Yesterday I had a session exchange with another practitioner. My session was interesting and unusually violent in that I fought harder than usual to keep the words from coming out. I mean physically. I worked up quite a sweat and am still a little sore from the contortions my body went through.
There were two past lives. The first was literally a “digging potatoes” life: In the first scene, I was a severely retarded older man who gathering potatoes in a field. Nearby there was a younger woman that I though of as “Mom” though I know she wasn’t my mother. She was wearing Slavic-styled peasant dress that was mostly bright red with lots of embroidery down the front. I could not see anything about her except for the dress, her head was just a fuzzy blur.
In the next scene I as at a rude wooden table with an empty wooden plate in front of me. I was in a hut. It seemed large to me but mostly empty. The floor was either dirt or was wooden and very dirty. There was a large fireplace to my left, at the foot of the table, with a large, round, black kettle hanging over a fire.
The next scene was the same place except now there was food on my plate. The food was some kind of dark stew with a large chunk of meat in it. I don’t think the meat was very good. It had lots of gristle and tendons and a bone in it. I was significantly older now. The woman in the red dress was also there.
In the last scene I was lying on my back, on a bed, I think, with the front of the red dress very close to my face. The woman in the red dress was bending over me, doing something. Perhaps tucking me in. I was much older still. Then I quietly died and everything faded to dark gray. The purpose of that life was to understand being simple, where your world is tiny, and there is nothing other than the here and now. There are no possessions, no power, no society, no past, no future, just the present.
As everything was fading out, a golden figure appeared in the bottom right corner of the picture. It looked like a greek statue, covered in gold, or bathed in golden light. The figure was reclining, facing left, like the pictures you see on ancient greek pottery of people reclining and eating. The figure seemed to be disdaining and dismissive of the old man that was dying.
Moving ahead, I skipped into another life. This time I was the middle-aged man I had seen before as a golden statue. Except that I wasn’t gold, just and ordinary man. The setting looked very much like ancient Greece or Rome. The man was wearing some kind of toga or robes from that period and was seated on a backless stool on a raised, white dais. There was greek-looking “stuff” around and behind him: pillars, vases, hangings, lamp stands, “stuff.”
He was sitting in judgment of a group of people below him. People who he cared so little about that he didn’t even see them as people. They were just dark shadowy blobs surrounded by the white “robey” blobs that were citizens or guards. The man quickly judged against the people, and sent them off to die for no particular reason other than to get rid of them. He only wanted power and position, and thought all people were a bother, stupid and disgusting. No one was worth his time. He treated everyone awfully.
In the last scene of this life, the man is sitting on the same stool, in the same place, all alone. He is considerably older. There is no one there. No one comes to see him anymore and he just sits there, lonely, and remembering the glory days when people were constantly currying his favor. Now nobody cared and he was completely alone. Next, he attempts to stand up, but he stumbles, perhaps stiff with age, and falls forward, face down, on the hard stone floor, and lies there, bleeding, until he dies. At that point I see him from above, looking down on him as he lies on the floor. Next I zoom away until he disappears and everything is dark gray again.
This life was all about arrogance and selfishness. Interestingly, this man was almost as myopic as the “simple” peasant, just in a different way and for different reasons. He saw nothing but what he wanted and saw people as means to and end and only when it suited him. I mean they literally didn’t exist in his world unless the annoyed him or he had a use for them. He was lonely, prideful, arrogant, greedy and totally disdainful of everyone he considered “less” than he felt he deserved, which was pretty much everybody. He ended up completely alone, somewhat confused, and at a loss to understand why. The purpose of this life was to experience this extreme selfishness and see what it was like to have absolutely no empathy whatsoever.
Speaking was difficult when I as experiencing these lives. The words came slowly and my face screwed up and I often stuttered severely. It took to get each word or phrase out. But when we moved to the subconscious, it got markedly worse, with my body twisting and contorting with the effort of not allowing the words out. The reason for that became clear a little later, because one of my questions was about all this physicality and why it happens.
Calling in the subconscious displayed in a total of three different voices and speech patterns. The facilitator kept pressing for them to identify themselves, but mostly got only vague answers. At one point, the answer to the repeated question, Who Are You, was a strange sound that I can’t possibly spell. It was repeated three times, each time the question was asked, so I think was actually a name. Another voice referred to itself as “we” and said that “they” were “friends” of mine.
The “we” entities said that they had an agreement to prevent me from remembering certain things that I was not ready to understand. These are memories of something I had done that I considered so horrible that I couldn’t handle it. I still don’t know what those memories might be, but the beliefs, “I deserve to be punished” and “I’ll a miserable, horrible, selfish person” and some other, related, stuff, are in there and are very strong. I think that the very fact that I’ve learned this much about, whatever it is, means that it’s about time for the contract to end. So I expect that I will be discovering more about this as things unfold over the next few weeks.
No comments:
Post a Comment