A dirigible death

This morning I had a dream right when I woke up, or while I was lying there, half awake. It intruded, suddenly, on my thoughts. I expect it’s an image of a “past life,” real or imagined, here to teach me a lesson.

At first there was a feeling of watching a black and white movie. Suddenly, a brightly colored scene superimposed itself on top of what I was watching, I could still see bits of the other movie around the edges. The new scene was like an old-time serial. The setting was the control cabin of an airship, a dirigible. Around me was of lots of lightweight, spidery aluminum girders. There were some people in a cabin. One, that I took to be the captain, was speaking loudly to me. I was being held by two others, both to restrain me and to hold me up because I had been severely beaten. We were all dressed like wealthy “homeless” people. What I mean is they looked like homeless people dressed for cold weather, with lots of layers of seemingly random mismatched clothes. However the clothes were clean and in good repair, so I guess that was a style. In a lot of ways the scene was like the clothes, mismatched and jumbled.

The captain, may or may not, have been human. It was hard to tell. The image might have been jumbled, or the face wasn’t human. Don’t know which. Either way, the features are impossible to make out, but I’m sure he was angry. I can not remember what he was saying, but it was some kind of warning or threat. Then the there was a cut to a view outside of the airship and I can see a body drop from the bottom into the empty air. I’m pretty sure I was the body falling. I found it easy to flip back and forth between these two scenes and examine them in detail.

While I’m studying these scenes, my stomach pain turns on and there is discomfort in the front of my lower jaw. Like I’d hit it on something, or been hit. My instinct says that this is the origin of my stomach issues, my fear of falling, and the source of my falling nightmares when I was young. (While I was able to conquer the falling dreams while I was still a child, it took me decades to lose my fear of falling in real life.)

I was some kind of spy. Where was a strong feeling of “good guys” verses “bad guys.” That all motives are simple, black and white, there’s no question of what’s right and what’s wrong. Who’s right and who’s wrong. I was very sure that I was a “good guy.”

This seems to be the origin of the reason my teeth are kind of a mess. Up until I was a teenager, my teeth were pretty much perfect, as I can see from old pictures, but when my wisdom teeth came in, they pushed the other teeth forward and now they are jammed together and a bit twisted in the front. I have the idea that the reason that was allowed to occur came from this incident. At some point, I was hit on the chin, maybe more than once, and my jaw was shoved back into my head. This left an imprint of “too small.” So, in this life, my wisdom teeth grew in sideways, facing forward, pushing all my teeth forward. I allowed that because, at that point in my life, my parents were dead and I was on my own with little money and no insurance. I finally did have them taken out, incurring a bill that it took me years to pay off, but the damage was done.

Another interesting thing is that the holes in my jaw, where the wisdom teeth were, has never healed properly. My dentist comments on it, from time to time, saying that I should have an operation to fill them in. But, since they’ve never given me any problem, I don’t see any reason why I should.

Also, lately I’ve been having my attention drawn to those holes during meditation. I’ve been feeling a lot of energy around them and it came to me that, in order for these the heal and rebuild the bone, the thing, the energy, the intension(?) that caused the holes in the first place, first must be removed.

The reason that I experienced that life was to open my mind and lose my naiveté. Human motivations are not simple good vs bad affairs and I needed to understand that there are nuances, and that “good” doesn’t always triumph.

The image is fading fast. I will always probably remember the facts of this “dream,” but in intensity and immediacy has already faded.