Today I started a course in Shamanistic studies. It takes years to get the stuff down, so I consider this just an introduction. I’ve had some training in shamanic techniques before, but that just scratched the surface, and I’m sure I’ll be digging deeper into this as time goes on. It really feels like following this path is the next step in my evolution.
This class went amazingly well. What that means for me is that I actually got what we were supposed to be doing in the journeys. If you don’t know what a journey is, think of it as a guided meditation. (That’s not really it, but you can find out more on the internet, so use it.) It wasn’t so long ago that this kind of stuff didn’t work for me. I was way too much inside my head to be able to feel, and way to self-conscious and worried about “getting it right” to let go and just let what happens, happen. It was a wonderful surprise to discover that I could be water, be air, earth and fire. Very cool. And I saw, and felt, that being air is how you fly: You become air, and just do what air does, up among the clouds.
As a little background, I’m been working on a post about fear. I completely rewritten it four times, and It’s still not ready. Maybe because it’s just a process I need to go through, maybe what I’m actually doing is changing my relationship to fear, not getting rid of it. More on the later, as it came up in my journeys. Before I talk about my journeys, I want to talk about what happened at lunch.
I didn’t bring any lunch, since the course paper work said that there was a place to get food “across the street.” Well, “across the street” turned out to be a mile up the road. And I was walking. It’s all good though, cause I had a good walk, once I got over the bitch’n. It was cloudy, with some sun, with an interesting wind. I was enjoying the wind when it hit me that I really enjoyed the wind. And this wind was saying “Hi!” It really seemed like an old friend. I have always liked wind, no matter if it’s soft and warm, or harsh and cold, or teasing and playful. I love clear air and a fresh breeze. Talking about this later in class, the instructor pointed out that air is the element associated with being in your head, and, boy, have I been in my head most of my life!
Since I had so much time to walk, I figured it was time to wonder why my feet were so cold today. That part was easy: Fear. But fear of what? It took some time to tease out the the answer, seeing how I had to fight for each word, but I finally got it: I was afraid that I would find out the real reason why I was so selfish. Who me? Selfish? I’m still wrapping my head around that. Here I’d thought I’d made real progress in that area, but, apparently, there is still much to learn. I have a feeling that that word doesn’t mean what I think it means.
I think we had three journeys. I can’t remember them all separately, so I’m going to tell it the way I remember. (I know, I should write things down. But I really don’t want to. I don’t have a good reason for that, I just really, really, dislike taking pen in hand and trying to write down how I feel. It’s much better to talk, next comes typing, which isn’t so bad, but writing comes dead last, in my world. I must have a lot of bad feelings wrapped around writing. From my childhood perhaps?)
I remember starting with an exercise where we tried being each of the four elements, earth, water, fire and air. That was fun. I’m not sure if I was actually being each element, but I sure felt like I was full, or made of, each element. Earth felt all peaty, like soil, water, cool, crisp and weighty. Fire seemed my least successful as I just felt energetic, but air was the most fun. I felt cool and light and transparent and ready to take flight.
Next, we went to the lower world, the land of essences, as I understand it. I went to find my “place,” and discovered a meadow of waist-high grass, along a meandering stream, inside a thick, pine forest. As I approached the stream, I found a clear area of dirt and lots of “Me”s: Many different instances of myself, all different ages and from different times, all different incarnations and realizations of the possibility that was me. Most were faint and ghosts-like, and payed no attention to me, but there was one who was solid and, lets say, mature. He was on his knees, working on something. A drum perhaps. And he seems angry or annoyed with me about something.
My mind has a real tendency to wander off, and this time was no exception. I don’t even know where I go. It’s just that I frequently I realize that I’m suppose to be doing something, or the instructor just said something and I can’t remember what I’m doing, or what the instruction means, because I can’t remember the context. That is why my recollections are always a bunch of separate scenes, punctuated by periods of amnesia.
Anyway, going to meet my guide: I was sitting on a log, with an ordinary-looking guy: thin, youngish, in ordinary clothes. Said his name was Allen. “Allen? Really? What’s your real name?” was my response. He just smiled a wan smile and shrugged. I didn’t get any further with that. At some point it occurred to me to return to the old guy and try and find out what he was so upset about. I had just started that conversation when the instructor called us back.
The next journey was into the upper world. That was my favorite. We needed to find a way up, and, since you can use whatever method you like, I picked a tree. There is a pine tree near my house that is very tall and straight and, when you put your head against the trunk and look up, it seems like it goes on forever. So I rode that tree up, into the sky, through the clouds, into space and into the upper world. I’m told that it looks different for different people, but for me, it was hazy with pastel colors. Sort of like walking on clouds. I found myself a bench to sit on, overlooking the world below. I had a sense that I could look down there and see whatever I wanted: The world, my life, my past, my future, other worlds, anything. At some point, I called in “grumpy old guy” to finish our conversation.
The conversation still didn’t get too far, but I learned a bit more. First, he was disappointed with me because of “so much fear.” It was my turn to be upset: This, after all the work I have been doing on fear? Anyway, I eventually got that there are fears that I’m so not willing to admit to myself that I don’t even feel them. I had just asked the question “How do I deal with fears that I can’t even feel?” when I ran out of time an had to come back.
Coming back was super fun, I just stepped off the overlook and flew down through space and the clouds, slid down the tree and “poofed” my feet onto the ground. I wish I could do that all the time! I wonder if it’s possible, one of these days, that I might get so comfortable with flying that I might just step off some high place, forgetting that gravity tends to have its own way, in this world, at least. I suppose I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I’m really looking forward to the next class. In the meantime I have a lot to chew and meditate on. As usual, send questions and comments to rodwhitehouse@ieee.org. Take care.
Showing posts with label shamanic journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shamanic journey. Show all posts
Saturday, October 8, 2016
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Shadows on the Wall
This morning I did some Shadow work. This is a Shamanic thing. The Shadow is those parts of yourself that you aren't aware of or don't want to acknowledge. "Shadow," get it? I think it's a great term. The more I think about it the more I like it. What is a shadow? It's something that always follows you everywhere. You can never get rid of it nor can you touch it. It dogs your every step, displaying who you are with no bias or pity.
It's easy to get confused when you first hear about Shamanic traditions, since many of the terms have become loaded with sinister connotations over the centuries. For instance, in Christian tradition, Dark is evil and Light is good, and anyone who deals with "dark" or "shadowy" things must be evil or, at least, misguided. Shamanic tradition, on the other hand, recognizes that everything has it's positive (light) and negative (dark) aspects. Like the two sides of a coin, you can't have one without the other, and that true health and happiness is the result of integrating both aspects of our nature to achieve balance. One important thing that Western medicine has done for the world is to banish the idea that disease is "evil." Can you imagine what medicine would be like if we continued to believe the medieval notions of disease as "dark" and only evil sorcerers could study it? Unfortunately, many faith traditions have decided that since Light (God) is Good, everything non-Light is Bad, and therefore should be banished completely. This results in endless suffering for their followers as they constantly struggle with their, all to human, natures.
So, the first thing you need to do when you step into the Shamanic world, is reexamine all your thoughts and beliefs around words like Light, Dark Shadow, Spirt, and Demon, for starters, and be open to new ways of thinking about spirituality. I don't pretend to be a Shaman, that requires much more training and experience than I have time for at this point in my life, but I have had some training in that area and have done some Journeying. Eagle Spirit Ministry says this about shaman:
"A shaman is a healer who has walked up to the Underworld gates of his/her own personal hell and then walked in. He/she has confronted and conquered his/her self-created demons, such as fear, insanity, loneliness, self-importance, and addictions, has unflinchingly confronted his/her own Shadow self as well as the evil of others, and can successfully deal with forces of darkness equally with those of light."
Over my years I have been working to deal with the Shadow aspects of my personal hell. We had a discussion in class about the concept that a healer has to heal herself before she can be of service to others. One opinion is that is a contemporary, Western idea. I question the contemporary part, as there were serious questions as far back as the Middle Ages about whether sacraments, like marriages, performed by priests who were later defrocked or otherwise found to be "in sin," were valid. Both Western science and the Church have come to the conclusion that it's the work that matters, not the worker. I can't help but wonder. Since we have pedophile priests and doctors more concerned with their reputations and incomes than their patients, I can't help but wonder if we need to rethink that whole idea. (Perhaps if successfully dealing with one's own personal hell should be a prerequisite for any healing work, we'd see fewer scandals, in all professions.)
This morning I did some Shadow work by myself. It definitely would have been better to work with someone, but I didn't have anyone available, I had some stuff that was really bothering me, so I took a shot at working it out on my own. I worked with an exercise called "Feeding your Demons." Hold on, what did I say about leaving your definitions at the door? I know that, to the uninitiated, that sounds like a witch heading down to the dungeon with fresh kittens or something, but that's not it at all. First of all, understand that a "demon" is a Shadow aspect of yourself. Remember, Shadow isn't necessarily bad or evil, it's just a part of you that is unrecognized or denied, and you can no more get rid of it than you can have a quarter with only one side. So, what *can you do?
Well, you can ignore and deny, (If you've ever ignored a medical condition, you know how well that worked out.) or you can understand, accept and turn it from a foe to an ally. That's what Feeding Your Demons is all about. While it seems perfectly logical to make the best of what you've got, beliefs about that Right and Acceptable can get in the way. This does not mean that if a part of me that wants to murder, I must accept being a murderer. That is absolutely not true. (Though, if you do have that in your Shadow aspects, you need to deal with it in some way, or it will come out on its own, in ways you probably won't like.) Demons, which could be called "Issues" in a different context, are manifestations of something underneath that, through this kind of work, you can uncover and resolve. Thus bringing you more control over your life, and more empathy and compassion for others in similar situations.
In my case, the issue, or "demon," I started with turned out to not be very important, for it quickly morphed as I worked through the exercise. This work turned out to be a process of discovery, uncovering and releasing aspects of the issue that I hadn't known about. Because of this, and because I ran out of time, (Another problem I have when I'm working by myself: My mind tends to wander!) I never quite completed the exercise. But I learned a lot, and I felt and slept better when I was done, so it achieved its purpose.
We never conquer our Shadow, or slay all our demons. But by facing them, and walking a spiritual or Shamanic path we give ourselves a measure of peace and personal freedom that is simply not available any other way.
It's easy to get confused when you first hear about Shamanic traditions, since many of the terms have become loaded with sinister connotations over the centuries. For instance, in Christian tradition, Dark is evil and Light is good, and anyone who deals with "dark" or "shadowy" things must be evil or, at least, misguided. Shamanic tradition, on the other hand, recognizes that everything has it's positive (light) and negative (dark) aspects. Like the two sides of a coin, you can't have one without the other, and that true health and happiness is the result of integrating both aspects of our nature to achieve balance. One important thing that Western medicine has done for the world is to banish the idea that disease is "evil." Can you imagine what medicine would be like if we continued to believe the medieval notions of disease as "dark" and only evil sorcerers could study it? Unfortunately, many faith traditions have decided that since Light (God) is Good, everything non-Light is Bad, and therefore should be banished completely. This results in endless suffering for their followers as they constantly struggle with their, all to human, natures.
So, the first thing you need to do when you step into the Shamanic world, is reexamine all your thoughts and beliefs around words like Light, Dark Shadow, Spirt, and Demon, for starters, and be open to new ways of thinking about spirituality. I don't pretend to be a Shaman, that requires much more training and experience than I have time for at this point in my life, but I have had some training in that area and have done some Journeying. Eagle Spirit Ministry says this about shaman:
"A shaman is a healer who has walked up to the Underworld gates of his/her own personal hell and then walked in. He/she has confronted and conquered his/her self-created demons, such as fear, insanity, loneliness, self-importance, and addictions, has unflinchingly confronted his/her own Shadow self as well as the evil of others, and can successfully deal with forces of darkness equally with those of light."
Over my years I have been working to deal with the Shadow aspects of my personal hell. We had a discussion in class about the concept that a healer has to heal herself before she can be of service to others. One opinion is that is a contemporary, Western idea. I question the contemporary part, as there were serious questions as far back as the Middle Ages about whether sacraments, like marriages, performed by priests who were later defrocked or otherwise found to be "in sin," were valid. Both Western science and the Church have come to the conclusion that it's the work that matters, not the worker. I can't help but wonder. Since we have pedophile priests and doctors more concerned with their reputations and incomes than their patients, I can't help but wonder if we need to rethink that whole idea. (Perhaps if successfully dealing with one's own personal hell should be a prerequisite for any healing work, we'd see fewer scandals, in all professions.)
This morning I did some Shadow work by myself. It definitely would have been better to work with someone, but I didn't have anyone available, I had some stuff that was really bothering me, so I took a shot at working it out on my own. I worked with an exercise called "Feeding your Demons." Hold on, what did I say about leaving your definitions at the door? I know that, to the uninitiated, that sounds like a witch heading down to the dungeon with fresh kittens or something, but that's not it at all. First of all, understand that a "demon" is a Shadow aspect of yourself. Remember, Shadow isn't necessarily bad or evil, it's just a part of you that is unrecognized or denied, and you can no more get rid of it than you can have a quarter with only one side. So, what *can you do?
Well, you can ignore and deny, (If you've ever ignored a medical condition, you know how well that worked out.) or you can understand, accept and turn it from a foe to an ally. That's what Feeding Your Demons is all about. While it seems perfectly logical to make the best of what you've got, beliefs about that Right and Acceptable can get in the way. This does not mean that if a part of me that wants to murder, I must accept being a murderer. That is absolutely not true. (Though, if you do have that in your Shadow aspects, you need to deal with it in some way, or it will come out on its own, in ways you probably won't like.) Demons, which could be called "Issues" in a different context, are manifestations of something underneath that, through this kind of work, you can uncover and resolve. Thus bringing you more control over your life, and more empathy and compassion for others in similar situations.
In my case, the issue, or "demon," I started with turned out to not be very important, for it quickly morphed as I worked through the exercise. This work turned out to be a process of discovery, uncovering and releasing aspects of the issue that I hadn't known about. Because of this, and because I ran out of time, (Another problem I have when I'm working by myself: My mind tends to wander!) I never quite completed the exercise. But I learned a lot, and I felt and slept better when I was done, so it achieved its purpose.
We never conquer our Shadow, or slay all our demons. But by facing them, and walking a spiritual or Shamanic path we give ourselves a measure of peace and personal freedom that is simply not available any other way.
Friday, January 23, 2015
Forest and Beaver
The other evening I went to an open house at HCH Institute, where I am planning to get my clinical hypnotherapy certification this winter, and had two very interesting experiences with example sessions they conducted. The institute is located on a hillside in Lafayette, CA., in a building with multiple levels, and had a very eclectic layout and decor that suits me fine. At the end of the evening, they conducted two sessions for the people who wanted to stay on after the presentations. One session was hypnosis and the other was called a Shamanic Journey.
During the first session, one of the faculty played the harp while another walked around the room, conducting the session. I usually have a difficult time in groups. I’m self-conscious and have a hard time letting go with other people around. This time was very different: As soon as I closed my eyes I was in another place that was so pervasive that I didn’t want to leave. Not only that, but afterwards the room felt awkward, like it was the “wrong” shape and smaller that it should be.
What I saw when I closed my eyes was a lush forest. it often takes me a while to form some kind of image, but this time it was just there as soon as I looked. All the people in the room were there as well, but different. The man playing the harp was still playing the harp, but he was a stag-like creature, thin, with dark fur, hooves and spiky, branching horns sticking straight up. Yes, it seemed a bit weird that a creature with hooves could play the harp, but there you go. The woman conducting the session was a transparent, white, ghostly entity. She seemed both a gray-white ball floating at head height and trailing transparent streamers down to the floor, and a white ghost woman wearing long robes. The rest of the people were just dark lumps that didn’t move, exactly in the same locations as they were with my eyes open. The room itself was much bigger. It was a clearing surrounded by dense, dark green, foliage. The greenery was so dense that I couldn’t see anything outside of the clearing.
In the foreground, kind of superimposed between me and the rest of the scene, was a small stream. A beaver (I think) was standing on it’s hind legs on a large rock on the far side of the stream, watching me, and otters played in the water. This bit seemed like something from somewhere else that was imposing itself on my mind’s eye, for some reason. The “beaver” first appeared in a meditation the day before, so I’m thinking it’s some kind of spirit guide. I suppose I’ll learn more about that later.
What was most unusual about this was it’s persistence. Lately I’m been having a real hard time focusing on anything in my meditations. My mind just jumps continuously from one image and idea to another. The forest image was rock solid the entire time, allowing me ample time to study the details. Another interesting thing about the image is that it’s not something I have ever seen before, in any of my imaginings. The only thing that resembles it, that I can think of, are certain romantic paintings of the late 1800’s.
The second session took us on a shamanic journey, accompanied by drumming. The leader asked us to go to a beach. I picked a beach I went to in my twenties when I was camping with friends. I don’t know exactly were it is, but it was probably somewhere south of Santa Cruz, California. I pictured the place at night, the time of the session, and I remembered the sea grass in the moonlight and felt a strong, cold wind off the water. We were asked to go into the water. This didn’t really work for me, as I know just how cold the water is out here, and the last thing I want to do in this weather is go into the water.
Never the less, I did go into the water. But I really couldn’t get into it because I know how really cold it is, and I just can’t see myself floating and relaxing in water that cold. At any rate, soon we had to come out. When I was walking out of the water, I saw the water going through my flesh, but not my bones. It was like I was a skeleton surrounded by a ghostly body.
When I got to the dry land, the beaver was there. Yes, I was thinking how odd it was for a beaver to be on a California beach. Then I observed to myself that it seemed awfully tiny, and immediately it grew to a huge size, standing on it’s hind legs. It was at least fifteen feet high and looking down on me. “Better?” it said. “Ok, fine! I get it!” I said, and it was once again a normal size. At that point the leader brought us back.
I am really looking foreword to my classes there. The place has an amazing energy and I expect to learn a lot.
During the first session, one of the faculty played the harp while another walked around the room, conducting the session. I usually have a difficult time in groups. I’m self-conscious and have a hard time letting go with other people around. This time was very different: As soon as I closed my eyes I was in another place that was so pervasive that I didn’t want to leave. Not only that, but afterwards the room felt awkward, like it was the “wrong” shape and smaller that it should be.
What I saw when I closed my eyes was a lush forest. it often takes me a while to form some kind of image, but this time it was just there as soon as I looked. All the people in the room were there as well, but different. The man playing the harp was still playing the harp, but he was a stag-like creature, thin, with dark fur, hooves and spiky, branching horns sticking straight up. Yes, it seemed a bit weird that a creature with hooves could play the harp, but there you go. The woman conducting the session was a transparent, white, ghostly entity. She seemed both a gray-white ball floating at head height and trailing transparent streamers down to the floor, and a white ghost woman wearing long robes. The rest of the people were just dark lumps that didn’t move, exactly in the same locations as they were with my eyes open. The room itself was much bigger. It was a clearing surrounded by dense, dark green, foliage. The greenery was so dense that I couldn’t see anything outside of the clearing.
In the foreground, kind of superimposed between me and the rest of the scene, was a small stream. A beaver (I think) was standing on it’s hind legs on a large rock on the far side of the stream, watching me, and otters played in the water. This bit seemed like something from somewhere else that was imposing itself on my mind’s eye, for some reason. The “beaver” first appeared in a meditation the day before, so I’m thinking it’s some kind of spirit guide. I suppose I’ll learn more about that later.
What was most unusual about this was it’s persistence. Lately I’m been having a real hard time focusing on anything in my meditations. My mind just jumps continuously from one image and idea to another. The forest image was rock solid the entire time, allowing me ample time to study the details. Another interesting thing about the image is that it’s not something I have ever seen before, in any of my imaginings. The only thing that resembles it, that I can think of, are certain romantic paintings of the late 1800’s.
The second session took us on a shamanic journey, accompanied by drumming. The leader asked us to go to a beach. I picked a beach I went to in my twenties when I was camping with friends. I don’t know exactly were it is, but it was probably somewhere south of Santa Cruz, California. I pictured the place at night, the time of the session, and I remembered the sea grass in the moonlight and felt a strong, cold wind off the water. We were asked to go into the water. This didn’t really work for me, as I know just how cold the water is out here, and the last thing I want to do in this weather is go into the water.
Never the less, I did go into the water. But I really couldn’t get into it because I know how really cold it is, and I just can’t see myself floating and relaxing in water that cold. At any rate, soon we had to come out. When I was walking out of the water, I saw the water going through my flesh, but not my bones. It was like I was a skeleton surrounded by a ghostly body.
When I got to the dry land, the beaver was there. Yes, I was thinking how odd it was for a beaver to be on a California beach. Then I observed to myself that it seemed awfully tiny, and immediately it grew to a huge size, standing on it’s hind legs. It was at least fifteen feet high and looking down on me. “Better?” it said. “Ok, fine! I get it!” I said, and it was once again a normal size. At that point the leader brought us back.
I am really looking foreword to my classes there. The place has an amazing energy and I expect to learn a lot.
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