Deceiving Aspect

In class today, we continued work with sub-personalities, a term for all those different aspects of yourself. The one I choose to work on turned out to be a doozy and it gave my colleague a real workout.

The sub-personality that I choose is one I called, “lazy.” It’s the part of me that feels fat and lazy, and just wants to sit around all the time and eat junk food until he feels fat and bloated like a lazy slug. I had no idea what I was in for. In the demo, the client’s sub-personality appeared as a cat, and they had a nice conversation and were able to work things out and work together. All very polite. Not so for me.

My sub-personality, or aspect, appeared as an ugly cross between and fat cat and an pot-bellied ant, with black with spiky hair, and was the size of a small dog. It wanted to be accepted, but I didn’t want anything to do with it. I still don’t. All the techniques they taught us for dialogue and reconciliation went nowhere as I absolutely refused to accept it. What was the deal? I really don’t know, but just wanted it gone.

Now, I’m beginning to suspect that it wasn’t what it presented itself to be. It talked about how it worked to protect me by keeping me withdrawn, holed up at home and out of trouble. But I wasn’t buying it. Those of you out there that do energy work may be suspecting that it was some kind of external energy, but I checked for that and I’m sure that wasn’t the case.

Then my colleague did something that, we were told later, should not have been done in a case like this: Having me and my aspect walk to a mountaintop and meet with our higher self. I went along with it, though it felt completely wrong. When we got to the mountain top, it felt completely *wrong! But, after a bit, something interesting started to happen. At first the image started to flip back and forth between us two aspects hating each other and refusing any contact, and us willing to hold hands and put up with each other, to a very limited extent. Then the transformation happened: The Lazy aspect began to dissolve/implode/morph and eventually settled into a constantly-imploding cloud, with bits of the ant-like aspect being massaged and cycled, constantly, through a floating cloud about three feet in diameter. At that time, almost all the heaviness and darkness from the aspect vanished into lightness. Now I could accept it. At this point, we ran out of time, but, although I wasn’t totally complete, it was a good place to stop.

Looking back, it appears that the thing, that appeared as a sub-personality, was more likely some part of myself from the past that had never integrated properly. When I say past, I mean distant past, very distant past. And it also seems to contains a lot of anger that it was able to hide from me before. Almost like it had been deceiving me forever and had been managing to piggyback on me, throughout my lifetimes, pretending to be something unpleasant, but relatively harmless and insignificant, when it really was anything but.

I expect to discover more about this over the next few days. I’ll probably have interesting dreams tonight, at the very least.