choose “being blocked.” I’ve been dealing with a feeling of being blocked for quite some time now, it’s like there are certain memories, abilities, and even, perhaps, emotions, that I don’t have access to, and they are manifesting physical issues and behaviors that I’d like to get rid of. So that’s where I went.
The process is to have the client (in a trance) imagine a house, as representing the issue they want to focus on. In my case, I saw a massive red brick edifice with only a single, small, black, door, smack dab in the middle. There were no windows or decorations of any kind. From the outside, I saw this huge, rectangular wall in the center, that was rock-solid, surrounded by, on either side and above, extra turrets and extensions that were faint, fuzzy and were constantly shifting and flickering in and out of view.
Going inside, I saw a medium-sized room in almost total darkness, with no furniture that I could see. The walls were a very dark red wood with black decorations. The decorations were very difficult to make out. In front of me was a long hallway with a bright light at the far end. The walls of the hallway were the same as the room. When I went down the hallway, I discovered that the bright light was a yellowish-white, glowing, sphere that was much bigger than the hallway and completely blocked the exit. At that time, I could not go into the sphere.
Turning back, I attempted to fix, clean or renovate this “house.” At first nothing happened, then it was like a massive, silent explosion. What was left, when the dust cleared, was just the stubs of walls, in the rectangular shape, filled with deep drifts of dust or sand. The only things left standing were the solid wall with the front door in it, and the yellow sphere. It seemed I was still trapped inside the ruined walls, between the door and the sphere.
At one point, I attempted to tear down the front wall by knocking a hole in it with a sledgehammer. When I did, I saw more yellow-white light on the other side, and something, kind of like a fist, came through the hole and punched me. Unfortunately, we had to leave it there because it was a class exercise and we were time-limited.
These things alway bring me surprises. I truly was not expecting to find that brick house and yellow sphere, but I’m sure it tells me something about who I am and what’s going on inside my head. At this point, everything seems to point to some, significant, trauma when I was five years old. But you never know with this work. It may turn out to be all about something completely different, and what looks like trauma, may turn out to be completely different. We’ll see. In the meantime, I have plenty to chew on in my meditation sessions.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
I'm up against it
I just finished my first three, eight-hour, days of hypnosis training. It’s a lot to take in, a lot to practice, absorb and own. And I’m “Up against it.” “It” started near the end of the second day, and that night I had two, “visions,” if you will, one joyful and one disturbing.
Near the end of the second day, my stomach began to bother me. Nothing major, but a small discomfort that gradually grew until it was pretty nasty by evening. It’s been bothering me on and off for months. Lately it’s been quiet, but it really began to amp up when I volunteered to participate in the last demonstration of the day.
The demonstration was on Skill Rehearsal, which is walking the client through something they want to practice without actually doing it. Though it’s really big in sports right now, it can be used for practically anything. It I can help improve skill, and reduce anxiety, depending on what you need. The skill I picked was a cold reading in a theatrical audition. (I was a little surprised that no one there had ever heard that term!) I found myself balking as the instructor lead me through the process, I was feeling embarrassed and stupid because I picked such a lame thing to work on. I worked through it, as best I could, but I was really uncomfortable and, actually, afraid. I don’t know what I was afraid of, but there you are. It’s now two days later and that feeling of fear and panic still hasn’t left.
After the exercise, we were talking and someone mentioned that they knew of an improv group, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was “I suck at improv!” Where did that come from?! And, at the same time, I saw a brick wall in my minds eye. That was the barrier that keeps me from going “off script” when I speak. It doesn’t need to be in public, but there needs to be a least one other person present. I call it the “deer in the headlights” feeling, where I freeze, mentally and physically, when the unexpected happens.
Later that night I had two scenes come into my head. A cool, positive one, that I don’t remember, and a disturbing one that is firmly entrenched in my memory. In that scene, there was a woman in front of me with large breasts that stuck straight out, about a foot, like handles. She had no face, the front of her head was blank. I was grasping both breasts, one in each hand, and squeezing as hard as I could. These breasts felt more like rubber than natural flesh. As I was squeezing, I was totally present to the feelings in my hands and arms as they were trembling with the effort. In my mind was the certainty that I would be released, if I just squeezed hard enough and I absolutely could not wait any longer. I had to get out RIGHT NOW!
I’m at a loss to understand what it meant. I shared it with the teacher the next morning, but she couldn’t offer any useful insights either. Since then, my stomach has been really bothering me, and sleep has been trial since I now have a huge sense of urgency that just will not leave me alone. It attaches to everything around me and I feel that, if I’m not careful, I could just lose it in a panic to “get things done.”
That’s enough for today. I will continue working.
Near the end of the second day, my stomach began to bother me. Nothing major, but a small discomfort that gradually grew until it was pretty nasty by evening. It’s been bothering me on and off for months. Lately it’s been quiet, but it really began to amp up when I volunteered to participate in the last demonstration of the day.
The demonstration was on Skill Rehearsal, which is walking the client through something they want to practice without actually doing it. Though it’s really big in sports right now, it can be used for practically anything. It I can help improve skill, and reduce anxiety, depending on what you need. The skill I picked was a cold reading in a theatrical audition. (I was a little surprised that no one there had ever heard that term!) I found myself balking as the instructor lead me through the process, I was feeling embarrassed and stupid because I picked such a lame thing to work on. I worked through it, as best I could, but I was really uncomfortable and, actually, afraid. I don’t know what I was afraid of, but there you are. It’s now two days later and that feeling of fear and panic still hasn’t left.
After the exercise, we were talking and someone mentioned that they knew of an improv group, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was “I suck at improv!” Where did that come from?! And, at the same time, I saw a brick wall in my minds eye. That was the barrier that keeps me from going “off script” when I speak. It doesn’t need to be in public, but there needs to be a least one other person present. I call it the “deer in the headlights” feeling, where I freeze, mentally and physically, when the unexpected happens.
Later that night I had two scenes come into my head. A cool, positive one, that I don’t remember, and a disturbing one that is firmly entrenched in my memory. In that scene, there was a woman in front of me with large breasts that stuck straight out, about a foot, like handles. She had no face, the front of her head was blank. I was grasping both breasts, one in each hand, and squeezing as hard as I could. These breasts felt more like rubber than natural flesh. As I was squeezing, I was totally present to the feelings in my hands and arms as they were trembling with the effort. In my mind was the certainty that I would be released, if I just squeezed hard enough and I absolutely could not wait any longer. I had to get out RIGHT NOW!
I’m at a loss to understand what it meant. I shared it with the teacher the next morning, but she couldn’t offer any useful insights either. Since then, my stomach has been really bothering me, and sleep has been trial since I now have a huge sense of urgency that just will not leave me alone. It attaches to everything around me and I feel that, if I’m not careful, I could just lose it in a panic to “get things done.”
That’s enough for today. I will continue working.
Friday, January 23, 2015
Forest and Beaver
The other evening I went to an open house at HCH Institute, where I am planning to get my clinical hypnotherapy certification this winter, and had two very interesting experiences with example sessions they conducted. The institute is located on a hillside in Lafayette, CA., in a building with multiple levels, and had a very eclectic layout and decor that suits me fine. At the end of the evening, they conducted two sessions for the people who wanted to stay on after the presentations. One session was hypnosis and the other was called a Shamanic Journey.
During the first session, one of the faculty played the harp while another walked around the room, conducting the session. I usually have a difficult time in groups. I’m self-conscious and have a hard time letting go with other people around. This time was very different: As soon as I closed my eyes I was in another place that was so pervasive that I didn’t want to leave. Not only that, but afterwards the room felt awkward, like it was the “wrong” shape and smaller that it should be.
What I saw when I closed my eyes was a lush forest. it often takes me a while to form some kind of image, but this time it was just there as soon as I looked. All the people in the room were there as well, but different. The man playing the harp was still playing the harp, but he was a stag-like creature, thin, with dark fur, hooves and spiky, branching horns sticking straight up. Yes, it seemed a bit weird that a creature with hooves could play the harp, but there you go. The woman conducting the session was a transparent, white, ghostly entity. She seemed both a gray-white ball floating at head height and trailing transparent streamers down to the floor, and a white ghost woman wearing long robes. The rest of the people were just dark lumps that didn’t move, exactly in the same locations as they were with my eyes open. The room itself was much bigger. It was a clearing surrounded by dense, dark green, foliage. The greenery was so dense that I couldn’t see anything outside of the clearing.
In the foreground, kind of superimposed between me and the rest of the scene, was a small stream. A beaver (I think) was standing on it’s hind legs on a large rock on the far side of the stream, watching me, and otters played in the water. This bit seemed like something from somewhere else that was imposing itself on my mind’s eye, for some reason. The “beaver” first appeared in a meditation the day before, so I’m thinking it’s some kind of spirit guide. I suppose I’ll learn more about that later.
What was most unusual about this was it’s persistence. Lately I’m been having a real hard time focusing on anything in my meditations. My mind just jumps continuously from one image and idea to another. The forest image was rock solid the entire time, allowing me ample time to study the details. Another interesting thing about the image is that it’s not something I have ever seen before, in any of my imaginings. The only thing that resembles it, that I can think of, are certain romantic paintings of the late 1800’s.
The second session took us on a shamanic journey, accompanied by drumming. The leader asked us to go to a beach. I picked a beach I went to in my twenties when I was camping with friends. I don’t know exactly were it is, but it was probably somewhere south of Santa Cruz, California. I pictured the place at night, the time of the session, and I remembered the sea grass in the moonlight and felt a strong, cold wind off the water. We were asked to go into the water. This didn’t really work for me, as I know just how cold the water is out here, and the last thing I want to do in this weather is go into the water.
Never the less, I did go into the water. But I really couldn’t get into it because I know how really cold it is, and I just can’t see myself floating and relaxing in water that cold. At any rate, soon we had to come out. When I was walking out of the water, I saw the water going through my flesh, but not my bones. It was like I was a skeleton surrounded by a ghostly body.
When I got to the dry land, the beaver was there. Yes, I was thinking how odd it was for a beaver to be on a California beach. Then I observed to myself that it seemed awfully tiny, and immediately it grew to a huge size, standing on it’s hind legs. It was at least fifteen feet high and looking down on me. “Better?” it said. “Ok, fine! I get it!” I said, and it was once again a normal size. At that point the leader brought us back.
I am really looking foreword to my classes there. The place has an amazing energy and I expect to learn a lot.
During the first session, one of the faculty played the harp while another walked around the room, conducting the session. I usually have a difficult time in groups. I’m self-conscious and have a hard time letting go with other people around. This time was very different: As soon as I closed my eyes I was in another place that was so pervasive that I didn’t want to leave. Not only that, but afterwards the room felt awkward, like it was the “wrong” shape and smaller that it should be.
What I saw when I closed my eyes was a lush forest. it often takes me a while to form some kind of image, but this time it was just there as soon as I looked. All the people in the room were there as well, but different. The man playing the harp was still playing the harp, but he was a stag-like creature, thin, with dark fur, hooves and spiky, branching horns sticking straight up. Yes, it seemed a bit weird that a creature with hooves could play the harp, but there you go. The woman conducting the session was a transparent, white, ghostly entity. She seemed both a gray-white ball floating at head height and trailing transparent streamers down to the floor, and a white ghost woman wearing long robes. The rest of the people were just dark lumps that didn’t move, exactly in the same locations as they were with my eyes open. The room itself was much bigger. It was a clearing surrounded by dense, dark green, foliage. The greenery was so dense that I couldn’t see anything outside of the clearing.
In the foreground, kind of superimposed between me and the rest of the scene, was a small stream. A beaver (I think) was standing on it’s hind legs on a large rock on the far side of the stream, watching me, and otters played in the water. This bit seemed like something from somewhere else that was imposing itself on my mind’s eye, for some reason. The “beaver” first appeared in a meditation the day before, so I’m thinking it’s some kind of spirit guide. I suppose I’ll learn more about that later.
What was most unusual about this was it’s persistence. Lately I’m been having a real hard time focusing on anything in my meditations. My mind just jumps continuously from one image and idea to another. The forest image was rock solid the entire time, allowing me ample time to study the details. Another interesting thing about the image is that it’s not something I have ever seen before, in any of my imaginings. The only thing that resembles it, that I can think of, are certain romantic paintings of the late 1800’s.
The second session took us on a shamanic journey, accompanied by drumming. The leader asked us to go to a beach. I picked a beach I went to in my twenties when I was camping with friends. I don’t know exactly were it is, but it was probably somewhere south of Santa Cruz, California. I pictured the place at night, the time of the session, and I remembered the sea grass in the moonlight and felt a strong, cold wind off the water. We were asked to go into the water. This didn’t really work for me, as I know just how cold the water is out here, and the last thing I want to do in this weather is go into the water.
Never the less, I did go into the water. But I really couldn’t get into it because I know how really cold it is, and I just can’t see myself floating and relaxing in water that cold. At any rate, soon we had to come out. When I was walking out of the water, I saw the water going through my flesh, but not my bones. It was like I was a skeleton surrounded by a ghostly body.
When I got to the dry land, the beaver was there. Yes, I was thinking how odd it was for a beaver to be on a California beach. Then I observed to myself that it seemed awfully tiny, and immediately it grew to a huge size, standing on it’s hind legs. It was at least fifteen feet high and looking down on me. “Better?” it said. “Ok, fine! I get it!” I said, and it was once again a normal size. At that point the leader brought us back.
I am really looking foreword to my classes there. The place has an amazing energy and I expect to learn a lot.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
A Personal Insight
Today I learned something interesting about myself. It happened while I was exercising this morning and listening to the NPR Invisiblilia podcast “Fearless.” This is going to take a little setup, so please bear with me.
The insight came while I was pondering what I should write for today’s blog entry. I recently went to an open house at HCH Institute, where I am going to have my clinical hypnotherapy training, and I was thinking about writing about that. But I was feeling kind of squirrelly about that. In fact, I finally confronted that fact that I was kind of avoiding anything to do with my new profession. I have been doing that more and more of late, and feeling rather guilty about it.
I had assumed, without really thinking about it, that I was procrastinating out of some kind of fear. But that wasn’t it, so my efforts to handle it that way weren’t very successful. Maybe it was something about the people on the podcast talking about conquering fear, but, when I really looked at what I was feeling, I realized it was a feeling of “deer in the headlights.” What’s the difference? Well, I wasn’t trying to run away, but, instead, whenever I looked at the subject I would mentally freeze. And then I couldn’t get my mind working again until I turned my focus to something else.
This is a big deal for me. It finally gives me a way of thinking and dealing with the one thing that has often kept me immobile when dealing with problems in my life. What’s really interesting is that when I considered my options about what I should write about, this one got me moving. I could have “gotten around” to doing something today, one way or another, but this leaped out and said “Do me first!” The apathy around the whole subject is completely gone. I worked on this idea while I was on my morning walk, and I was thinking I should write about something else today so I would have to delve and meditate on this for more insights. But every instinct said “No! WRONG! Do it now!”
It’s funny how just knowing that my apathy came from this mental “freezing” has freed up my excitement again. It’s like there was an invisible, teflon coated dome over the subject, and I could only stay focused in it if I stood precisely on the top and didn’t move a muscle. No even a twitch. For if it did I would immediately slide off into another subject.
Is it totally gone? No. But I think that I now have a better handle on how to deal with it, and, through that, great many things. I see that I was also avoiding thinking of, and effectively dealing with, lots of related areas, like finances and self promotion. I was approaching them with a, timid, “don’t rock the boat,” “do as little as possible” attitude that left me in fear. Fear and worry about the future and whether it will all work out. Creating my own self-fulfilling prophecy of failure through inaction.
Maybe the exercises we did at the HCH open house had something to do with shaking this lose, maybe not. But, all in all, the apathy has lifted and I can work again, so I call it a plus.
The insight came while I was pondering what I should write for today’s blog entry. I recently went to an open house at HCH Institute, where I am going to have my clinical hypnotherapy training, and I was thinking about writing about that. But I was feeling kind of squirrelly about that. In fact, I finally confronted that fact that I was kind of avoiding anything to do with my new profession. I have been doing that more and more of late, and feeling rather guilty about it.
I had assumed, without really thinking about it, that I was procrastinating out of some kind of fear. But that wasn’t it, so my efforts to handle it that way weren’t very successful. Maybe it was something about the people on the podcast talking about conquering fear, but, when I really looked at what I was feeling, I realized it was a feeling of “deer in the headlights.” What’s the difference? Well, I wasn’t trying to run away, but, instead, whenever I looked at the subject I would mentally freeze. And then I couldn’t get my mind working again until I turned my focus to something else.
This is a big deal for me. It finally gives me a way of thinking and dealing with the one thing that has often kept me immobile when dealing with problems in my life. What’s really interesting is that when I considered my options about what I should write about, this one got me moving. I could have “gotten around” to doing something today, one way or another, but this leaped out and said “Do me first!” The apathy around the whole subject is completely gone. I worked on this idea while I was on my morning walk, and I was thinking I should write about something else today so I would have to delve and meditate on this for more insights. But every instinct said “No! WRONG! Do it now!”
It’s funny how just knowing that my apathy came from this mental “freezing” has freed up my excitement again. It’s like there was an invisible, teflon coated dome over the subject, and I could only stay focused in it if I stood precisely on the top and didn’t move a muscle. No even a twitch. For if it did I would immediately slide off into another subject.
Is it totally gone? No. But I think that I now have a better handle on how to deal with it, and, through that, great many things. I see that I was also avoiding thinking of, and effectively dealing with, lots of related areas, like finances and self promotion. I was approaching them with a, timid, “don’t rock the boat,” “do as little as possible” attitude that left me in fear. Fear and worry about the future and whether it will all work out. Creating my own self-fulfilling prophecy of failure through inaction.
Maybe the exercises we did at the HCH open house had something to do with shaking this lose, maybe not. But, all in all, the apathy has lifted and I can work again, so I call it a plus.
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