Sometimes it takes me awhile to really understand what I’m been hearing. For years I have been processing out beliefs by following phrases, or feelings and memories that leads to phrases, that I can then use to release the emotions associated with them. I have been doing that for so long that I seem to have virtually every last one. That’s what it feels like sometimes. The other day it finally hit me that the energy that can set up residence in my body doesn’t necessarily have any words attached to it!
This came up around discomfort in my neck. What I always thought was funny about it was that it only bothered me when I was meditating. For may years, it was there all the time, worse when I was under stress, but for the past several years it had almost completely disappeared. Yes, I had used all the tools I had on it, but nothing would make it stay away. It was a slippery beast until the lightbulb went on and I tried processing it as pure feeling. Then I made real progress.
When you get into habits, it hard to break them, and this was no different. I was difficult to process, I kept, instinctively “reaching” for some words to invoke the feeling, rather than just letting the feeling invoke itself. That sounds odd. It was like diving into a pool of pure experience where I had to resist the impulse to let the voice in my head talk about and describe what was happening. That pulled me out of the experience.
I’m just realizing now that I probably couldn’t have done this process before. It’s taken me this long to be able to quiet my mind, to a sufficient degree for this idea to work. You get what you get when you’re ready to get it, not before.
My life has been tough lately, and sleep doesn’t always come easy. I’ve been using specific meditation techniques to turn off the jabbering in my head and allow me to sleep. It helps a lot, but there is still something going on inside my head that I don’t understand, so I have to use it over and over each night. I have realized that when I thought that I wasn’t sleeping, I was actually falling asleep and waking up, over and over each night, and, each time I had to go through the whole process all over again. When I didn’t realize that, it seemed like the whole exercise was pointless. The question now is, why do I keep waking up anxious, over and over again? Is there something going on in my dreams that brings it all back up? I was thinking about this last night and early this morning, and I noticed that something did seem to be going on, on a deeper level that I could only just get a peek at.
All in all these are more questions for another time. Every time I figure something out, it leads to more questions and more things to deal with. It seems endless, but when I find myself talking to someone and realize where they are and notice how far I’ve come, it makes it somewhat better.
Showing posts with label energy healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label energy healing. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Monday, March 16, 2015
Deceiving Aspect
In class today, we continued work with sub-personalities, a term for all those different aspects of yourself. The one I choose to work on turned out to be a doozy and it gave my colleague a real workout.
The sub-personality that I choose is one I called, “lazy.” It’s the part of me that feels fat and lazy, and just wants to sit around all the time and eat junk food until he feels fat and bloated like a lazy slug. I had no idea what I was in for. In the demo, the client’s sub-personality appeared as a cat, and they had a nice conversation and were able to work things out and work together. All very polite. Not so for me.
My sub-personality, or aspect, appeared as an ugly cross between and fat cat and an pot-bellied ant, with black with spiky hair, and was the size of a small dog. It wanted to be accepted, but I didn’t want anything to do with it. I still don’t. All the techniques they taught us for dialogue and reconciliation went nowhere as I absolutely refused to accept it. What was the deal? I really don’t know, but just wanted it gone.
Now, I’m beginning to suspect that it wasn’t what it presented itself to be. It talked about how it worked to protect me by keeping me withdrawn, holed up at home and out of trouble. But I wasn’t buying it. Those of you out there that do energy work may be suspecting that it was some kind of external energy, but I checked for that and I’m sure that wasn’t the case.
Then my colleague did something that, we were told later, should not have been done in a case like this: Having me and my aspect walk to a mountaintop and meet with our higher self. I went along with it, though it felt completely wrong. When we got to the mountain top, it felt completely *wrong! But, after a bit, something interesting started to happen. At first the image started to flip back and forth between us two aspects hating each other and refusing any contact, and us willing to hold hands and put up with each other, to a very limited extent. Then the transformation happened: The Lazy aspect began to dissolve/implode/morph and eventually settled into a constantly-imploding cloud, with bits of the ant-like aspect being massaged and cycled, constantly, through a floating cloud about three feet in diameter. At that time, almost all the heaviness and darkness from the aspect vanished into lightness. Now I could accept it. At this point, we ran out of time, but, although I wasn’t totally complete, it was a good place to stop.
Looking back, it appears that the thing, that appeared as a sub-personality, was more likely some part of myself from the past that had never integrated properly. When I say past, I mean distant past, very distant past. And it also seems to contains a lot of anger that it was able to hide from me before. Almost like it had been deceiving me forever and had been managing to piggyback on me, throughout my lifetimes, pretending to be something unpleasant, but relatively harmless and insignificant, when it really was anything but.
I expect to discover more about this over the next few days. I’ll probably have interesting dreams tonight, at the very least.
The sub-personality that I choose is one I called, “lazy.” It’s the part of me that feels fat and lazy, and just wants to sit around all the time and eat junk food until he feels fat and bloated like a lazy slug. I had no idea what I was in for. In the demo, the client’s sub-personality appeared as a cat, and they had a nice conversation and were able to work things out and work together. All very polite. Not so for me.
My sub-personality, or aspect, appeared as an ugly cross between and fat cat and an pot-bellied ant, with black with spiky hair, and was the size of a small dog. It wanted to be accepted, but I didn’t want anything to do with it. I still don’t. All the techniques they taught us for dialogue and reconciliation went nowhere as I absolutely refused to accept it. What was the deal? I really don’t know, but just wanted it gone.
Now, I’m beginning to suspect that it wasn’t what it presented itself to be. It talked about how it worked to protect me by keeping me withdrawn, holed up at home and out of trouble. But I wasn’t buying it. Those of you out there that do energy work may be suspecting that it was some kind of external energy, but I checked for that and I’m sure that wasn’t the case.
Then my colleague did something that, we were told later, should not have been done in a case like this: Having me and my aspect walk to a mountaintop and meet with our higher self. I went along with it, though it felt completely wrong. When we got to the mountain top, it felt completely *wrong! But, after a bit, something interesting started to happen. At first the image started to flip back and forth between us two aspects hating each other and refusing any contact, and us willing to hold hands and put up with each other, to a very limited extent. Then the transformation happened: The Lazy aspect began to dissolve/implode/morph and eventually settled into a constantly-imploding cloud, with bits of the ant-like aspect being massaged and cycled, constantly, through a floating cloud about three feet in diameter. At that time, almost all the heaviness and darkness from the aspect vanished into lightness. Now I could accept it. At this point, we ran out of time, but, although I wasn’t totally complete, it was a good place to stop.
Looking back, it appears that the thing, that appeared as a sub-personality, was more likely some part of myself from the past that had never integrated properly. When I say past, I mean distant past, very distant past. And it also seems to contains a lot of anger that it was able to hide from me before. Almost like it had been deceiving me forever and had been managing to piggyback on me, throughout my lifetimes, pretending to be something unpleasant, but relatively harmless and insignificant, when it really was anything but.
I expect to discover more about this over the next few days. I’ll probably have interesting dreams tonight, at the very least.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Heart Healing Workshop with Paul Barbaro
Yesterday I went to an event called ‘Heart Healing Workshop with Paul Barbaro,’ at the Center for Creative Living in San Jose. Paul Barbaro is an enthusiastic man with a passion for healing and making a difference in the world. He has created his own energy healing modality and wants to spread it far and wide via his books and web site Healing Angle Guides His latest book “Heart to Heart Healing: When You Care Enough to Make a Difference in the Health of a Loved One” is available on Amazon. His technique seems to be aimed primarily at chronic pain management and relief. I make no claims to full understand his process, I am simply giving my impressions from attending the workshop.
I showed up at 1 pm for the workshop and discovered that it had actually started at 10 am, 1 pm was the hands-on demonstration. That wasn’t made clear from the MeetUp notice, so I had to make do without his introduction and explanations. His technique appears to descend from the long line of energy healing modalities where pain and other problems are caused by a disruption of energy flow though the body, and, especially in the case of chronic pain, these disruption can have taken place far in the past. Therefore, truly healing the pain requires finding and dealing with these originating events. He didn’t say how that was done during the time when I was there, or maybe it just wasn’t clear to me. (I looked on his web site and it doesn’t explain it there, either. Presumably, you need to buy his books or take the full training course.) In my view, his technique owes a lot to modalities like Reiki, ThetaHealing, and Reference Point Therapy. In conversation, he made no bones about having scoured the web and incorporating and any information he found that seemed appropriate. His goal, he says, is to make healing as simple and straight forward as possible.
About 10-15 people were there when I arrived. Paul started with a “Healing Circle” and then moved on to letting individuals work in pairs or threesomes (two healers on one client). I didn’t come with any particular issues to work on, so I was just open to whatever might happen.
In the Healing Circle we all formed a circle, facing counterclockwise, and placed both our hands on the person in front of us while Paul read, and we repeated, a series of affirmations. Later, we broke into the duos and trios and did a similar “laying on of hands.” In the individual groups, there weren’t any affirmations. At least not out loud. Perhaps I was supposed to be thinking affirmations, but I didn’t. Nobody said anything about it, and the idea didn’t occur to me at the time. I have been trained in a number of energy healing techniques, and so I tend to fall back into the familiar and think about energy flowing to or through the other person while doing this kind of thing. I’m not sure if that’s what he intended, but that’s where I went. In the individual sessions, we traded places periodically. I didn’t notice how long we went, but the whole workshop took about two hours.
Paul’s instructions at this point were brief, he seemed to be saying that you just place your hands in the proper places and let what happens, happen. Perhaps there is more to it than that, and if I had been there earlier I would know that. To me, this, approach resembles Dr. Eric Pearl’s “Reconnective Healing,” where you are encouraged to let go of being goal- and process-oriented, and let the “energy” work through you and guide you as it will. We were told to expect to feel heat in our hands, as the process took hold, I didn’t, but several of the practitioners did. I usually feel heat in my hands when doing this kind of work, but not this time. I did find that my upper body was uncomfortably warm by the time we were done.
I didn’t feel noticeably different afterwards, and nobody in my hearing said anything either. I didn’t make a point of asking, or doing any kind of survey, so I have no real idea what other people got out of it. Paul sold out all the copies of his book that he brought, so, clearly, many people were inspired by what they experienced. This is not too surprising for I tend to be low key about these things.
In conversation afterwards, Paul expressed a commitment to spread healing to as many people as possible. I admire that. He acknowledged the need to raise the tone of our society, and the practical impossibility of one person, no matter how fast he worked, to personally treat a significant portion of the population. He wants people to spread his Heart Healing to as far as possible, to as many people as possible. Group settings are best, he says, and he encourages everyone to freely share his technique. This is in sharp contrast to many other methods who restrict practitioners and teachers to those specifically trained by the organization. (It is my personal feeling that this organizational model is breaking down, as it’s becoming more and more obvious that these techniques are more of a state of mind, an intention, an allowing, than a specific, learned skill.)
I showed up at 1 pm for the workshop and discovered that it had actually started at 10 am, 1 pm was the hands-on demonstration. That wasn’t made clear from the MeetUp notice, so I had to make do without his introduction and explanations. His technique appears to descend from the long line of energy healing modalities where pain and other problems are caused by a disruption of energy flow though the body, and, especially in the case of chronic pain, these disruption can have taken place far in the past. Therefore, truly healing the pain requires finding and dealing with these originating events. He didn’t say how that was done during the time when I was there, or maybe it just wasn’t clear to me. (I looked on his web site and it doesn’t explain it there, either. Presumably, you need to buy his books or take the full training course.) In my view, his technique owes a lot to modalities like Reiki, ThetaHealing, and Reference Point Therapy. In conversation, he made no bones about having scoured the web and incorporating and any information he found that seemed appropriate. His goal, he says, is to make healing as simple and straight forward as possible.
About 10-15 people were there when I arrived. Paul started with a “Healing Circle” and then moved on to letting individuals work in pairs or threesomes (two healers on one client). I didn’t come with any particular issues to work on, so I was just open to whatever might happen.
In the Healing Circle we all formed a circle, facing counterclockwise, and placed both our hands on the person in front of us while Paul read, and we repeated, a series of affirmations. Later, we broke into the duos and trios and did a similar “laying on of hands.” In the individual groups, there weren’t any affirmations. At least not out loud. Perhaps I was supposed to be thinking affirmations, but I didn’t. Nobody said anything about it, and the idea didn’t occur to me at the time. I have been trained in a number of energy healing techniques, and so I tend to fall back into the familiar and think about energy flowing to or through the other person while doing this kind of thing. I’m not sure if that’s what he intended, but that’s where I went. In the individual sessions, we traded places periodically. I didn’t notice how long we went, but the whole workshop took about two hours.
Paul’s instructions at this point were brief, he seemed to be saying that you just place your hands in the proper places and let what happens, happen. Perhaps there is more to it than that, and if I had been there earlier I would know that. To me, this, approach resembles Dr. Eric Pearl’s “Reconnective Healing,” where you are encouraged to let go of being goal- and process-oriented, and let the “energy” work through you and guide you as it will. We were told to expect to feel heat in our hands, as the process took hold, I didn’t, but several of the practitioners did. I usually feel heat in my hands when doing this kind of work, but not this time. I did find that my upper body was uncomfortably warm by the time we were done.
I didn’t feel noticeably different afterwards, and nobody in my hearing said anything either. I didn’t make a point of asking, or doing any kind of survey, so I have no real idea what other people got out of it. Paul sold out all the copies of his book that he brought, so, clearly, many people were inspired by what they experienced. This is not too surprising for I tend to be low key about these things.
In conversation afterwards, Paul expressed a commitment to spread healing to as many people as possible. I admire that. He acknowledged the need to raise the tone of our society, and the practical impossibility of one person, no matter how fast he worked, to personally treat a significant portion of the population. He wants people to spread his Heart Healing to as far as possible, to as many people as possible. Group settings are best, he says, and he encourages everyone to freely share his technique. This is in sharp contrast to many other methods who restrict practitioners and teachers to those specifically trained by the organization. (It is my personal feeling that this organizational model is breaking down, as it’s becoming more and more obvious that these techniques are more of a state of mind, an intention, an allowing, than a specific, learned skill.)
I tried to contact Paul, for his input on this article, but, as of today, he has not responded.
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This is the latest installment in, what I hope to be, a series of posts about local events that deal with alternative healing. I’m in the process of visiting essentially, random events on MeetUp.com that look interesting in order to find out what’s out there, educate myself in different traditions, to meet people, and become known in my local healing community.
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This is the latest installment in, what I hope to be, a series of posts about local events that deal with alternative healing. I’m in the process of visiting essentially, random events on MeetUp.com that look interesting in order to find out what’s out there, educate myself in different traditions, to meet people, and become known in my local healing community.
Monday, February 2, 2015
Comforting a Lonely Spirit
Today I had an interesting meditation. I did it while listening to The Crossing Point of Light A Workshop with Dr Steven Greer Maybe it’s odd to do that. Perhaps I should listen to music or just silence. I find that different things trigger different experiences, like when I watched that documentary about the oldest cities in the word and it triggered memories of living in them. This, not so much. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. A lot of these UFO things focus on fear and conspiracies. This one, less so, but it was still pretty dry and not too interesting to me.
When I meditate, it seems that I go through a period of calming down, then a blank time, then a part where it seems like my body is asleep but my mind is awake. Today, nothing interesting happened until I was in the third part.
I have generally found the third part to be a bit frustrating. It seems to me that since my body is in this really relaxed state, I should be able to go on some amazing mind trips. But I can’t, as a rule. Today was no exception, though I can’t be sure why, since odd things have been happening or not happening of late.
For lack of anything better to do, I set about doing some healing of my left leg. There’s really nothing technically wrong with it, but lately it I’m getting really odd vibes about it. It feels like the foot want to curl under when I’m not looking, causing twisted ankles if I’m not careful. And, from time to time, I gett the feeling that it’s not there. Like I’d lost it at some point. This makes me a little nervous, I don’t know what this might mean. What it might cause to happen. At any rate, today I was letting the energy flow into my leg and trying to do something about, what looked to me like “stuck” energy, when I felt someone next to me.
That someone was sad and lonely and seemed to be crying. It could have been someone I know, maybe not. I had no idea what to do except give her all the comfort and love I could. It seemed like a “her.” I tried to make her feel loved. I did everything I could for a while, and then she was gone. At the point I decided it was time to wrap it up and get on with my day.
I wonder if I just make this stuff up. This entity shows up, from time to time, sometimes very affectionate, sometime aloof. This is the first time it was sad. It seems like a woman, but not always. There are periods when it disappears for a time. At those times, if I look very carefully, I can sometimes just make it out. It’s very faint. No way to know if I’m just imagining it or not. Perhaps it’s attention is somewhere else. This is the first time I’ve see it sad. And it was very sad. I could feel the despair and loneliness as strong as my own. I want to think I helped, but I expect I’ll never know. I’ll never know if it’s even attached to a living person. And so we’re back to that annoying question of, Is this real?
Well, I’ve spent most of my life saying that anything that made me uncomfortable, didn’t exist, was just my imagination. Now I’m just going to go with it. It is what it is and it means what it means, and someday I’ll find out what that is, or I won’t. Fine either way.
When I meditate, it seems that I go through a period of calming down, then a blank time, then a part where it seems like my body is asleep but my mind is awake. Today, nothing interesting happened until I was in the third part.
I have generally found the third part to be a bit frustrating. It seems to me that since my body is in this really relaxed state, I should be able to go on some amazing mind trips. But I can’t, as a rule. Today was no exception, though I can’t be sure why, since odd things have been happening or not happening of late.
For lack of anything better to do, I set about doing some healing of my left leg. There’s really nothing technically wrong with it, but lately it I’m getting really odd vibes about it. It feels like the foot want to curl under when I’m not looking, causing twisted ankles if I’m not careful. And, from time to time, I gett the feeling that it’s not there. Like I’d lost it at some point. This makes me a little nervous, I don’t know what this might mean. What it might cause to happen. At any rate, today I was letting the energy flow into my leg and trying to do something about, what looked to me like “stuck” energy, when I felt someone next to me.
That someone was sad and lonely and seemed to be crying. It could have been someone I know, maybe not. I had no idea what to do except give her all the comfort and love I could. It seemed like a “her.” I tried to make her feel loved. I did everything I could for a while, and then she was gone. At the point I decided it was time to wrap it up and get on with my day.
I wonder if I just make this stuff up. This entity shows up, from time to time, sometimes very affectionate, sometime aloof. This is the first time it was sad. It seems like a woman, but not always. There are periods when it disappears for a time. At those times, if I look very carefully, I can sometimes just make it out. It’s very faint. No way to know if I’m just imagining it or not. Perhaps it’s attention is somewhere else. This is the first time I’ve see it sad. And it was very sad. I could feel the despair and loneliness as strong as my own. I want to think I helped, but I expect I’ll never know. I’ll never know if it’s even attached to a living person. And so we’re back to that annoying question of, Is this real?
Well, I’ve spent most of my life saying that anything that made me uncomfortable, didn’t exist, was just my imagination. Now I’m just going to go with it. It is what it is and it means what it means, and someday I’ll find out what that is, or I won’t. Fine either way.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Healing Theater?
Today I experienced something new: I participated in something called Taga, A type of healing ceremony. It’s difficult to explain what happened, but I’ll try. Before it started, the leader tried to explain what she was doing and what it was all about, but I’m afraid it didn’t mean a whole lot to me. The explanation did make somewhat more sense after we were done.
The session had a leader, a client and participators. The participators were chosen and assigned roles during the ceremony. As I understand it, the ceremony used symbols as surrogates for things like Holy Spirit, love and grace, but, for the most part, no one but the leader knew what each symbol meant until we were done.
I don’t know if the leader and client talked a head of time or not. I would think so, but I didn’t notice them talking before we started. However, the leader seemed to have some idea what the client was after and moved us through a kind of play that seemed to uncover and explore the issues the client was dealing with.
Each of the participants were assigned roles by the client. I was Ease (or flow) another was Anger and another was the client. Were were told to move as we pleased, except when directed by the leader. Often we were asked our impressions or feelings, and those were used to guide the leader. As things went on, the leader used various objects (stuffed animals, pillows, scarfs, blankets) to hold various intentions. We were not told what the intensions were, we were just given the objects, or they were placed on or around us, and then we were asked how that made us feel. At different times I was hot, cold, balanced and dizzy. At one point, the leader placed something on my left hand and my left ear began to ring, loudly. Later, she gave me a stuffed animal and had me hold to my chest. That caused me discomfort, bordering on pain, in my pectoral muscles. When I told her that, she brought over another animal and tucked it behind the first. Then the discomfort eased up considerably.
Early on, my torso was very hot and my hands and calves and feet were cold. Near the end of the ceremony the leader removed the stuffed animals from my chest and all my discomfort disappeared. I actually felt very open and light. At the same time the temperature evened out over my entire body, my torso cooler and the arms and legs warmer.
At another point, the leader placed two pillows on the floor behind the person representing the client. The person then backed up until she was behind the pillows, because that’s where she felt “safe.” The leader then told us that the pillows represented Mother and Father, and the client’s position represented being “before birth.” Later, I found myself standing between those pillows for a time, and that was very uncomfortable. I felt like I was being squeezed. The feeling left me as soon as I was able to step away from the pillows. Almost like being born.
After a while, things seemed to reach a kind of resolution. Then the leader explained what was going on to the client. I’m not sure if I followed everything, but it seemed to mean a lot to the client. I hope she got what she wanted.
I’ve only covered a few of my impressions here. It seemed to me that is was a way to use group consciousness to bring to light information in the client’s subconscious in a way that can lead for healing. It clearly requires intuition and/or guidance on the part of the leader. I think it was pretty cool that the leader was able to generate and manipulate our actions without telling us what the stimulus was. We were just given an anonymous object and told to react. We had no idea what the object represented, and yet we responded in appropriate and informative ways.
I can see how this could have been a form of “sacred theater.” Were people were able to heal each other by working together, learning about each other and bonding in the process. To me, it seems a better way than simply having someone “fix” you while you do nothing, or just watching a healer do all the work.
I never would have known something like this existed if I didn’t randomly pick things and show up. Someone said that 90% of life is just showing up. I think it’s time for me to “show up” in more places.
The session had a leader, a client and participators. The participators were chosen and assigned roles during the ceremony. As I understand it, the ceremony used symbols as surrogates for things like Holy Spirit, love and grace, but, for the most part, no one but the leader knew what each symbol meant until we were done.
I don’t know if the leader and client talked a head of time or not. I would think so, but I didn’t notice them talking before we started. However, the leader seemed to have some idea what the client was after and moved us through a kind of play that seemed to uncover and explore the issues the client was dealing with.
Each of the participants were assigned roles by the client. I was Ease (or flow) another was Anger and another was the client. Were were told to move as we pleased, except when directed by the leader. Often we were asked our impressions or feelings, and those were used to guide the leader. As things went on, the leader used various objects (stuffed animals, pillows, scarfs, blankets) to hold various intentions. We were not told what the intensions were, we were just given the objects, or they were placed on or around us, and then we were asked how that made us feel. At different times I was hot, cold, balanced and dizzy. At one point, the leader placed something on my left hand and my left ear began to ring, loudly. Later, she gave me a stuffed animal and had me hold to my chest. That caused me discomfort, bordering on pain, in my pectoral muscles. When I told her that, she brought over another animal and tucked it behind the first. Then the discomfort eased up considerably.
Early on, my torso was very hot and my hands and calves and feet were cold. Near the end of the ceremony the leader removed the stuffed animals from my chest and all my discomfort disappeared. I actually felt very open and light. At the same time the temperature evened out over my entire body, my torso cooler and the arms and legs warmer.
At another point, the leader placed two pillows on the floor behind the person representing the client. The person then backed up until she was behind the pillows, because that’s where she felt “safe.” The leader then told us that the pillows represented Mother and Father, and the client’s position represented being “before birth.” Later, I found myself standing between those pillows for a time, and that was very uncomfortable. I felt like I was being squeezed. The feeling left me as soon as I was able to step away from the pillows. Almost like being born.
After a while, things seemed to reach a kind of resolution. Then the leader explained what was going on to the client. I’m not sure if I followed everything, but it seemed to mean a lot to the client. I hope she got what she wanted.
I’ve only covered a few of my impressions here. It seemed to me that is was a way to use group consciousness to bring to light information in the client’s subconscious in a way that can lead for healing. It clearly requires intuition and/or guidance on the part of the leader. I think it was pretty cool that the leader was able to generate and manipulate our actions without telling us what the stimulus was. We were just given an anonymous object and told to react. We had no idea what the object represented, and yet we responded in appropriate and informative ways.
I can see how this could have been a form of “sacred theater.” Were people were able to heal each other by working together, learning about each other and bonding in the process. To me, it seems a better way than simply having someone “fix” you while you do nothing, or just watching a healer do all the work.
I never would have known something like this existed if I didn’t randomly pick things and show up. Someone said that 90% of life is just showing up. I think it’s time for me to “show up” in more places.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Healing and Being a Healer
Today’s meditation had two interesting things in it.
The first was that I found myself looking in on people I know. I used to think that was cool, way back in the beginning, but now I feel it’s more like an invasion of privacy and I avoid it. However, this time it was insistent. I Ended up throwing comfort at them, not knowing what else to do. Perhaps they were in a sad way.
I one particular case, I kept seeing more details about their life. Difficulties and other things I really don’t want to know about. But it was insistent and, apparently, there is some reason that I need to know it. I tried but could not get a reason why. Perhaps I just need to understand them better.
At times, I think that being a healer means “keeper of secrets.” I just get so much information that I really can’t share, but I need to hear it to do my job. in some ways it would be nice if I could forget everything I hear. But the experience I gain does help other people. So I suppose that’s part of the price I pay for doing what I do.
The other thing that I experienced revolved around healing. At one point, I started feeling warmth in parts of my torso. I normally just go with these things and don’t ask questions. Not today. Today I asked. I was told that I was feeling energy, and it was uneven because of my blocks. If I let the block go, then the energy would be able to flow to all parts of my body, especially my hands and feet. They have not been getting their fail share of energy so far. The lightbulb went on: I’ve been have a problem with cold hands and especially feet since the weather turned.
Next I asked about the blocks. I got that I needed to release my hate. My hate for my body. I had always undervalued my body, and, despite the fact that it has served me very well for many years, it was never good enough for me. All this came from someplace so deep that I wasn’t really aware of it at the conscious level at all. But once I started thinking about it, it did make sense. Over the last couple of years I have begun to notice, accept and acknowledge how well my body has served me and how well it has held up. It has useful attributes that I did my best to ignore. But now I am starting to use them rather than deny them.
This litany went on for a while, covering the many ways I thought poorly of my physical being. I don’t remember most of it now, which I think is a good thing, but afterwards things must have cleared, because energy tingling and heat began to flow wider and more evenly throughout my upper body. It slowly spread up and down my right side and worked it’s way down my right arm into my hand. After a while it was throughout my right side and somewhat over to my left.
When it reached my left shoulder, it felt hot and cold at the same time. Finally it got to the point where all my bones above the hips felt incandescent white and glowing. The message was that it was rebuilding and restructuring my bones to be stronger and healthier and with advanced functions (whatever that means). It eventually did reach all my bones, but the ones below my hips seemed dimmer.
Then the focus moved to my teeth. There was a long monologue about how the fillings in my teeth needed to be restructured and their energy re-aligned. That the materials had been removed from their place and their energy had be twisted and distorted by being mined, refined and turned into fillings. So all of that needed to be sorted out and harmonized. I felt a lot of heat and pressure around my back teeth at this time. This went on for quite some time. Other things began to happen after that, but it was clearly time to wrap up and get on with my day.
I seem to be having a lot of focus on healing right now. Getting myself ready for what’s to come, I suppose.
The first was that I found myself looking in on people I know. I used to think that was cool, way back in the beginning, but now I feel it’s more like an invasion of privacy and I avoid it. However, this time it was insistent. I Ended up throwing comfort at them, not knowing what else to do. Perhaps they were in a sad way.
I one particular case, I kept seeing more details about their life. Difficulties and other things I really don’t want to know about. But it was insistent and, apparently, there is some reason that I need to know it. I tried but could not get a reason why. Perhaps I just need to understand them better.
At times, I think that being a healer means “keeper of secrets.” I just get so much information that I really can’t share, but I need to hear it to do my job. in some ways it would be nice if I could forget everything I hear. But the experience I gain does help other people. So I suppose that’s part of the price I pay for doing what I do.
The other thing that I experienced revolved around healing. At one point, I started feeling warmth in parts of my torso. I normally just go with these things and don’t ask questions. Not today. Today I asked. I was told that I was feeling energy, and it was uneven because of my blocks. If I let the block go, then the energy would be able to flow to all parts of my body, especially my hands and feet. They have not been getting their fail share of energy so far. The lightbulb went on: I’ve been have a problem with cold hands and especially feet since the weather turned.
Next I asked about the blocks. I got that I needed to release my hate. My hate for my body. I had always undervalued my body, and, despite the fact that it has served me very well for many years, it was never good enough for me. All this came from someplace so deep that I wasn’t really aware of it at the conscious level at all. But once I started thinking about it, it did make sense. Over the last couple of years I have begun to notice, accept and acknowledge how well my body has served me and how well it has held up. It has useful attributes that I did my best to ignore. But now I am starting to use them rather than deny them.
This litany went on for a while, covering the many ways I thought poorly of my physical being. I don’t remember most of it now, which I think is a good thing, but afterwards things must have cleared, because energy tingling and heat began to flow wider and more evenly throughout my upper body. It slowly spread up and down my right side and worked it’s way down my right arm into my hand. After a while it was throughout my right side and somewhat over to my left.
When it reached my left shoulder, it felt hot and cold at the same time. Finally it got to the point where all my bones above the hips felt incandescent white and glowing. The message was that it was rebuilding and restructuring my bones to be stronger and healthier and with advanced functions (whatever that means). It eventually did reach all my bones, but the ones below my hips seemed dimmer.
Then the focus moved to my teeth. There was a long monologue about how the fillings in my teeth needed to be restructured and their energy re-aligned. That the materials had been removed from their place and their energy had be twisted and distorted by being mined, refined and turned into fillings. So all of that needed to be sorted out and harmonized. I felt a lot of heat and pressure around my back teeth at this time. This went on for quite some time. Other things began to happen after that, but it was clearly time to wrap up and get on with my day.
I seem to be having a lot of focus on healing right now. Getting myself ready for what’s to come, I suppose.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Love and Healing
In the late afternoon I was writing and she was sleeping on a chair near me, doing the curl-into-a-ball thing. She seemed peaceful enough. But I noticed, after a while, that about every five to ten minutes she would get up and lay back down on the opposite side, as though she couldn’t get comfortable. So, once I finished writing, I carefully scooped her up and carried her to the family room where my wife was watching something. There I settled her on my lap and did my healing thing. She protested, weakly, when I picked her up, but otherwise seemed content. I did my “laying on of hands” thing for about 20 minutes when she suddenly perked up, hopped down to go eat, and shortly thereafter went outside. Noticeably perkier.
The next day, I was writing in the living room when Dusty decided to move in on my lap. She seemed better, but still somewhat sluggish. As she was doing her walk-back-and-forth-across-my-lap-sticking-her-tail-in-my-face thing, I was running my hands over her, as I usually do, and noticed two distinct hot spots, one right behind the right shoulder and the other at the right hip. I put my hands on those places and did the energy thing. She immediately stopped moving, then, after a short time, squatted down and held that position for several minutes while I kept my hands in place. When she’d apparently had enough, she unceremoniously got up, walked to another part of the couch and squatted down, purring loudly.
After that she seems much better. Still hoarse, but otherwise acting like her normal self. I like to think I had something to do with that.
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