non-sequiturs

Last night I had a dream. At the end of it, one of the relatives that I was arguing with about taboos in science was sitting across from me at big table and said something like, "You haven't gotten back to me about what I said about your logo. I said, "I can't comment on something I haven't seen yet." Just moments after that it occurred to me that I don't have a logo.

At first I thought that the dream had to do with how I felt about dealing with hard-core materialists. So I spent the day thinking about how how I could deal with them more effectively. Not so. Now I think it's really about how they waste your time with non-sequiturs. They want you to answer the same questions, over and over again, prove the same things, over and over again, all the while they just keep saying "It's not true."

That's really not what it's about. You can't win on their terms. In fact, you can't "win" at all. Harking back to my High School judo days, I recall that you don't meet force with force, you step aside, you deflect and you choose your battles.

Have a certain amount of compassion for their narrow-mindedness, it must be causing them a lot of grief in other aspects of their lives as well. Have respect for their need for control and to be "right," there are surly suffering about that more than you are. And try to understand the fears that hound them to grip reality so tightly their hands bleed.

I'm still working on my best place to stand on this. First aspect: Let them be. There is no need to convince anyone of anything, so just let have whatever view they want to have. If confronted, it sure would be nice to have a Joda-like comment to respond with, but, lacking that, a neutral, noncommittal statement is the next best. If they want a fight, don't give it to them. To be truly effective, you want this to come from a place of complete indifference. That's not so easy for me, but I try and keep in mind how meaningless the whole discussion is. Facts don't care what you believe, truth is, whether you like it or not. They are on their own path and need to learn whatever lessons they have. Let them go.