Morning Relief!

What a relief! This morning I'm feeling much better, about 90% of what was going on yesterday has passed. The pressure in my head has receded to something reasonable and I slept much better. Yes!

During my meditation session yesterday I stumbled upon interviews by Jannecke Øinæs, her Wisdom from North series, and they seemed to be exactly what I needed to pull me out of my funk and refocus on what's real. I had gotten myself too hung up on what other people were saying and their negativity. Last night it started to become clear to me that the whole episode was teaching me something: I can see that I was getting way too self-important and convinced that I could force (trick?) people to my point of view. Then reality came a whacked me upside the head! Everything I see in them that I need to change is also in me. I do the same thing to people in my consulting business! Yikes! I needs to own that and be upfront with my clients.

The first two interviews I happened upon were exactly what I needed to inspire me and re-aquaint me with the notion that there is much more to spirituality than trying to wake up some narrow-minded materialists. That there are grand vistas of possibility that I had managed to forget about while wading, hip deep, through the mud of other people's issues. It is really not my mission to try and force other people into some kind have spiritual "Ah Ha!" moment. I can only give help to people who want it, the rest are simply not ready for it. They will open up in their own time. I can think of one person in particular that, if there was a spiritual awakening of some kind, would find his life completely turned upside down, inside out, and shredded. If he ever comes around, it will not be on my schedule. I need to definitely let that go.

One thing I ponder is what might happen the next time we see each other. Of course, nothing may happen, we may just have the same empty conversations as always. But if not, I find myself inventing different scenarios about how I might respond. Then I look at my responses and acknowledge that they are mostly self-serving ego-speak, then see the humor in that and move on. I haven't yet found my best place to stand when I'm confronted about my beliefs and my reality, But I'm working on it, using as a model the teaching of Adyashanti and Gangaji. I'm sure that there must be a thoughtful way of acknowledging the confrontational and dismissive attitudes while remaining true to my core. Meanwhile, relax.