The other day I had a miserable night. I was really upset about something that had happened about a week before, and I just couldn't let it go. In my usual fashion, I had woken up at one or two in the morning and starting thinking about the wrong thing, and, boom, the cycle started and then I couldn't calm down. I tried listening to something on YouTube, but I gave up on that after about half a hour because it wasn't doing any good and just seemed really annoying. In desperation, I flipped over to a random clip about Gangaji. I had no idea which one I picked, but as they say, there are no accidents.
I kind of didn't actually listen that clip either, but after about 45 minutes the phrase "What are you lying about?" caught my attention. That derailed my train of thought and I just laid there letting that that idea trickle through my mind. The idea that I was so upset because I was lying to myself about something, was the first clear thought I had had for a couple of hours.
I restarted the clip and started listening and realized that I had heard this one before. To paraphrase, she was saying that whatever happens in your life, tell the truth about it. The real truth. If you don't want to be with somebody, for example, you can make excuses or you can tell the truth about it, "I don't like you." That may be all there is, but maybe not. Can you tell the deeper truth? There are very often deeper truths under the ones we're willing to express. For instance, "I don't like you because you are judgmental." Why? "Because I am judgmental and I hate that about myself." A deeper truth.
Why was I so upset? Good question. I have already spent way too much time on that whole incident, and had uncovered some interesting things. That for decades I had just kept my mouth shut and let then say and do whatever they wanted, too afraid to make waves. I realized that I had been afraid of them, and thought that there was something to be gained by putting up with them to get on their good side. There was lots more, but despite all of it, I still couldn't unwind.
So, deeper truths huh? So I dug and kept on digging. My "tell" in this case was pain/pressure in my sinuses, which seemed to increase when I got closer to something important. I narrowed it down to one person in particular: "I hate you." Okay. "I want to rip you apart limb from limb!" (With pictures!) Wow! I kept digging, "You deserve it!" What? More digging, "You deserve it for what you did to my family!" Bingo! Wait, what? There's more, with lots of feelings, but that's pretty much the core of it. I lived with and let the whole experience wash over me for while, and then, all the tension that had kept me awake drained away, and my mind started wandering. Apparently, all the anger and resentment I had towards this person was from an earlier life where he had killed or caused my family to die. Surprise! Maybe now I can move towards healing.
Remember the sinus pressure that led me to the incident? Well, shortly after the tension drained away my sinuses suddenly dumped their load of phlegm. I almost choked. It's like releasing that anger and resentment also allowed release of the pressure in my head.
Past lives and their experience are not locked away, deep in your subconscious, they're in your present, all the time, coloring your perceptions, influencing your actions, you just don't notice them. Out of sight, but not out of mind. Like the Wizard of Oz, the man, or men behind the curtain are always there, and, sometimes, if you look in just the right way, you can peek behind that curtain and see what's really going on.
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