The Peaceful Entry

I had a peaceful entry into the world this morning. I was wondering around in a dreamworld while I was awake, sort of. I remember at one point that I was just watching a couple of trees with bright green leaves. The leaves were shimmering with the wind in bright sunlight on a clear blue sky. I was just there for a long while, not thinking, not anything, just being. Just watching, quiet and happy.

My mind was completely quiet. No thoughts of any kind. Just a small portion was awareness of being in that state. It was alike a balancing act that you have practiced for so long that you can now stand on the head of a pin almost without trying. It took the tinniest effort, almost indescribably small, to stay in that state and hold the image.

Compared with the inner turmoil of the past couple of days, this was bliss. And compared with how difficult is has always been to hold on to my "inner movies," this was blessed with a certain inner grace. I was there for as long as I needed to be there, in a graceful, breathless, arc. Like when a dancer leaps into the air and seems to float, for a timeless moment, before acknowledging gravity again.

I got yesterday that my brain is being rewired for new levels of awareness, and it's happing fast. The thing is, I'm always pushing, pushing, wanting more, needing get there faster. And the result is what could have been a slow process with gradual adjustments, is, instead, a physically demanding and, sometimes, very confusing process. But I'm ok with that. Well, for the most part. It's just that I have this strong sense of urgency that's been with me all of my life. Like everybody else is way ahead of me and I need to constantly push and push to catch up. It's not clear to me what it is I need to do, but, whatever it is, I need to be prepared!