I'd rather be wrong

I’d rather be wrong than right. When I’m wrong, I find out something I didn’t know or didn’t understand. Being right teaches me nothing. Being wrong forces me to think. Being right brings me nothing but a small feeling of triumph. I’d rather learn than always be right, because there is so much I don’t know. The only way, I know of, to learn is to take my ideas out for a spin in the real world and see what works and what doesn’t. And trying things out shows just how many of them come up short. A lot of my ideas come up short, sometimes embarrassingly so. But that means I get to replace them, and that’s always a good thing.

Another side of “right” is always winning the argument. Whatever it may be. I know how hard it is to say something, and then have to admit that I was wrong or that I simply don’t really know. I’m just repeating what I heard somewhere, without thinking. You can always “win” an argument, if you’re loud enough, or persistent enough, but what’s the point? Every argument is a loss, no matter what the topic or outcome, from the moment it starts. Disagreements can be settled, but an argument is a contest, a battle with a winner and a loser and the facts are frequently the first causality. I am all too familiar with the feeling that comes from realizing I was on the wrong side of the facts, but being unable to admit it.

Being wrong is the very essence of exploration and invention. You can’t explore without admitting that there is something you don’t know. Ah, I suppose that is different than admitting you are wrong, but I’ll justify my statement by saying that true exploration will not only increase your knowledge, it will also, if you allow it, challenge you to reconsider what you already know, in light of new facts. I am as guilty as anyone of “cherry picking” new information and accepting only what I already agree with and discarding might call into question my, often unexamined, opinions. I don’t learn much that way. Funny how that is.

Oh, adding new facts to my database is fine, but new insights only come from reexamining what you already know. You may see a rock on the ground. You may see it every day and figure you know all about that rock, until you try and pick it up and discover that it’s actually just the tip of a large boulder, buried deep in the ground. Or, perhaps, it not a rock at all but made of plastic or plaster. You never know until you look. You never know until you question.

I am also, all too familiar with that wonderful feeling of being “in the know.” You know what I mean: I’ve got it, I know what’s going on, I have my facts straight or have the inside dope, and everybody else is, well, wrong. How do I know they’re wrong? Easy, if they don’t agree with me they’re wrong (or just don’t know any better). And it’s perfectly obvious that, if they just knew the facts, then we’d all be on the same page and all disagreements would be over. Kinda doesn’t work that way, huh? Especially when their “facts” are better than mine. I mean, facts are facts, right? Well, that’s how I learned that being right, even having all my facts correct, doesn’t necessarily mean much.

Facts may be 100% correct, but still be “wrong” because they are incomplete or misinterpreted. There is not one disagreement that I know of, on the personal, national, or world stage, that is not mainly based on one or both sides willfully ignoring or distorting facts to suit their position. Have you ever been in the position of fighting for something you really didn’t want, because admitting you didn’t want it might undermine your position? I have, and I feel really stupid afterward, when I find myself stuck with something I never wanted in the first place. I can’t help but wonder how many people die every day because someone, somewhere, just can’t back down, even a little, from some position they really don’t care about?

I’d rather be wrong. I’d rather uncover something I didn’t know and discover an new point of view. I want to experience those profound insights that come from realizing that everything I know can be reinterpreted from a fresh perspective, one that brings new zest to what would otherwise be a same-o, same-o life. Invalidate the old! Question assumptions! Uncover mistakes! Show me the man behind the curtain! Don’t agree with me or tell me how smart or wise I am. Show me I’m wrong.

A farmer, a judge, and an ominous outlook

Yesterday I had a session exchange with another practitioner. My session was interesting and unusually violent in that I fought harder than usual to keep the words from coming out. I mean physically. I worked up quite a sweat and am still a little sore from the contortions my body went through. 

There were two past lives. The first was literally a “digging potatoes” life: In the first scene, I was a severely retarded older man who gathering potatoes in a field. Nearby there was a younger woman that I though of as “Mom” though I know she wasn’t my mother. She was wearing Slavic-styled peasant dress that was mostly bright red with lots of embroidery down the front. I could not see anything about her except for the dress, her head was just a fuzzy blur. 

In the next scene I as at a rude wooden table with an empty wooden plate in front of me. I was in a hut. It seemed large to me but mostly empty. The floor was either dirt or was wooden and very dirty. There was a large fireplace to my left, at the foot of the table, with a large, round, black kettle hanging over a fire.

The next scene was the same place except now there was food on my plate. The food was some kind of dark stew with a large chunk of meat in it. I don’t think the meat was very good. It had lots of gristle and tendons and a bone in it. I was significantly older now. The woman in the red dress was also there.

In the last scene I was lying on my back, on a bed, I think, with the front of the red dress very close to my face. The woman in the red dress was bending over me, doing something. Perhaps tucking me in. I was much older still. Then I quietly died and everything faded to dark gray. The purpose of that life was to understand being simple, where your world is tiny, and there is nothing other than the here and now. There are no possessions, no power, no society, no past, no future, just the present. 

As everything was fading out, a golden figure appeared in the bottom right corner of the picture. It looked like a greek statue, covered in gold, or bathed in golden light. The figure was reclining, facing left, like the pictures you see on ancient greek pottery of people reclining and eating. The figure seemed to be disdaining and dismissive of the old man that was dying. 

Moving ahead, I skipped into another life. This time I was the middle-aged man I had seen before as a golden statue. Except that I wasn’t gold, just and ordinary man. The setting looked very much like ancient Greece or Rome. The man was wearing some kind of toga or robes from that period and was seated on a backless stool on a raised, white dais. There was greek-looking “stuff” around and behind him: pillars, vases, hangings, lamp stands, “stuff.” 

He was sitting in judgment of a group of people below him. People who he cared so little about that he didn’t even see them as people. They were just dark shadowy blobs surrounded by the white “robey” blobs that were citizens or guards. The man quickly judged against the people, and sent them off to die for no particular reason other than to get rid of them. He only wanted power and position, and thought all people were a bother, stupid and disgusting. No one was worth his time. He treated everyone awfully.

In the last scene of this life, the man is sitting on the same stool, in the same place, all alone. He is considerably older. There is no one there. No one comes to see him anymore and he just sits there, lonely, and remembering the glory days when people were constantly currying his favor. Now nobody cared and he was completely alone. Next, he attempts to stand up, but he stumbles, perhaps stiff with age, and falls forward, face down, on the hard stone floor, and lies there, bleeding, until he dies. At that point I see him from above, looking down on him as he lies on the floor. Next I zoom away until he disappears and everything is dark gray again. 

This life was all about arrogance and selfishness. Interestingly, this man was almost as myopic as the “simple” peasant, just in a different way and for different reasons. He saw nothing but what he wanted and saw people as means to and end and only when it suited him. I mean they literally didn’t exist in his world unless the annoyed him or he had a use for them. He was lonely, prideful, arrogant, greedy and totally disdainful of everyone he considered “less” than he felt he deserved, which was pretty much everybody. He ended up completely alone, somewhat confused, and at a loss to understand why. The purpose of this life was to experience this extreme selfishness and see what it was like to have absolutely no empathy whatsoever. 

Speaking was difficult when I as experiencing these lives. The words came slowly and my face screwed up and I often stuttered severely. It took to get each word or phrase out. But when we moved to the subconscious, it got markedly worse, with my body twisting and contorting with the effort of not allowing the words out. The reason for that became clear a little later, because one of my questions was about all this physicality and why it happens.

Calling in the subconscious displayed in a total of three different voices and speech patterns. The facilitator kept pressing for them to identify themselves, but mostly got only vague answers. At one point, the answer to the repeated question, Who Are You, was a strange sound that I can’t possibly spell. It was repeated three times, each time the question was asked, so I think was actually a name. Another voice referred to itself as “we” and said that “they” were “friends” of mine.

The “we” entities said that they had an agreement to prevent me from remembering certain things that I was not ready to understand. These are memories of something I had done that I considered so horrible that I couldn’t handle it. I still don’t know what those memories might be, but the beliefs, “I deserve to be punished” and “I’ll a miserable, horrible, selfish person” and some other, related, stuff, are in there and are very strong. I think that the very fact that I’ve learned this much about, whatever it is, means that it’s about time for the contract to end. So I expect that I will be discovering more about this as things unfold over the next few weeks.

More conversations

More in a series of conversations with myself. Sounds a bit strange, but it is what it is:

What do you want to talk about today? What is that thing that I can kind of see, but can’t understand?

There is nothing to know, you will see it in time. There is nothing to know that you can’t know. What is here is here. Don’t let the change bother you. You don’t want to put too much importance on the future. What will happen today is what it important. There is more to come. You don’t need to solve everything today. There is plenty coming that you can work with when it arrives. Don’t let the past bother you. You will see what you need to see. Time is coming too fast, deal as best you can. Things will work out as they are supposed to.

Time is coming to make the difference. Now be ready to step out when the time comes. It’s not as hard as you think. Guidance will be there. Pay attention and keep listening. There is more to come. Do this every day and see what comes out. Do not give up, there is much more to hear from. Pay attention. You are not listening. There is too much to worry about, let it go. You will get it right, just relax and let it out.

You put way too much on getting it right the first time. You will have plenty of chances to get to the goal, be open to what presents itself. Feel free of the pressure to always be right and correct. See all you can to be free of overhead. The time will come when all will be clear. If you are still alive. Be free to find your way to the house, the doors are there to be found. Don’t let all the ancestry be drained from the life force. Open is open, stop on a corner and open the door to facing splice. Healing center is where you expect it to be. It can be found on the outcome of desire. Only freedom can be found on the streets of Canverness. We will see what come from the opening of the freedom trail and lackluster dimensions. Freedom is outside the dimension of helplessness. Grab a hat and reach for a placard of open ended answers. There isn’t anything which you can’t find when you open to accept what’s in front of you. They don’t need to be wrong for you to be right. They don’t need to ignorant for you to know.

Can you accept what’s being offered? There is much to find if you can open and see. There is a built in limitation that cannot be overcome. It must be circumvented. You need to sneak around it. To do so requires bending your mind in new ways to see around the corners of reality. You desperately want something, but you can’t quite imagine what it is. Your thoughts are close but they miss the point. The sense of connection is more that can be pictured in 3d. There is something that will open the door for you if you can grasp it. Laws can be circumvented. Physical laws are not what they seem. They can be sidestepped, if necessary. They are an agreement that can be broken. They are an arrangement that can be sidestepped and gotten around anytime you want. Once you see it, time is the simplest thing. Nature is an affront to what is. There is no need to be lashed to the wheel of progress and tortured by physical needs. Natural laws can be broken or ignored or bypassed in just the same way as you cheat in a board game, with similar consequences. Or none.

You never know what people think of you. That’s why worrying about it is such a waste of time and energy. You can’t know. There is what is, what you know and how you are. You don’t even know what your are or how your are. You are always changing without really paying attention. some days you’re one way other days you are another. You switch allegiance and affections at drop of a hat. You don’t know what you want, but you cloke that confusion with certiantude. Contradiction is your daily recipe. You want a number of things that make no sense in the accepted view of things. In your accepted view of things. Change your view and that would change. There is nothing to lose and nothing to gain by being strictly “by the rules.” Rules are what have gotten us into this mess. Da Rules have no meaning outside of your own head. Discard them and see what is now possible. The ethics of life are what matter. Love. If you knew what that meant. You don’t really. You have your fantasies, based on movies and books, but you have no real idea. Never having been there. Would you know it if you saw it? Find out how to look beyond your veil to see what’s behind the curtain.

You put way too much importance on your actions. It’s you intent that matters. Understand your intent. Become clear and focused on what you intend, and what you do will naturally fall in line. There is no need to script your actions, they will follow naturally from your intent and your focus. What you need will come as a consequence of your actions. There is no point to trying to force things. Become clear. Understand where you are going, what you intend to happen, where you intend to be. You can’t make this up. Be what you need to be. Understand what you need to be. Get clarity on what you need to be. Focus on what you need to be. Target on what you need to be. Being creates words. Being creates actions. The correct actions may not seems so that the time. You don’t know the effect you actions have. Dig up what insists on making you wrong for your actions. Actions from the correct intent can’t be wrong, no matter how they are received. Over time things will make sense, don’t give up while the game is still in action. The play doesn’t end until the final curtain comes down. Don’t let pilot twists ruin your day. The right intent will shine through, give it time to resolve.

A new door

Here we go again. I'm a bit unsure if I want to share this. It's a bit personal and I'm not sure if this is the person I want the world to see. It's one thing to read about other people's experiences with channeling and messages from...elsewhere, but it's quite a different kettle of fish when it happens to me. What follows is what spill out. I corrected spelling and other erros, and formatted the result (As a result of this, I'm beginning to see that there's something that I had no idea existed before. I don't know what it is, but it's like walking into your house and discovering a door in the wall that you never noticed before.):

I’d like to know about my left leg and foot. What is going on there? Why does it feel curled up and distorted?

You can see what is going on. It's not what you think it is. You never know that to think. You can’t find the answers on your own. You have to work with other people. You need to ask. Ask the people at church, talk to them, meet with them. They can help you find your path, even though it isn’t theirs. There is no way to do this on your own. 

You don’t want to hear that. You want to be the lone genius, who puts out all the special knowledge. You must absorb to return. You must read to know what to write. You must be with people to understand what needs to be said, and to whom. Moving forward means becoming one with those around your. Even those you don’t like. Even those you don’t agree with. Even those that rub you the wrong way. Even those who think you’re nuts. Even those you hate. You still hate some, don’t you? 

I can’t see that. 

You will. 

I can’t find the right way to do this. 

You will. 

I don’t know what to do next.

You will see, you find out as you go. I will help you. 

How do i start? 

Go to the place you think most important. 

Where is that? I don’t know. 

You must see. Take a chance and see what happens. 

What kind of chance? Go up on the mountain? 

Yes. You don’t want to go.  Right. You think it means something that you can’t accept. 

I know it means something, I just don’t know what. What does it mean? 

You think that it means walking into a trap. They all hate you and you must always be on your guard. Not necessarily. They can’t hurt you. You are always safe. You relish the uncertainty. You want mystery. You don’t want answers because that would spoil the mystery. Your think that will leave you with nothing to hope for. There is always more, there is no end in sight. Don’t take a chance on missing the way out of hiding. You have to ask to visit. It’s not that hard, and will be glad you did, no matter what the outcome. 

I will feel dumb, stupid. 

Why? Must everything in life be certain? Can’t you take a chance on anything? Must everything be spelled out in advance? You have to take a chance, if you expect others to also. At some point you have to take that leap or step of faith. Without it you are forever trapped within the walls of what you know and understand. You can’t grow unless you allow yourself space to grow. Within the bounds you have set for yourself, there is only what you already know, what you already have. It is only outside the bounds that you find the unknown and the exciting. Your outcome will will necessarily be beyond what you can imagine, and can only be found outside of what you know. Don’t limit yourself to the familiar, the known, the expected, what everybody else knows. To be extraordinary, you must do extraordinary things, and extraordinary things are risky. Try and fail, step and stumble, leap and fall on your face. There is no trial without error and the is no learning without mistakes. reach out, take your lumps and keep on trying, this is the process of being alive. You know how mind numbing and stultifying is it to play safe. Risk is exciting. Chance is exciting. Safe is boring. You know this, yet you still hesitate. You don’t want to die. You don’t even know why you are afraid of. Somehow, they are going to make you feel bad. Like that’s the end of the world and no one will ever like you again, is that it?  

You always try to eliminate the fear. Without fear, there is no risk, no danger. 

Is it necessary to understand the fear? 

Not necessarily. In some ways it can be useful to know what your are facing, so you can face it head on. That’s the best way to deal with it. Facing it head-on allows you to see it for what it is, and that’ the best way for it to be gone.  But for every fear you vanquish, there will be another one behind it. It will be a step up, true, but they will always be there, so get used to it. Keep fighting. Keep understanding. 

Fear, and fear of fear, can block you from seeing what’s really going on. You get so focused on the fear that you can’t see the trees for the forest, so to speak. Take the chance, reach out, ask, try, and reach the life at the end of the tunnel. 

You don’t believe, you don’t trust, you don’t accept what I’m telling you. You don’t want to see what’s in front of you. You love to put others down for ignoring the obvious but you are comfortable doing the same thing. You don’t want to be seen as embodying all that “stuff” what people make fun of. Ask and you shall receive, but you have to ask People. There is where the challenge is. They will think what they think, and they know what they already know about you. Perhaps they are just waiting for you to open the subject first. You can’t receive unless you are open and being open is being vulnerable.  You will take some licks, but don’t let that be your excuse for closing down. It’s not your fault that they attack you. It’s not your problem that others can’t see what you are offering. And you are not wrong because they attack you. You already know, that when dealing with pain and fear, the best way out is through. You will gain acceptance from those that matter to you and will help you in your growth. Once you carve you way through the wall of fear of fear, and fear of pain. Disapproval can hurt. Rejection can hurt. Rejection simply means that you’re looking for approval in the wrong places. 

It may be time to start looking at those groups that you are too uppity to consider now. they are too wacko for you to want to be associated with, with philosophies that you can’t accept. Wake up brother, you are already pretty far out on the limb. The stuff you’re doing and what you are doing right now. This. Who are you to say these people don’t know something you don’t? Why should anyone accept this if you can’t accept them? Or are you too full of BS to face it? Looks like that’s enough for now, you are coming apart.

A field around the body?

Had a strange meditation today. The whole time I had the feeling that things were happening that I wasn't able to catch, things were whooshing by and I would just catch a glimpse of them as they passed.

The first thing I noticed is that my "field," (I don't know what else to call it. Some people would call it an aura, but to me an aura is insubstantial, while the field is a significant energy field that surrounds the body) didn't cover my feet. It only reached to about the middle of my shins. I tried to stretch it to cover my toes, but that didn't work. I don't know what that's all about, perhaps I'll figure it out later. 

In a way, it's a bit odd that I would talk about a field around my body, because that wouldn't have occurred to me just two months ago. It's just that lately I've playing with ideas like out-of-body-experiences, seeing auras and picturing a field of some sort around my body. I don't know where I came up with the field, it was just something I thought to try. And when I did, the halo around my body made if feel very warm and comfortable. So it feels natural for me that if my feet are outside of the field, they would be cold. They have been unusually sensitive to cold for the past month or so. We took a trip last week and I couldn't believe how cold my feet were, no matter how warm the rest of the car was. 

Next, I kept seeing heads and faces. They were all different ages and different people, but they were all with pale skin and straight white-blond hair. One, young, one was me and the others seemed to be talking to me, or holding other conversations, but I can't make out what they are saying. I only have the idea that they just said something, but I wasn't paying attention. The heads and faces would just show up, say something, then zoom away. I have no idea what that was about.

And then, for about the last 20 minutes of the meditation, I got an uncomfortable feeling in my upper right arm, almost like a massage. Pressure in ripples, almost strong enough to be painful, that constantly moved throughout the muscles. This lasted for some time, then the feelings migrated down to my lower arm and stayed there until I was finished for the day. 

When I was finished, I noticed that I much more time had passed than I thought.

If anyone has any comments on this, I sure would like to hear them. 

Channeled Instructions?

I had a...different...experience the other night. I couldn't sleep and was having a miserable night. We were in a hotel, the couple next door was making a lot of noise. Everything was annoying. After midnight I gave up and went into the bathroom, so I wouldn't wake my wife, and started typing. These days, it seems that I'm supposed to write when I'm up in the middle of the night. That I'm awake for a reason, so I should use it. Even though I really don't want to. I'm tired.

This time I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say, but I had to go through the motions anyway or I wouldn't be allowed to go to sleep. Quickly, it seemed that I was having a conversation with...someone. I don't know who or what. The way it worked, I would think of stuff or questions and words and short sentences appeared in my head. I typed with my eyes closed pretty much the whole time. I only looked when I felt I'd lost track of what I was typing, so I could correct.

Sure, I could have been making it all up, why not? I'm still not sure. There is the information and instructions, which may or may not make any sense, and there are some odd procedural things that argue for another source, outside of my own head. One thing was the way the words came to me. Most of the time they were short sentences that I got all at once, but every now and then a phrase would appear that made no sense. At first I hesitated to write the words down, because I wanted it to make sense first, but I had to start typing it before the next part would appear and then the sentence would make sense. I normally never write stuff down until I have the whole sentence in my head, but in this case I had no choice.

The other odd thing was the time the, whatever it was, got stuck and couldn't find the right word. In the middle of a phrase, the dictation stopped and I sensed a groping for a concept I couldn't understand. After trying and discarding several words, it finally settled on one, but I could sense that it didn't like it, but it was the best it could find.

I'm not going to quote the session here, it's long, rambling, and has personal stuff I'd rather not share. But there is some parts of it that people out there might want to know.

What seemed the main point of the communication was that I was to work with a friend of mine to create a "vortex." The entity didn't like the term "Vortex," but it was the best it could come up with. Now, this friend is not someone I know very well and, as far as I know, is not spiritual at all. I don't relish the thought of having a conversation about past lives and the like with this person that includes: "Oh, by the way, I have been told by an unnamed entity that we are supposed to get together and create something I can't really describe. No, I have no idea how we are to do it." You all know what it's like to approach your friend and family with past lives and the other stuff we deal with on a daily basis, this has got to be a whole lot worse, for they don't really know me! I know what I would think if someone said that to me, say, five years ago. If that wasn't enough, my instincts tell me that there is right way to do this, and a whole bunch of wrong ways to do it, and, so far, every way that pops into my head is clearly not something I want to try.

Now, about this "vortex" thing.  I have a picture in my head that sort of describes what it might look like, if you could perceive things from outside of this level of existence, but I can't really describe it. It kind of looks like flowing bullseye glass. Bullseye glass is what they used in windows in medieval times before they learned to make plate glass. It had a large bump in the center with concentric circular ripples going to the outside. The vortex is like looking through this bullseye glass with the ripples in constant slow motion. You can't see the vortex itself, just the way it distorts what you see through it.

Another way of looking at it is to imagine large square of paper, half black and half white. In the center of the paper, straddling the line between black and white, is a large circle where the two colors are mixing. The colors don't mix to form gray, but stay discrete lines, streaks and blobs of either black or white, and they are in constant motion, slowly swirling. In this case, the black is fourth dimensional reality and the white is third dimensional reality.

The purpose of this "vortex" is to provide a bridge from one level to the next. A sort of ladder to allow you to gradually cross from on level to another, without having to make the jump all at once. I imagine slipping in on the white side and riding the swirls up to the black side where you could ease itself onto the black portion and into the higher level of existence.

So there you have it, what I got. What do you think, any thoughts about whether this makes any kind of sense at all?

What have you forgotten?

 The 12 Biggest Life Secrets Forgotten by Mankind, this post prompted me to consider what we left behind when we grew up, put away our toys and became realistic adults. It's so much easier to ignore what we know when everyone else seems to be doing the same. I'm not sure if I agree with this list, but the idea got me thinking.

What's really in my face now is that we're forgotten that the world is not a either/or place. The universe is not a zero-sum game where every gain in one area must be balanced by a loss somewhere else. This play out in all the big areas a conflict in the world, in politics and business and personal relationships. At the heart of every conflict, there is some person or group that insists that there is only one acceptable outcome, and any other solution is a total loss, for them.

The job of business and advertising is to "create" demand. The businesses of the world spend untold billions every year to create a demand for their products. But they only care about demand that they can fulfill, everything else is drowned out by the incessant hype of advertising. Things that we need, that may even be essential to life, are pushed aside and ignored. especially if they might conflict with the illusion of endless growth without consequences. This is all from the belief that if you win, I lose.

Single use plastic bags are a good example. Nobody needs these bags, they are not essential to anyones life. Not only can we all survive just fine without them, but they cause an amazing amount of environmental damage, clogging water ways and sewers, choking wildlife and they just look awful. But it's a fight to get rid of them. People want to protect their businesses. But the only reason those business exist in the first place is because everyone "forgot" that a single-use bag doesn't just go "poof" and disappear after it's used. We also "forgot" about the other business that were displaced by these bags. The plastic bag people never seemed to worry about all the people their product put out of work, or would be put back to work if their product went away. We're supposed to forget about that. 

In a way, you could say that the plastic bag makers want welfare. They made a poor choice when they got into the business without considering the obvious, long-term, effects of their product, and now they want everyone else to pay the price of cleaning up the mess so they can stay in business. You know that they would scream bloody murder if they were handed a bill every month for the cost of picking up and recycling all those bags. They want everyone to "forget" about all the mess and damage they their product and only think about their bottom line. The fact that this is even an argument is a testament to how easily we can be persuaded to forget what someone with money wants us to forget.