Homework?

Yesterday I talked about a person I go to when I need help. "Who shall help the helpers?" We all need support, from time to time, and I'm finding that the healer community that I've fallen in with can be very supportive. We each have our own strengths, and each client naturally gravitates to a healing style and personality that they feel comfortable with and works best for them, so it makes sense that we support each other with recommendations when it's appropriate. I've been calling her a teacher, or consoler, but both aren't really correct. I think Guide is better, so, Guide it is.

When I went to see her yesterday, I had slept very badly for two days and felt pretty awful. But, last night I slept very well, thank you. Of course, I didn't get to bed until after midnight, so that might have helped. I was up so late because of an evening session that ran long and I had to pick up my daughter at the airport. The session was challenging because it was my first "cold" client.

Every person I've worked with so far, has either been a practitioner, family or friends. This client was someone who found me through the QHHT practitioner web site and wanted work done right away. While getting the history, I realized there was a level of desperation here that I couldn't ignore. The session itself went well, though long, and the client seemed quite happy and has already scheduled another session. So, mission accomplished!

This was the first time I had the experience of having to gather all the client history and understanding of what needed to be done, in the session itself. With family, friends and fellow practitioners, that's not so critical because you already know them. Part of reason of the length of the session was the longer initial interview. In a way, I suppose it was my final exam. I'm sure that my own work with my guide, that afternoon, helped make that session as successful as it was.

Yesterday, you see, I went to visit my guide about one o'clock. I had scheduled the appointment a few days before because I had felt I needed it, so when things went sideways on Sunday, I was like "Yes!" As I was driving over, I was thinking about everything that had happened since the last time I was there. It had been about three months but hardly seemed more than a few weeks. Time passes so fast. The last time I'd seen her, I had just started my training. So much had changed, it took some time to catch up before we got down to business.

First was the whole not-sleeping thing. I was seeing a black hole of tension at the base of my neck that was turning on so strongly each night and keeping me awake. It wasn't a lot of fun during the day, but could handle it, heck, I've been handling it for decades. But lately it's been getting worse. When I really looked into it, I saw a bronze tipped spear. (Some past-life thing, what a shock. :-/) We worked on it, along with some related stuff down my spine, for a while and dialed it down from an 11 to about 1. So far, so good. Then we got to another item that was a bit of a surprise to me.

One thing that has been in the back of my mind, ever since I started this work, is a very excited feeling that something really big was coming. I've never really known what to do with that. It just, sort of, was, and that was cool, but I couldn't see that it meant anything, really, though part of me cynically sings, "Ego, ego, e-go!" when I think about it. During our conversation, when we angled into that "something really big is going to happen and you will play a part in it," feeling, an enormous fear appeared and began to grow. All of a sudden I was dredging up a huge amount of fear and sadness, and started crying. What I could see was that I had been given huge responsibilities before and had blown it big time. This wasn't a forget-to-feed-the-cat kind of mistake, this was a lose-the-nuclear-launch-codes-just-before-the-Russians-attack kind of fail. Eventually, most of that processed out, but I can see that I need to spend some time meditating on that. I'm sure it must have happened more than once to have such a huge impact.

Perhaps this is what has always laid behind my inability to take on big things, the way I freeze up at the overwhelming impossibility of any significant project? Over the years, I've developed a technique of minimizing the importance of anything I work on, just to keep me from freaking out about the whole thing. Perhaps there's a better way?