A Quiet Day

It was a quiet day. I did a few hours of software work for a client in the morning and, somehow, the rest of the day disappeared. I am committed to writing in this blog every day, but today seemed really dull, so what do I say?

I slept poorly last night. That seems to be my lot these days, but my cold has made the usual buzzing, ringing and overall noise in my head, all the worse. That sounds worse than it is, I suppose, but my biggest complaint is a persistent feeling that something is going to happen and I need to be ready for it. It's wearying to be "ready" all the time. I've generally been able to relax and put things in perspective during the day, but it creeps back at night and makes it difficult to quiet my mind.

Enough of that. I had a few interesting things happen around my usual afternoon meditation. At first I tried to listen to Allen Watts' lecture "The Art of Meditation", but it kept stopping after a few minutes. After a few tries I got the hint and let it go and meditated without it. Some time later I noticed that my legs and feet were very cold, like they were in cold water. I had a passing thought that the day must have cooled off and a cold breeze was coming through the window, except the window was closed and today was quite warm here. Some time later I noticed my legs were warm and comfy again. What? I have no idea why. Things like that just happen, that's all.

About an hour later I was...kind of back, but still a bit out there, and was able to get the Allen Watts lecture to continue. While I was listening, there occurred two things I want to mention. I'm going to start with the last one because, I don't know, I want to.

I have a very nice amethyst crystal, given to me by a teacher, sitting next to the bed where I meditate. What I like most about it is that, if you hold it up in the sunlight, and turn it just so, you will see a rainbow inside the purple body. Very pretty. So, I was listening to the lecture, my mind drifting, and I had the thought of putting my awareness into that crystal. Sure, why not? So I imagined myself drifting up to the crystal, figuring I would just go right in, but then, Bang!  I bounced off the surface and my whole body jerked. "Huh," I thought, and tried again. Same result, but this time the jerk was smaller. I tried a few more times. It took a while, because when I'm in that state, it's really hard to keep focused on any one thing for very long, and I had to keep coming back to it. So, eventually, when I finally got inside I found myself, floating, surrounded by purple and sensing a cloud of occlusions and discontinuities around me. I could still see bits of the chair and room through the sides of the crystal. The feeling was very...odd, so I soon left.

Finally, something that Allen Watts said made me feel sorry for all those people who live in a strictly materialistic world, where nothing exists that you can't measure. These people are like children, living in their own little reality where everything is accounted for and all the exits are sealed. Have compassion and treat them gently, for they are easily upset by exposure to unacceptable ideas.

Yes, I know that is patronizing, but it's the best I can do at this point. It's a good deal better than being angry, or plotting ways to "win" and show them the error of their ways, so I feel I've made progress. But I have a ways to go to find peace.