Flying Solo

Yesterday I didn't post because, frankly, I couldn't think of anything to say. It was a fairly busy day, but not that busy, and I managed to get my web site almost done. (I need to finish one entry before I open it privately for review.) But nothing worth saying came in to my head. I was thinking that I seemed to have finished my last round of growth and I seem to have...stopped. After a full week of sessions and cool information, nothing was happening. I did take the opportunity to put into motion some more things to ready my space, but I felt pretty useless. When I went to bed I was thinking that it's time for something new. I definitely need something new. It's time to get into motion again.

This morning I stumbled on something new, something that should keep me busy for a while. I'm not sure exactly how it works yet, but I'm assuming I'll figure that out as time goes on. I has to do with effective meditation. Meditation and getting to a "good" place, a place where I can grow or learn something or explore(?) has always been a pretty hit and miss affair for me. Sometimes it works, often it doesn't. I've never found any techniques that consistently work better than any other. But this morning I seem to have found...something.

This morning I was lying in bed, thinking about all this and I decided to give it a shot. I'm not sure what I meant, but I started by doing something that usually leads to new insights: reexamining the obvious and reconsidering assumptions. Along the way I started considering the tension/discomfort in my neck. That's been there for a long time. It comes and goes and usually shows up when I want to meditate and disappears when I'm done. I have worked on it a lot by myself, and with other people. We've all found and removed a lot of stuff, beliefs, thoughts, energy, and past life experiences, which have all helped to a degree, but nothing has actually gotten rid of it. So today I asked a different question: What is it for? What purpose does it serve? The answer I came up with is, To prevent me from getting to "the place." I started examining that, looking at it from all sides, picking it apart and playing with the implications and then something cool happened. Unfortunately I can't clearly remember what it was. I just remember quick rush of images and thoughts. At one point I remember thinking "All I have to do is this and I can go here any time I want," and then I dived down into an experience where I was with some group of people and a carved, black, wooden fish passed in front of my face. It was a very interesting carving, and I could see, and feel, the intricate scales.

After that, I came back up a ways and gave myself the command, "I can move without leaving this state," so I could shift position while maintaining my trance. Then I settled down to getting some work done. I tried a mini-past-life regression to answer some questions I'm dealing with now, and got some interesting results. I tried asking questions and giving commands silently and out loud, to see what happened. They both worked, but out loud worked better. I was able to fine three scenes that I think will be helpful.

In the beginning, I found that I needed to almost split my mind in two to make it work. I had to be two people, one running things and the other experiencing the memories. It's almost impossible to explain how weird it felt. The part in command could not be in control, otherwise the other part would be locked out and nothing would come through. Nor could it withdraw completely, which I believe would cause me to drift off into a dream. Sort of like singing while holding your breath. It also reminds me of dreams I used to have where I could fly, as long as I didn't think about how I did it. I remember it being a constant balancing act, and was shaky at first but it got better as time went on.

This is cool. I now have something new to explore. And maybe this means that I'm no longer limited by having to get someone else to work with me, which will allow me to move much faster in exploring areas that I'm curious about. I'm sure that working with other people will still be valuable and provide important validation for what I turn up, but I no longer have to wait for them. This works for me because I'm one of those people who wants to know things work firsthand. Secondhand descriptions from others are all very cool, but I want to go there and experience it for myself. And I'm hoping that what I learn will improve my intuition and make me much more effective as a healer.